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Score one for Peyton in the battle of the binky!

Accidents have led to some of the great benchmarks in science and technology. There are a lot of great things that came from complete brainfarts.  Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin because he didn’t clean his equipment well enough and a culture of bacteria grew mold…I could have the cure for cancer growing in the back of my fridge and not even realize it.  Albert Hofmann was working on meds to stimulate the circulatory system when he absorbed some stuff through his fingertips and on his bike ride home he had the first acid trip ever…I have a great snarky comment to put here, but really CAN’T!

The list goes on and on, accidents or serendipity occurs that results in something fantastically positive.

We had one here last night. Yes, we did.

Peyton lost her binky!

She cried for 20 minutes while we hunted for the binky.

We failed to find it and she went to sleep without it.

Woke up and said, “I slept good without my binky, mama.”

And the angels wept.

Less than 3 months from her 5th birthday and my baby girl has finally decided that she doesn’t need the binky anymore!  I know, I know, some of you are probably judging me for letting her have it at all, and if you ask around, you’ll find that I really am all about the tough love.  I expect a lot of Peyton and have always disciplined her throughout treatment and tried to treat her as normally as I could.  I always held her accountable for her actions and behaviors.  She’s making a smooth transition out of the cancer life into the world that every preschooler should live.

But for the agony that is the binky!

This has been my one concession to her emotional frailty. She never had a special blanket, she wasn’t soothed by a particular toy…all she wanted was her binky. And I gave it to her. I would sweat great panicked drops if I reached in my purse at the clinic and realized I didn’t have one.  We used the American Expresses slogan, we never left home without one.  When she hurts, she wants it.  When she’s emotional from the steroids that play hell on her body, she wants it.

And you know what?  I don’t hesitate to give it to her.

I hated it. I hated it for my own personal reasons. I felt defensive when people would look at her and shake their head because she was obviously too old to be walking around with a pacifier.  I got plenty of unsolicited advice about what I was doing to her teeth and her psyche by letting her hold onto that pacifier.  I got the muttered “that’s just disgusting” more times than I can count.

And I didn’t take a swing at any of them.  Aren’t you proud of me?  I’m proud of me.  Because the urge was there, bubbling right under the surface of my skin. Most times I would turn and tell them that my daughter is in chemotherapy treatment, this is her comfort and if they didn’t like it, they could feel free to move out of visual range.  THANKYOUVERYMUCH! Buh-bye.

I’ve gotten a lot of embarrassed apologies.  I don’t want your apologies, I want you to mind your own damn business!  You don’t know my child, you don’t know what our circumstances are or what she’s going through.  I used to be one of those people who’d see kids “too old” to be in strollers or have a pacifier and roll my eyes and think “what lazy, stupid parents”.  I’m guilty too.

Let’s be kind to one another. You don’t know what is going on in their lives.

Ok, wow, this was supposed to just be an excited post about how Peyton finally slept without a binky.  But that’s the way this thing goes, with no defined destination, it rambles where it will.

She was very proud of herself this morning for making it the whole night sans binky. We celebrated it and I sent her off to school with enough happy thoughts that she probably floated all the way to her classroom.

I like to think that this is it and we’ve turned a corner, but chances are tonight we’ll be hunting for a binky and crying when none is found….but she knows that she can go the whole night without it and that’s the first step!

20 Comments on “Score one for Peyton in the battle of the binky!”

  1. #1 Brittany
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    Congrats Peyton! And boo to all those naysayers, I was one myself until I actually had kids, and realized I would soon have no room to judge. Now excuse me, I must get my 2 year old a new bottle…YES BOTTLE!

    Brittanys last blog post..Grounded until your water breaks.

  2. #2 Normal to Natalie
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    yeah for her!!! knowing she can do it is a huge part of the battle!!!

    my baby james may get to have his forever too but that is beside the point. they are only little once and when they find something that comforts them and it doesn’t involve you…you let it be! and i’m with you… i want everyone to keep their unsolicited advice to themselves so that i don’t get in trouble for punching someone….

    Normal to Natalies last blog post..Bring on the Brain-Rot!

  3. #3 Natalie
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    One more confirmation that Peyton is one bad a$$ rockstar with enough strength to handle anything thrown her way!
    Lovin ya’ll!

    Natalies last blog post..VERY brief update

  4. #4 Debbie
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Oh, that picture with it in the sand is priceless…I would have to blow it up and frame it…lol!

