Hope4Peyton

I got an email this week asking me all sorts of questions on how to make a better blog with more traffic.

HEH.

After I got past the initial “yo, did you somehow manage to confuse me with the very blond, very tall, very caucasian Dooce or something? I’m no one’s blogging expert” of it all, I then wanted to say “hey, when you figure it out, shoot me a link so I can check it out too.”

Cause me?  Pretty clueless, just floating along here in River Blogiverse…trying not to drown or let anyone else steal my raft.

And that, people, is the full extent of my genius.  Very crappy analogies.  We all have a gift.

You can thank me later and all checks should be made out to Anissa Mayhew. That’s with one N and two S’s.

But then I also saw a KAPOW! contest through Mabel’s Labels (which are fabulous, that’s a review for another day) to win a full ride to the BlogHer conference in Chicago this summer…asking “what are the rewards and benefits of being a part of the blogging community”…and I said to myself, “Self? Think maybe we can pull something wise out of our…hat…in answer to that question and win us some free airfare?”

Self said, “Are you kidding? We loooves the blogging community, let’s do it!”

I said, “Go ahead, astound me with your wit and prose.”

Self said, “Oh. Crap. Totally thought you were going to lead the charge.”

So, here we go, people, my shameless attempt to win a free trip!  With my extra special blogger magic trick…watch carefully…Bulletpoints.

You learned it here.

Things that ROCK about being part of the blogging community

aka..getting free stuff and meeting ridiculously cool people online who won’t kill you

• Meeting ridiculously cool people, and no one’s tried to kill me yet, so I think I’m safe on the title.  Truly, though?  That’s completely for real.  I suppose if you’re not a blogger you’ve yet to experience that fascinating phenomenon when people tilt their head and just stare at you when you answer their “what do you do?” with “I’m a blogger”.  There’s something divinely wonderful about having a group of people who understand the need to write, even if it’s only read by twenty people and six of those share your last name.  They get that maybe not all great writers (and that’s NOT me puffing up under the category) are published in books…there is some captivating skill at play in the blogworld.
• I think it’s simply fun to be a part of a movement in corporate America that understands that moms talk to moms.  We talk about the things we like and the things we don’t and no commercial or print ad in the world can have as much impact as one other mom leaning over to another mom and saying, “hey, I use that and it’s a really great thing.” Getting into the review side of blogging has brought some great opportunities to share the information and products I’ve gotten with all of you…and free stuff!
• Twitter.  That’s it.  Twitter is endless amounts of amusement, and I would never have found it on my own or enjoyed it as much if it weren’t such a tool amongst bloggers to connect and socialize.
• The chance to really raise awareness of childhood cancer to such a wide flung group of people.  Although I’ve always said I wanted to use the blog as a way to raise awareness, I never really had a plan on how to do that.  Still don’t, but it’s happening.  Even if it’s one new person a week who happens to stumble across the site and spend two minutes there, you can’t ignore the message and I have been blown away by the fact that no one ever said, “Seriously? You blog about your kid with cancer? YOU are depressing, go away.”  Instead, so many have shared that it impacted them profoundly and that makes it all worth while.
• And lastly?  Nowhere else are you going to find a group of people so universally grounded in solidarity around the love for bacon, chocolate, and booze. I am home.

It’s hard when you come eye to eye with traits in your personality you wish didn’t exist. Maybe you know they’re there and you work around them…sometimes better able to control them than others.

Friends and I have talked about the effort it takes to teach our kids, and especially our ones who are sick, to get off that platform of self-entitlement.  It’s difficult when people are constantly patting you on the back and telling you what a good big brother and sister you are, how strong and brave you are, when you’re inundated with cards or gifts or tokens of love every time you so much as fart.

And it’s not that I’m not thankful for that, don’t get me wrong…they DO deserve to be acknowledged for being brave, for surviving the impact of cancer in our lives, for managing to weather three years of hell and not come out the other side as complete and total punks.

Yet, they aren’t allowed to just assume that because they breathe they deserve.

You are not celebrities or royalty…and the main thing that I dislike about celebrities and royalty IS that innate sense of self-entitlement.

I AM therefore I DESERVE.

Scrolling through my Google reader, I pause on a blog post from one of my most favoritest writers, Casey at Moosh In Indy.  She wrote about comparing yourself to others and finding fault in what you have because it’s not what others have and learning not to define yourself by “where you are” in your life…but by the quality of faith and love with which you live it.

For some reason…it didn’t even really have anything to do with this…it slapped me in the face like a wet towel.

I have been so busy worrying about my kids looking like GIMMEGIMMEGIMME jerks, I may have forgotten to take a self-reflective moment and recognize that in myself.

And it hit me HARD that I’ve been THAT self-entitled jerk regarding this house and my expectations of life now that Peyton’s ended treatment.

I can truly sum it up in the house-buying effort.

I want that big, shiny, wonderful, lovely house with the sparkly goodness in every nook and cranny.  I want the big yard where I can watch the kids build forts and play raucously. I want the nice neighborhood with it’s mini-van brigade and the apple pie home-yness of it all.  I want the slick transition into a normal life.

WE deserve it. I deserve it.  My husband deserves it. My children sure as hell deserve it. We have been through so much.

We had plans before she got sick.  We had goals and a spreadsheet and EXPECTATIONS.  And they all fell by the wayside when our situation became so much bigger than us.  Our only goal was to get her through treatment…and keep our family intact.  Peter and I took turns whispering, “Don’t leave me, k?” We sometimes overhugged our kids to try to reinforce with the strength of our arms the love in our hearts that we didn’t always have or TAKE the time to say.

And now that it’s “over”?

We deserve some happiness and joy. We deserve to be a family and just love each other more every day.

