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My husband’s brother? He’s not so bright.

I have censored what I write and post here to the effect that I try not to tick off my family.  I don’t use colorful language because my mother would have a kitten, I don’t post dirty limmericks because my mother-in-law would probably have me sedated, I don’t tell you about a bunch of the stuff Peter does because…well…I WOULD like to stay married.

But THIS?  This just has to be posted.

Sorry, mom.

My brother-in-law? Peter’s brother?  Is a complete jackass.

He’s a nice guy, he has his moments, the kids adore him and he IS family.

That being said.

Did you ever see the movie Hannibal? There’s this horrific scene where the bad guy feeds someone to a pack of flesh-eating boars…just throws him in there alive and screaming.


I wanted to do THAT to him.


Because THIS (and I kid you NOT) was tucked inside the birthday card he sent Nathaniel…who turned 11…11 years old…my son got THIS for his birthday from his uncle.


With the lovely sentimental poetry “This is what you’ll be missing when you move from Florida.”

REALLY?  He’s 11.  Don’t think he was going to miss it that much.

Say it with me slowly: J-A-C-K-A-S-S

Sweet birthday gesture? EPIC FAIL


On a totally different note, check out my post on Peyton’s pill-popping addiction over at 5 Minutes for Special Needs. (Errr, it just dawned on me that it won’t actually post until 2 pm (EST) so feel free NOT to click on the link if it’s earlier than that. HEH. I ain’t so much with the good planning.)

And, not a post I wrote, but one by the EVER brilliant Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer and BlogHer…but she mentions us as a “commuter family“.

37 Comments on “My husband’s brother? He’s not so bright.”

  1. #1 YatPundit
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 7:56 am

    well, the model on the card does have a nice butt. 🙂

    still, you’re right, it’s not something you give a 11yo boy. Let him find his soft-core porn on the Internet, like the rest of us.

    YatPundits last blog post..Big Charity: The Money Talks, Not The Neighborhood

  2. #2 Niki a.k.a. Mommielicious
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 8:37 am

    you know? I think my son at 11 would have been more pissed with the postcard – especially if it replaced the money that he would have been expecting. He still does the turn the card upside down thing to see if money falls out.

    Niki a.k.a. Mommieliciouss last blog post..It’s a good thing if it hurts

  3. #3 Kyla
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 9:56 am

    I’d of killed him. Is he childless? Childless men seemed to be clueless about oh so many things.

    Kylas last blog post..Well, that’s one way to wake me up.

  4. #4 Chrissi
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 10:52 am

    As you and I have already talked via twitter – this is just NOT okay.

    After having a similar situation happen, it just makes you wanna kick ’em, I know.. BOY do I know!

    Where’s the rusty fork? I mean, if you have to use it – USE it!

    Chrissis last blog post..On the rode to becoming a skinny bitch

  5. #5 Brandi
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Not okay! My son will turn 11 this summer…WARNING to his Uncles…Not Okay!

    Brandis last blog post..MEDICINE.

  6. #6 Janna
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    After almost choking on my lunch…

    How old are his kids? Does he have boys? I don’t think he would think it was as funny if it was a half-naked man on a card for his 11 year-old daughter!

    Justifiable homicide, me thinks!

    Jannas last blog post..Facebook

  7. #7 Ashley
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    Holy piss. He needs to be slapped upside the head…my Dad calls it “dough-popping”….which makes me wonder where in the hell that term came from, and if that’s how it’s even spelled. Reminds me of something one of my friend’s husbands would do. Dip shit.

  8. #8 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    YOU? are not allowed to ever speak to my son! He’ll find all that stuff on his own soon enough.

  9. #9 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    Are you saying that’s wrong? I might still do that too!

  10. #10 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    He’s totally childless and aren’t we all breathing a little easier for it?

  11. #11 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    You might never think it’s something you need to point out, but obviously it IS! LOL

  12. #12 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    He has NO kids…surprised? I think the world’s a safe place!

  13. #13 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    YEAAAH, I might need to buff up on my dough-popping skills. That’s an awesome term!

  14. #14 Peter Mayhew
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    Pride of the family folks….pride of the family.

    Peter Mayhews last blog post..I can’t even begin to lie about it

  15. #15 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    At least he’s not MY brother, right?

  16. #16 Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    I think you need to crop down your pirate pic from the other day, make it into a card and inscribe it…

    Hey asswipe, thanks for the card. If you’re hillbilly ass thinks that card was funny, you can lick arsenic off these.

    Or, you can just enter the contest on my blog and win and send him a strap-on for HIS birthday from your son.