    Oh man, was my daughter ever attached to her “sissy” (pacifier). (I bronzed her last one). They were inseparable from the first day I stuck in her mouth at the hospital to a day (when she was about 3) when SHE decided it needed to go in the trashcan at church. My parents would always try and take it away from her, whenever they’d see it in her mouth, but I just basically told them to mind their own business – in a nice, daughterly way.

    You know, seeing big kids with bottles and pacifiers has never bothered me. The only thing that ever has, was the one time I saw a little boy – who had to be like 6 – still breast-feeding. I’m all for breast feeding in public, but if you’ve got a 6 year old that’s still attached, then maybe you should think about doing it at home.

    BUT, like you said, maybe I don’t know their situation… so taking your advice, from now on I’ll try to just ignore it. (Not that I’ve ever seen anything like that since).

    Anyway, I hope that Peyton doesn’t cry too much tonight for her pacifier.

  5. #5 basi
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Yeah for you and Peyton. It’s the last baby thing to go for Kate and Peyton. Now Kate is asking me for a baby sister! I’m glad she’s a big girl, but let’s not go there please!

    love ya, basi
    p.s. are you guys going to be up in Orlando for Veteran’s day?

  6. #6 Debby
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    I’ve always felt that kids know when to give that stuff up on their own and that it creates more trauma and the need for the item if the issue is forced by mom or dad. Your sweet baby has been through so much that I can’t believe anyone would be so down on her using a binky to help feel better. BTW-I’m with you all the way with the MYOB, sister!

    Debbys last blog post..Bullets Baby!

  7. #7 Maria
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    Those pictures are so heartbreaking and sweet. I can imagine that sometimes it’s a struggle not to let her do anything she wants 24/6 all the time. So I applaud both of your packy efforts.

    Marias last blog post..april showers

  8. #8 Shannon HO!
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    I won’t be at the CCC tomorrow – but please tell Peyton that I think it’s AMAZING she went the WHOLE night without her binky! She’s very brave and strong for going it on her own like that! I’m 40 and still have a special pillow I HAVE to have to sleep!
    Told you not to worry – the day would come…she may fall off the wagon a few times, but homecoming, prom, graduation and the wedding won’t have a binky in it!
    Love u guys!

  9. #9 jennifer
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    My daughter Courtney refused to give up her bottle. It calmed her anxiety. She has multiple dx including pediatric bipolar disorder. I can’t tell you how many comments and dirty looks I received when people saw an 8 year old child with a bottle. However, I ignored them since I figured that she would not walk down the aisle with the bottle in her mouth. She finally gave it up on her own when she was ready. I agree that people need to shut their mouths when they don’t know people’s circumstances.

  10. #10 Karalyn
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    Yaaaaayyyyyyy Peyton!!!!!!

  11. #11 Dan Cohen
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    I was reading your post and as soon as I read “Peyton lost her binky! She cried for 20 minutes while we hunted for the binky, ” I said, “oh no…let’s get her a binky. ”
    I didn’t know what a binki was. But whatever it was, my buddy was crying for it.

    I am proud of you for sleeping without your binki, Peyton.

    Now if you do find that binky and Princess Peyton no longer needs it, perhaps she can send it to one of my customers? I know that they are adults. But some of them can be… well let’s just say that some of them really need it.

    Sending hugs,

    Dan Cohen
    North Miami Beach, FL

  12. #12 lori astacio
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    Congratulations! You did it! Your mommy, daddy, and so many others are so proud of you. Just add this to your list of things that you have been strong enough to accomplish, even at such a young age. You rock!

  13. #13 Jennifer (KCC)
    on Sep 22nd, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    Woo, Peyton! I hope night #2 without the binky went smoothly!

    And that picture with the sand all over the binky…kinda made me gag a little.

    Jennifer (KCC)s last blog post..With Hope

  14. #14 Dawn
    on Sep 23rd, 2008 at 4:54 am

    Yeah for Peyton, that’s brilliant. You know, when I was young my Mum wouldn’t let me have a binky so I used to suck my thumb. I did that until I was 12 and had to stay with my aunt for a week. I had an older cousin who was really nasty to me about it and shamed me into stopping! I hated him for doing that but I wonder if I’d still be sucking my thumb now if he hadn’t!!

