Hope4Peyton header image

Don’t you wish your daughters were sassy like mine?

Does your child pick out her own clothing?

Is your child often mismatched?

Do you fear that people will assume YOU dressed your child this way?

Do you think letting your child pick out her own clothing is helping her express her creativity?

Are you kidding me? Have you see some of the outfits Peyton’s walked out of the house in?

I have a motto:  It’s clean? It’s weather appropriate?  Go with it.

With Rachael I was careful to dress her in these wonderful little get-ups, letting her choose her own clothing came much later in the game. She always matched, her dress to her socks and her sweet little shoes.

When Peyton came along she was always a trend-bucker.  When she was diagnosed she began picking out truly bizarre clothing combinations, but I let her because my thought was really that she had so little control over anything in her life, would it kill me to let her leave the house in rain boots and a tutu?  No. And it never did. The 349934950 times she did it.  In fact, I learned to appreciate the pride with which she picked out her clothing for the day.

And yes, I did take her to Wal-mart in this, mask and all

Probably my favorite picture outfit of all time, balloon boobs and samuri swords stuck in her pants, girl’s got STYLE!

Rachael has always been one to go with the masses, wear what is trendy and what her peers are wearing. She spends her days in uniforms so she loves to kick up some color when she can. Peyton is one great big constant fashion show. You can never be sure if you’re going to get classic Vera Wang or outrageous Betsy Johnson ensemble.

Regardless of what they’re wearing, my girls manage to voice their unique personalities and you can truly see who they are.

This post is part of the special week-long Parent Bloggers Network Blog Blast with Polly Pocket Pop ‘N Swap to encourage girls to express themselves in how they dress and how they play. Even if your little fashionista still insists on some outrageous choices, you can cash in on her creativity at MomLogic. Upload a photo of her wackiest outfit, and you’ll get a Pop ‘n Swap sample just for entering!

Score one for Peyton in the battle of the binky!

Accidents have led to some of the great benchmarks in science and technology. There are a lot of great things that came from complete brainfarts.  Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin because he didn’t clean his equipment well enough and a culture of bacteria grew mold…I could have the cure for cancer growing in the back of my fridge and not even realize it.  Albert Hofmann was working on meds to stimulate the circulatory system when he absorbed some stuff through his fingertips and on his bike ride home he had the first acid trip ever…I have a great snarky comment to put here, but really CAN’T!

The list goes on and on, accidents or serendipity occurs that results in something fantastically positive.

We had one here last night. Yes, we did.

Peyton lost her binky!

She cried for 20 minutes while we hunted for the binky.

We failed to find it and she went to sleep without it.

Woke up and said, “I slept good without my binky, mama.”

And the angels wept.

Less than 3 months from her 5th birthday and my baby girl has finally decided that she doesn’t need the binky anymore!  I know, I know, some of you are probably judging me for letting her have it at all, and if you ask around, you’ll find that I really am all about the tough love.  I expect a lot of Peyton and have always disciplined her throughout treatment and tried to treat her as normally as I could.  I always held her accountable for her actions and behaviors.  She’s making a smooth transition out of the cancer life into the world that every preschooler should live.

But for the agony that is the binky!

This has been my one concession to her emotional frailty. She never had a special blanket, she wasn’t soothed by a particular toy…all she wanted was her binky. And I gave it to her. I would sweat great panicked drops if I reached in my purse at the clinic and realized I didn’t have one.  We used the American Expresses slogan, we never left home without one.  When she hurts, she wants it.  When she’s emotional from the steroids that play hell on her body, she wants it.

And you know what?  I don’t hesitate to give it to her.

I hated it. I hated it for my own personal reasons. I felt defensive when people would look at her and shake their head because she was obviously too old to be walking around with a pacifier.  I got plenty of unsolicited advice about what I was doing to her teeth and her psyche by letting her hold onto that pacifier.  I got the muttered “that’s just disgusting” more times than I can count.

And I didn’t take a swing at any of them.  Aren’t you proud of me?  I’m proud of me.  Because the urge was there, bubbling right under the surface of my skin. Most times I would turn and tell them that my daughter is in chemotherapy treatment, this is her comfort and if they didn’t like it, they could feel free to move out of visual range.  THANKYOUVERYMUCH! Buh-bye.

I’ve gotten a lot of embarrassed apologies.  I don’t want your apologies, I want you to mind your own damn business!  You don’t know my child, you don’t know what our circumstances are or what she’s going through.  I used to be one of those people who’d see kids “too old” to be in strollers or have a pacifier and roll my eyes and think “what lazy, stupid parents”.  I’m guilty too.


Let’s be kind to one another. You don’t know what is going on in their lives.

Ok, wow, this was supposed to just be an excited post about how Peyton finally slept without a binky.  But that’s the way this thing goes, with no defined destination, it rambles where it will.

She was very proud of herself this morning for making it the whole night sans binky. We celebrated it and I sent her off to school with enough happy thoughts that she probably floated all the way to her classroom.

I like to think that this is it and we’ve turned a corner, but chances are tonight we’ll be hunting for a binky and crying when none is found….but she knows that she can go the whole night without it and that’s the first step!