    Fear and Parenting in Las Vegass last blog post..May I please be excused now? My brain is full.

  17. #17 Sarah Clapp
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    THAT’S WICKED FUNNY! But horrible and inappropriate at the sametime.

  18. #18 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    Yeah, that pretty much describes him: horrible and inappropriate.

  19. #19 Heidi
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    As my 14 year old daugther would text–OMG!!!
    He would be crucified! What did your son say? And what did you say in return? I’m sure that would make a great post in and of itself

    Heidis last blog post..Happy Birthday Aunt T

  20. #20 Chris
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    I would be livid. Absolutely livid. I have three sons and so many boys are eroticized at a young age. Again, I would be livid. You’re a good mom.

    Chriss last blog post..Conversations with Mamaw

  21. #21 threeundertwo
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    How did he get that picture of me?

    threeundertwos last blog post..Do As I Say

  22. #22 just mom
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    Wow. Just. . . wow.

    Whoda thunk you would need to censor the b-day cards before letting your son see them. I have to be nosy and ask what in the world Nathaniel’s reaction was.

    Oh, and as for dear ol’ Unk? Yeah, I probably would have more than a few choice words for him. What he did was just totally uncool.

  23. #23 The Mom Jen
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    OMG what a punk!

    The Mom Jens last blog post..McCrack-y Goodness

  24. #24 Shannon
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    Thanks for the link, chickadee, and for calling me brilliant–your check is in the mail! 😉

    Shannons last blog post..Our Snow/Ice Day, In Pictures, Because We’re a Little Bored

  25. #25 Shelley
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    OMG! from me too. Are you sure he and Peter were raised by the same parents? How dim does the bulb have to be for anyone to think sending THAT to an 11 year old was appropriate?!

  26. #26 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    I see your last blog post is about a birthday, did you send her nudie pictures too? Would love to see Aunt T’s response!

    Nathaniel was horrified. Poor kid, probably traumatized for life.

  27. #27 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    SO true! Like I said before, it’s going to happen on it’s own, I want to keep him naive and innocent as long as possible.

  28. #28 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    LOL!! I thought I recognized those butt dimples from somewhere

  29. #29 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:57 pm

    He thinks himself a “cool” uncle…I was 10 shades beyond ticked.

  30. #30 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    Want a copy for your anniversary card or anything? I’ll send my BIL a note to send you some extras

  31. #31 AnissaM
    on Jan 27th, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    Let’s just suffice it to say that the mother that birthed both these children was about to come out of her skin when she saw that.

    I really don’t think all cylinders are firing on that one.

  32. #32 Dawn
    on Jan 28th, 2009 at 6:18 am

    OMG!! So sorry Anissa, I know it’s not funny but I just laughed so much I forgot my cheese on toast under the grill and nearly burned the kitchen down! I’m talking about black smoke coming round the corner before I became aware of it. Your posts should come with some kind of warning girl – a bit like your brother-in-law’s b-day cards!
    If I was you I’d exact revenge. Take Nathaniel round to see his uncle and let him (in his own words) “punch him in the tenders”. Might calm dear old uncle down a bit!

  33. #33 Niki a.k.a. Mommielicious
    on Jan 28th, 2009 at 10:43 am

    No not wrong. At 11 I would prefer that my child bypass the psotcard and go immediately for looking for the money inside.

    Niki a.k.a. Mommieliciouss last blog post..Crack is Whack, Yo!

  34. #34 Elinor
    on Jan 28th, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    Was not the most appropriate thing to do, but it should have remained a private, family matter. So much fussing about nothing!!!

  35. #35 Karalyn
    on Jan 28th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    If it were kept private that would be called a diary.
    But this is a blog…for people to read…so we share here.
    So if she kept everything in her private diary we would have
    nothing to laugh at. And I, for one, need the laughs.
    Love you Anissa!

    Karalyns last blog post..I.E.P.F.U.

  36. #36 Elinor
    on Jan 29th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    My point, Karalyn, was that although what was done did not have to be kept private, but calling the uncle a jackass and saying other uncomplimentary things, should be kept within the family. I know the difference between a diary and a blog, thank you.

  37. #37 Tracy
    on Jan 30th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    My son at 13 would be embaressed by a card like that and try to hide it in the garbage.

    Single Uncles are a pain in the backside. From his Uncle my son recieved so many noise making toys as a little kid before the guy got married. Once he had a daughter we so wanted to pay him back, but we played nicely- and gave toys with lots of pieces.

    I’d definately be checking anything that this Uncle gives out for quite some time.