    The point is no-one is still using a binky at 12 (as far as I know anyway!), so I let my kids have those instead and they all stopped in their own time. None of them carried on past infant school age – they all want to be like their friends. But night time’s a whole different story isn’t it. So tell Peyton we’re all REALLY proud of her and I hope the second night went as smoothly as the first. BTW if she gets to the point of wanting to throw it away tell her to put it under the pillow and see if there’s a binky fairy passing by instead of the tooth fairy!

  15. #15 Elinor
    on Sep 23rd, 2008 at 8:21 am

    The concept of “giving up” the pacifier, bottle, thumb or “blanky” lends itself to the idea that the child should not have had it for any period of time that some might consider way too long. But, everyone has their own way of dealing with stress (wine, cigarettes, pills, etc.) so why would we not allow a little child hold onto their comfort items?

    I am sure Peyton is proud of herself!!!! She is quite an adorable girl.

  16. #16 Rhonda
    on Sep 23rd, 2008 at 9:06 am

    Man, there are times I prayed for my daughter to SUCK A BINKY!!!!!!!! I used to put it in her mouth and hold it there-but she didn’t want it, and with the force of the space shuttle taking off – out it would pop! She got used to the cloth diaper I held under her chin when she was feeding and on my shoulder when I burped her-so after that she could just have the cloth diaper next to her face and she would just drift off to sleep. She graduated to a much prettier blanket with felt Scottie dogs-and carried it until it was thread bare-and she was ready to give it up. We all have our security items we need to make us feel safe and better. Hail to the Binky-less Queen Peyton! So what it she relapses, and wants that binky every now and then-life is too precious and short to fret over it! Congrats Peyton! We love you!!

  17. #17 lucille
    on Sep 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    I’ve been thinking about the binky and I think adults are jealous when they make a comment about it….perhaps we would have less smokers, over eaters and/or alcoholics if we all had a binky. Hell, I would love a class set for my kindergarten students. Hmmmmm, maybe I should add that to our supply list? There is so much more to life than worrying about a sweet little girl who just wants her Binkie.

  18. #18 Dan Cohen
    on Sep 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 pm

    OK true story here.

    My family lived in Haiti and so I was born and grew up there. Every year we have Carnival. One year, one of the bands song was named biberon (French for baby bottle). You had to see all the fans (adults too) with their baby bottle.

    Dan Cohen
    North Miami Beach, FL

  19. #19 Jennifer
    on Sep 24th, 2008 at 12:02 am

    Oh, oh, oh!!! I heard the GREATEST binky send off idea the other day. Of course, Peyton may not be ready to do it yet but keep this idea in your back pocket for when she is ready…

    My friend has triplets who were all very attached to their binkies. When it was time to give them up, they each chose one favorite binky and took it to the mall with them. They went to Build-A-Bear and when it was time to put the little satin heart inside the bear, they also stuck their binky in with it. The bears were stitched up and the binkies were no longer accessible. Okay, so my friend could have ripped open the bears to get to the binkies but the girls didn’t know that. Anyway, my friend told the girls that since they were now too big for their binkies, it meant they were big enough to have a special bear (which by the way, were all named “Binky Bear”). My friend said if you squeeze the bears in just the right place, you can still feel the binkies inside them.

    M was done with her binky by the time I had heard about this idea so we didn’t do it. I don’t know if you remember me telling you about the “Binky Fairy” idea that I tried (put binkies in bag and tie bag to a tree, Binky Fairy comes in middle of night and takes binkies but leaves a big girl gift). That didn’t so much work for us. I ended up out on the front lawn in the middle of the night desperately trying to untie a frickin’ bag out of the tree while my 2 year old sobbed all the while. Eventually she broke the binky addiction but if truth be known, she still misses it (and so do I)and would gladly take one if I gave her one.

    I’m rambling now. Sorry. Just wanted to share the Build-A-Bear idea in case you wanted to try it.

    Love you guys!

    Jennifers last blog post..Move Over Goldie Hawn…

  20. #20 Sarah Clapp
    on Sep 24th, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    Whatever works for you. You should never feel bad about doing what works for you and your family. My thoughts are, you know the day is going to come when she doesn’t need it. She’s not going to be 16 and sucking it, so what the HELL! 😉

    Sarah Clapps last blog post..Happy Birthday Lysee (and Seth)