Hope4Peyton

Welcome to the newest edition of “Why Did I Have Kids?”

Reason #293 – They keep me humble

Getting out of the shower is never a fun thing because the shower faces a wall of mirrors in my bathroom.  Why this ever seemed like a good idea, I’m not sure.  But as the bathroom in question is pretty tiny, it was either that or there is no mirror at all and I have to pluck my eyebrows in the reflection of the faucet, which wasn’t going to work for me either.

So, every morning I get out of the shower (ok, so maybe not EVERY morning) and HELLO! Good morning, given-birth-to-three-body, now go away.

Now, please cleanse your mind of THAT mental image.  PLEASE.

Aaaaand, we’re moving on now.

Me stepping out of the shower, Nathaniel comes careening around the corner…because WHY would I ever need a moment to myself in the bathoom? I am never more interesting to my children than those precious few seconds I am in the bathroom.  I don’t know what magic they think I produce or what danger might befall me, but they aren’t going to ever chance missing it by not being RIGHT.AT.MY.SIDE.

Again, moving on.

Nathaniel has caught me getting out of the shower and I’m all “Go! GO! GOOOOO!”

He turns to leave.

But not before he sings this lovely little ditty.

“Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?”

Giggling himself silly.

*sigh*

Say it with me, friends.  Why did I have kids?

Peter and I caught a show called Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel (I KNOW! Like watching the smartzy stuff, no Sci-Fi channel or bemoaning the fact that Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t start for another couple of weeks, aren’t you proud of us?).

We were intrigued when the guy, Bear Grylls…who’s kind of hot in an oozing testosterone and manliness out of his pores kind of way, IF you’re into that whole macho thing….poked around at a 6-foot alligator with a stick.  We didn’t yet know the premise of the show, or WHY he was poking at an alligator with a stick while mumbling about how it could totally kill him, make him suffer a painful and excruciating death, and how if you had half a brain you would never TRY.THIS.AT.HOME.

AS IF!  I once nearly killed myself trying to get away from a frog, I don’t think going out of my way to tick off an animal famous for a move called ” the death roll” is gonna be happening any time soon.

The next thing you know, Bear is hopping on the alligator’s back and telling us how to most efficiently kill the alligator before it kills you.  ON ITS BACK!  Did I mention that this was a 6-foot swamp gator in the bayou in New Orleans?  Just hopped on it’s back like it was a pony….a pony that had its spinal cord severed 12 seconds later by the exceptionally sharp and scary knife he carries around.

Then he slung the dead animal over his shoulder and trotted off with it, talking about what a good eat it was going to be.

Nom Nom Nom.

Yeah.  Why, again?

I have no idea.

We finally got the premise of the show and all became clear (while still mildly insane). Bear gets dropped off into the middle of nowhere with nothing but his knife and has to Rambo his way out of there, finding food, water, shelter and protecting himself from whatever wild things might want to maul eviscerate hurt him.

During this one episode he:

• Produced fire with his knife
• Killed, gutted and ate the alligator
• Rubbed the alligator fat all over his skin because it apparently repels mosquitoes like some form of bayou OFF
• Made a bed up in a tree with nothing some sticks and Spanish moss
• Built a raft to cross a snake and alligator infested river….out of some rotted wooden planks
• Used his HAND as bait for a 20 pound catfish to nibble on…which he then gutted and ate raw
• Peed on himself (an ongoing theme) when his hand is nicked with poison…and I mean PEED ON PURPOSE, not because he freaked out and peed himself accidentally the way I would
• Navigated his way out of the bayou based on things l like slope of the land and tree moss

Did I ever tell you about the time I got lost in a Wal-mart parking lot?  20 minutes, people!

Ok, class, let’s see if we can figure out where this man lost his mind.  Was it before or after he rubbed alligator cellulite on his forehead or perhaps the minute he chose to stick his entire hand into the base of a rotted tree under water, hoping a fish and not a gator BIT.HIS.FINGERS!

It could not be more clear, more perfectly defined than during the watching of this show that should the end of days come and we are reduced to scavenging and foraging in the wilds for survival, I will be:

• The person rationing out the Skittles as life sustaining nutrition
• Suddenly vegetarian
• Frantically looking for a copy of “The Wilderness Survival Guide”, and if unable to be found, a copy of the final book in Stephen King’s gunslinger series, which I’ve yet to finish…so it would seem like a good time to stay busy, right?
• Hanging out by a Dick’s Sporting Goods store, as it seems a likely place to find weapons and outdoorsy, survival-y necessities…like sunscreen and chapstick
• Over here, NOT peeing on myself
• Utterly and completely useless

This is my idea of “roughing it” and it had better come with running water and electrical hookups.

“Dude, you almost done with that?”

“Yeah, just a second, I’m regulating some body fluids right now.”

“Ok, well, I just took some aspirin, so I could use the kidney if you’re almost finished.”

“Give me a minute, I’m almost finished.”

“I’m just saying! You’ve had the kidney for a while now and I need it the minute you’re done.”

“I forgot my kidneys at the apartment, so can’t you just use one of the other ones?”

“I could, but that one is mine and I have all my blood and stuff already organized in there, so as soon as you’re done, I want it back. Plus, the kids are using the other ones, and those are small and stuff.”

“You act like this is the only kidney in the house and you’ll just die if you don’t have it.”

“If you wanted to process waste out of your body this weekend, you should have remembered to bring your own kidneys. It’s sort of an important part of your life, you know.”

“I know, I know!  I just forgot, ok?”

“How do you remember your liver and your pancreas, but forget to pack your kidneys?”

“I was in a hurry and wanted to get packed. I forgot. Just let it go.”

“I can’t, you still have my kidney.”

“Oh JEEZ! Here. You happy now?”

“Yes, thank you, you can have it back when I’m done.”

Insert “computer” everywhere you see “kidney” and that’s pretty much how it goes when Peter and I have to share a laptop for the weekend.

****Updated to add:  Please pray for William, he has no more treatment options and his time is very short. His family asks that prayers be for a pain-free and peaceful passing for William.

I don’t know if I can really describe what yesterday was for me.
I cried…a lot.
I laughed…it was bittersweet.
I was filled with sorrow…the faces of children gone flashed in my heart.
I dripped with pride…seeing my daughter come around the corner to finish the walk and run into my arms.
I rejoiced…so many people, giving of themselves to cure this disease.
I hurt….knowing at next year’s event there will be even more pictures on the banner, new faces, some bearing the words “we love and miss you”.
I felt consumed by inspiration…I know that we will find the answers to life for these kids.

It was all of these things.

I can only leave you with a few pictures of our day (there are many more on Flickr, you can click over on the sidebar to see them), the faces say so much and tell the story much better than I can.

Baby Leonardo Astacio – Neuroblastoma

Hannah Douglas – Neuroblastoma

Presley Dickson – ALL Leukemia (Carepage name : PresleyD)

Mandy Willis – Optic Glioma

Peyton – ALL Leukema, CNS positive

Thank you so much, wonderful readers, for contributing to our team and helping us raise over $1000.

By random draw, the winner of the Cure Kids Cancer Challenge Contest is Beth from I Should Be Folding Laundry.  Thank you to each and everyone of you who donated, I wish I had a prize for each of you, but all I can give is my deepest gratitude.

You can read me here today:

Hi there!

How was the walk?  Great, more details and pictures forthcoming.

Me?  I’m still shuddering from THIS experience with the reptile encounter. Consider me encountered.

I’ll be back to post after I’m finished scrubbing myself until my skin comes off in sheets.