However, it’s been a struggle for me to come to grips with the fact that it doesn’t mean we deserve the Barbie Dream House. It doesn’t mean we HAVE to have new furniture. Nowhere did we sign the contract that said if we got through it we got to be a complete jerk about what we felt we’d been shortchanged.

And by “we”, you all know I truly mean “I”.

The clouds parted and, although it took a considerable amount of mental KY jelly and Crisco, I managed to pull my head out of my own butt.

I HAVE everything I ever prayed for…I GOT everything I ever needed.

I have more than so many.

My daughter is alive…when so many we know (and don’t know) didn’t win their cancer battle.

I have my marriage…we watched too many families split apart from the strain.

My family is amazing…I’ve seen the effects of this experience transform people.

I have the support of an army of friends…an unexpected but tremendous blessing.

I have this blog…it’s been a lifeline and a dumping ground and a safe haven, and without it the army of friends I mentioned would be much smaller.

My husband has a job…nothing to scoff at when millions of family are facing financial devastation.

We have options and the ability to make plans and start setting goals and anticipating the future.

I have faith that God has us firmly where we are supposed to be right now and if we keep on trusting Him things will work out.

So, today I got the news that we aren’t going to get that house…we may, in fact, have to rent something smaller and less exciting and not the shiny brass ring I’d hoped for at the end of a long, tiring ride.

I am SO ok with that.

In a way I didn’t think I would be.

But enough that I’m actually pretty proud of myself.

Which, I suppose, is a post for another day.  *sigh*  It’s hard being me.

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Still giving away that HP Photosmart All-In-One Wireless Printer! And a lot of you got thee hence and entered, but it’ll be open for entry until Feb 3, so just get used to hearing about it!

As you may have noticed, I made some changes around here.  Hung some new curtains, actually dusted off the fans and got some new throw pillows to keep it fresh.

I’m like that.  I have to change things occassionally or I get sick of looking at it. That’s probably why I change the header each month…I need to look at TEH NEW! Thanks for not screaming, “Leave the header alone for once, you OCD lunatic!”

Screaming makes my inside voices angry.  Very angry.

*ahem* AND moving on.

One thing I did want to let you all in on is a new thing I’m trying out in the comments of each post.  I’ve tried to be good not horrible somewhat consistant about replying back to all you wonderful people who comment…love you with big huge smooshy kisses!…but Gmail is eating my soul.

SO! From now on, I can reply to you directly from the comments section and don’t think I just decided to be a jerk and not email you back E.V.E.R….because it’s not like I’ve ever done THAT before…it’s just that your answer will now be in the comments section.

New stuff is KOOL!

Please keep leaving me your awesome, wonderful, snarky, sincere comments and I’ll keep ignoring them in hopes the magic comment fairy answers them them close to my heart.

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Anissa, you might say, you haven’t had a giveaway for a while. Are you slacking off on your review site?

Yes, I might answer, I have been.  I’m so sorry for that. Let me rectify the situation RIGHT.THIS.SECOND.

People, I got a giveway of an HP Photosmart All-In-One Wireless Printer going on….get thee hence and enter for the contest!

I have censored what I write and post here to the effect that I try not to tick off my family.  I don’t use colorful language because my mother would have a kitten, I don’t post dirty limmericks because my mother-in-law would probably have me sedated, I don’t tell you about a bunch of the stuff Peter does because…well…I WOULD like to stay married.

But THIS?  This just has to be posted.

Sorry, mom.

My brother-in-law? Peter’s brother?  Is a complete jackass.

He’s a nice guy, he has his moments, the kids adore him and he IS family.

That being said.

Did you ever see the movie Hannibal? There’s this horrific scene where the bad guy feeds someone to a pack of flesh-eating boars…just throws him in there alive and screaming.

Yeah.

I wanted to do THAT to him.

Why?

Because THIS (and I kid you NOT) was tucked inside the birthday card he sent Nathaniel…who turned 11…11 years old…my son got THIS for his birthday from his uncle.

With the lovely sentimental poetry “This is what you’ll be missing when you move from Florida.”

REALLY?  He’s 11.  Don’t think he was going to miss it that much.

Say it with me slowly: J-A-C-K-A-S-S

Sweet birthday gesture? EPIC FAIL

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On a totally different note, check out my post on Peyton’s pill-popping addiction over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. (Errr, it just dawned on me that it won’t actually post until 2 pm (EST) so feel free NOT to click on the link if it’s earlier than that. HEH. I ain’t so much with the good planning.)

And, not a post I wrote, but one by the EVER brilliant Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer and BlogHer…but she mentions us as a “commuter family“.

Yes, there are pictures.

Even if I wanted to pretend I didn’t dress up like a 27th century bar wench and parade around downtown Tampa with my bosoms hanging out…I couldn’t.

Not only are there way too many pictures out there, some even stupidly self-posted…because these other so called friends photographers are all too willing to just throw me under the float…so I beat ’em to the punch and posted the silly pictures first.

Suffice it to say that we had an absolute blast.  *note to self: wear comfortable shoes next time as the three blisters on my right foot says black leather boots were a bad choice* The kids thought throwing beads to the crazed masses was an absolute HOOT!

I nearly lost it when Nathaniel announced: This is the best fun EVER! I like throwing beads!

Oh, my sweet innocent son, may you never set foot in New Orleans.

And this offense to all the underwire in every bra across the universe was taken by my own loving husband. Frankly, I’m amazed my head’s even IN the picture.  *The next person who tells me they’d like a pint of ale is getting punched in the tenders.*

Huge thanks to the Pediatric Cancer Foundation and the Krewe Belle la Femmes for an absolutely fabulous day!