Lots of Lazy Link Love

Easy like Sunday morning! So easy, I’m doing it Saturday night.

In the aftermath of a birthday party, a casino-hitting girl’s night out, and a diatribe against Locks of Love that has gotten some pretty serious response, I am taking today to be L-A-Z-Y!

I’m just going to hang with my kids, clean up around the house, plan for fundraisers that are being organized to help some of the tremendous kids in our area fighting cancer, get all my ducks in a row for a busy week ahead (which, really, when isn’t it a busy week? But I like to pretend that there might be a lull somewhere in there), think about the fact that Christmas is now just a smidge over three months away, and maybe? A nap. Who knows? I’m crazy like that.

Anyways, I leave you with these lovely links, some are mine, some take you to fun worlds of fantasy that will lure you with promises of unicorn kisses and leprechaun hugs.

No.

They’re won’t.

But they’re worth the read.

{{SMOOCHES!}}

Special Needs Blog Where I’m posting about being married in a special needs family.

There’s a contest that could win you a $50 gift certificate for some mighty fine products from Tiny Prints! You have to help me out and jump on this offer!

The 2008 Nascar Foundation Blood and Marrow Drive – If you’re considering getting on the national registry, the Nascar Foundation is hooked up with the National Bone Marrow Registry to provide the testing supplies to you free of charge. I know this one is coming late in the game, but it’s open until Sept 22, so hurry!  You could very literally SAVE a life. Please consider it.

Need a camera? Think winning one for free sounds good?  Hello! I just said that Christmas is three months away, people!!  Tanis over at Attack of the Redneck Mommy is hosting a contest for a new digital camera.

This one is a special love note of my deepest affections for Peter.

How to be awesomely cute and effectively scary at the same time, as only Jozet could.

This guy cracks me UP and you know you have one of these photos laying around too.

And, finally, Steph? My new hero because she had her baby at HOME this week, ya’ll! At home. Gave birth. To a baby. In her home. Twittered throughout. New baby Ivy is gorgeous. Go send her some congrats on being tougher, cooler and braver in the face of impending labor than I could ever have been.

Locks of Love, you disappoint me greatly

Ok, fasten your seat belts because this is a letter that I’m sending RIGHT.THIS.SECOND.

Dear Locks Of Love,

HOW dare you?

After hearing that multiple requests for wigs from your organization were rejected because you “prefer” to give your products to kids with long-term hair loss ONLY, I am not only angry, but frustrated and hurt and truly shocked.

How dare you minimize the emotional and social effects on any child with hair loss?  Whether that hair loss is life-long or ONLY for months/years, how do you make the choice that one’s child hurt is less than another’s?

From your own website:

The children who receive these hairpieces have lost more than their hair; they suffer from a loss of self. Many children have been teased by classmates and/or embarrassed by the attention they receive because of their hair loss. They often will withdraw from normal childhood activities such as swimming, going to the mall or even playing with their friends. While wearing a hairpiece is certainly not a cure for these children, it can help restore some of the normalcy to their everyday lives that most of us take for granted. It is our goal to help provide a foundation on which they can begin to rebuild their self-esteem.

While I understand that children with alopecia do have a longer-term need, can I just share that as the parent of a child whose hair fell out in clumps, who hurt with every glaring stare and pointed finger, this is a devastating punch in the gut.

So many of our friends and our friends’ children were quick to cut their hair in a show of support and solidarity when my daughter lost her hair.  They donated to your organization because they thought they would be helping other girls with cancer better cope with the physical changes and self esteem issues that occur during their treatment.

I am so sad to tell them that it is not so.  Your organization doesn’t deem them sufficiently affected by their hair loss, you don’t think that their tears at seeing their beautiful hair shaved off are worthy of your help.

I am outraged on behalf of the many girls who sent in applications only to receive a rejection. REALLY?  THIS is how you help?  By telling them that their hair loss is only temporary and that it isn’t a big deal, so suck it up?

I hope you never have to hold your child who is sick, fighting a life-threatening disease and whose desire to at least look somewhat “normal” is denied. It’s not something I would wish on anyone.

For future reference, if anyone ever asks me about donating their hair, I will make sure to steer them in the direction of organizations and foundations that take the needs of short-term hair loss sufferers.

Wigs for Kids not only provides hairpieces for children with the short-term hair loss from chemotherapy treatment, they are donated free of charge. (Locks of Love has a significant cost to many families)

**Edited to update (which, at finish, could have been an entire post of its own, but oh well)

Let me start by saying this: I think any organization that helps kids, does its best to benefit children in need, whether its financial, physical or emotional, deserves a huge thank you.  I do think Locks of Love is a great organization for what they do, for whom they do it for.  I know that for the families and children who benefit from their work, it’s an amazing gift and much deserved.

My biggest issue is the misconceptions that they don’t correct and foster to breed the donations.  I know that this information is coming as a shock to many, I was floored to find out that so many of the kids we know had been denied.  However, if you say Locks of Love, how many people truly think “what a great alopecia charity”?  No, I think because the vast majority of people don’t realize that alopecia is such an issue for children, a half a million kids in the US suffer from one form or another of this disorder, they automatically assume that the hair is being donated for kids with cancer.

I couldn’t count on all the fingers and toes in my household how many people emailed or called or just stopped me to say, “My little girl cut her hair and donated it to Locks of Love in honor of Peyton.”  Do you think they would have done that if they’d known that should Peyton have wanted a wig, she would have been denied?  Do people realize that when they donate to Locks of Love that they aren’t giving so more wigs can be made, their funds may be used for alopecia research grants?  Not that it’s a bad thing by any means, but people need to know.  That’s a lot our fault for not researching better into where we’re donating.

The other thing that I learned about them is that some 80% of hair donated is thrown straight into the trash or SOLD, deemed “unusable for the wigs”, yet the hair is sold to wig companies who then turn them into WIGS. There are some really interesting statistics and information about how Locks of Love takes in their hair donations and funding if anyone is interested in learning more.

I certainly did not mean to diminish the suffering of children with alopecia, who make up over 80% of Locks of Love’s donations.

But I also know that these children’s disorders aren’t life-threatening. A child who is old enough to be aware of their hair loss is old enough to be very aware of how sick they are.  And if having hair makes it easier to face a day, why can’t Locks of Love get behind that too? Leukemia makes up about 80% of childhood cancer diagnoses and these kids don’t qualify.

Again, I’m just glad to hear of an organization like Wigs for Kids or Little Princesses (which does the same thing for cancer kids in the UK) that fills in the gaps of what Locks of Love doesn’t provide. One more thing is that since Locks of Love is still the big name brand out there for hair donation, the smaller foundations don’t get as many donations, of money or hair.  So, if you ever hear someone say they want to donate their hair specifically for cancer kids, make sure to just share with them that the majority of them won’t get it through Locks of Love.

We MUST protect our children

When I read this article from Silicon Valley Moms Blog it made my skin crawl and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

Some of you might remember when we had our own brush with the super creepy guy at Books-A-Million.

Repost from January:

This is where the day took a HUGE nosedive. I promised the kids I would take them to the bookstore…a GOOD bookstore….and we went to the Books-A-Million at our mall. We’re in the kid’s section, the girls are playing with a table of trains they have set up and Nathaniel’s playing his Nintendo DS and I’m just sitting….trying to catch my breath from that whole shoe extravaganza. This other little boy kicks up a conversation with Nathaniel and they start comparing Pokemon, sharing tricks of the games, talking a little smack…all good fun. Then this guy sitting across from us tries to join in the conversation. Now, I’m sitting right there, less than an arms-length from Nathaniel and this guy starts trying to talk to the boys. He’s asking them all sorts of Pokemon questions, talking about how good he is at the game, how he has all the newest games before they come out in the States because he gets them straight from Japan, how he knows how to get them for free. I’m looking at this guy, and I’m thinking “Wow, dude, you need to get a life! These are kids, they’re allowed to be obsessed, you’re a little crazy.”

But I have this weird creepy feeling about this guy, just watching and listening to his conversation.

He drops the bomb.

He says, “You know, they have those games here, and a really good Pokemon book section…I COULD TAKE YOU OVER THERE AND SHOW YOU WHERE THEY ARE!”

What? What was that?? They don’t carry video games in the bookstore. And did you just ask my kid to walk away with you??? Are you kidding me?

Ok…that’s the moment when Mama Bear Mayhew came unhinged. I went off on this guy. I tore him a new one, I raked him up one side and down the other. It was ugly, but it was all I could do not to physically attack this guy. I grabbed all three of my kids and stormed off, I went straight to the manager and told him exactly what happened. I’m sure he already knew that he had a crazy lady screeching in the children’s department, but I let him know why. He went over and came back and asked me to describe the guy…would you believe that he was STILL sitting in the kid’s section?

They ended up calling security and having him thrown out of the mall. I was so freaked out that all I wanted to do was get my kids the heck out of that mall. I practically ran out of there with my three in tow. Once in the car, after having a long talk with the kids reaffirming the danger of strangers and what not to do and what to do, I hauled butt out of the mall.

I kicked myself in the butt the rest of the afternoon for not calling the police and at least giving a report of the guy and getting his information. I may have totally over-reacted, but in my gut, I know this guy was up to something bad. I wish I’d taken the time to calm down and stayed long enough to see what security did, but I just wanted my kids safe and far away.

Um, yeah.  What I didn’t know at the time was that if I’d called the police, they could have charged him with attempting to lure a child. Ok, let the self-butt-kicking commence again.

If you read the Silicon Valley Moms post at the top, you’ll get more info on Bill 1738, The Protect Our Children Act.  But the basic point is that this bill is in the Senate RIGHT NOW and will expire on 9/29.  It will provide funding for police departments to use in the fight to stop pedophiles and sexual predators from hurting more children.  Using this Oprah link, you can find how to write your Senator and tell them that you want them to vote YES on this bill.

Because if anyone ever lays a hand on one of my kids, you can bet I’ll be blogging from prison.