Hope4Peyton

If you can, eat a meal at Chili’s today! 100% of the sales goes to benefit St. Judes Children’s Hospital.

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I reposted the list from this post for my Sunday column spot at 5 Minutes For Special Needs this week.

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The airdate for my Oprah appearance (squeeeeee!) is October 1st, so don’t miss it on Wednesday! I DO mean don’t miss it, don’t get up to pee, don’t get up to get a tissue if you sneeze, don’t blink for too long…my spot is short…it will be over in a flash and then where will you be?! The theme is how moms get too busy, take on so much that they get completely overwhelmed and how easy it is to make a mistake that could end tragically. Oh me, Oprah? You think I’d have an opinion on that?  Yes, yes I do!

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If you have an extra minute, please head over and check out the contest I’m running with Tiny Prints!  Seriously, it’s a $50 gift certificate and with only 2 people participating, you stand a REALLY good chance of winning.  I’m not above begging and asking you all to check out the goods.

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My family and their over-inflated sense of entitlement nearly drove me over the edge tonight during a trip to Wal-mart.

“Can I have….”

“Will you get me….”

“Did you see….”

And THAT was just from Pete.

It took 4 or 5 explanations of the nearing Christmas giving season, how appropriate these items would be on their wishlists, how they’re getting nothing now if they expect to have anything under the tree, if they want to buy something with their own money they’d better start finding some pay-worthy jobs to do and get to them and ohmygodpleasepleasepleasestopaskingmetobuyyoustuffwejustcameformilk!

Peyton had to make one last attempt.  She pointed to something and made the request.

In my nice mommy voice I said,” You know what you need to do….”

Peyton gave a huge sigh, rolled her eyes and cut me off, “Yeah, I need to get a job.”

Well.  Not totally where I was going with that, but I can sure get behind it!

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Dear, ER,

I’m so sorry but this has to end. It’s just working out for me.  I just can’t take one more mediocre season of the “All About Abby” show and I think it would be better for both of us if we saw better shows.  I know, we’ve had a good run. It’s not you, it’s me. I’ve found someone new.  Joshua Jackson is on Fringe and, well, he makes my heart go pitty-patter.  Besides, with my deep commitments to Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy, Earl and House, well, frankly, I just don’t have the time for you anymore.

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The USF Ice Bulls fundraiser was a huge ball of fun!  It didn’t get quite the turnout they were hoping for, but we still had a blast. Peyton was in her glory in her new cheerleader outfit and thought going out on the ice to drop the first puck was the BEST.THING.EVER.  Nathaniel is still seething with envy, poor kid. He wanted to go out on the ice so bad he couldn’t stand it.

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I’ll leave you with these pictures of our weekend.

The mothership has landed.

And it brought my hubs home!!!

For those of you who might not know or understand why that’s a big deal, my hubs doesn’t live here.  He lives and works in Alabama.

“Really?”  You might say.

“Ayup.”  I’d answer.

“Why?” Might be your next question.

“Cause I likes me some paychecks and insurance…..plus Mama needs a new couch.”  I’d quip back.

“Why haven’t you moved up there with him?”

And I would show you this

And tell you about this.

I love this:

But, really? THIS is all that matters.

If you like hockey, raise your hand!

If you like USF, raise your hand!

If you think raising money to give to the families of kids with cancer is a good thing, raise your hands!

If anyone dropped their hands on that last one, be prepared, I’m coming for YOU!

If you’re local to the Tampa area and you’d like to come out and support some fantastic families, take a gander at this (yes, I said gander…I’m from Indiana, WHAT!?)

The USF Ice Bulls are going to be hosting the 3rd Annual Dropping Gloves Against Cancer night at the Brandon Ice Sports Forum.  Game starts at 7:30.  If you can come, please do. It’s going to be an awesome night and we really want to show as much support for these kids as we can.  This evening is benefiting 4 children very close to my heart:

Brooke Martin, who finished her Leukemia protocol and relapsed a month later. She is currently undergoing a relapse protocol of chemo, is waiting for full body radiation and will be having a cord blood transplant, as she could not find a bone marrow match.

Connor Hernandez, who was 3 years out of treatment for his Leukemia when it reared its ugly head again.  He is currently at 5 months straight in the hospital for all the horrific side effects the chemo has put him through.

Maddie Bridges, 3 years old and diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma.  Her mom is a single mom to Maddie and her sister Hailey and a dear sweet friend.  Maddie has finished her chemo and radiation, but her cancer has a high reoccurrence rate, so she will be followed closely from now on.

Sophie Parris is 2 years old, she was newly diagnosed with Leukemia in June of this year. Her family is stationed at McDill Air Force Base.  Sophie is still very new into her protocol but is doing well and is in current remission. Her family has a long two years to go before she is done.

Our family is not one of the benefiting families but Peyton will be starting off the night by dropping the puck onto the ice.  We were very honored and touched that the team wanted to use this event to help our family, but as we are so close to the end of treatment, we were able to bring some families in critical need to their attention.  I cannot explain how thrilled I am to see this group of college students with such huge hearts and generous spirits getting behind these families.

If you are not local but feel compelled to give to any one of these families, you can do so through a tax-deductible donation to the Children’s Cancer Center in honor of whichever (or all, by no means let me stop you from flooding them with donations) family you’d like to donate. The CCC  keeps an account available for every individual family to receive tax free donations that they can use for expenses.  When putting in your donation, be sure to put a specific name in the notes section that you’d like to donate for, or “USF ICE BULLS EVENT” and they can split any deduction for the families.

When something’s weighing heavy on your heart, do you have a sure-fire way of overcoming the funk that wants to drown you?  Avoid thinking about it?  Get so busy you don’t have time to obsess about it? Or do you just indulge in the funk, wallowing in it until you are neck-deep in the sheer funkiness of it all?

If I had to nail down my method of coping with the hardest things it would go something like this:

1.  Pray, often and truthfully
2.  Cry, it does me no good to hold it all in, it always finds a way out and usually worse than just crying in the first place
3.  Talk about it, whether it’s a phone call to purge to an understanding friend or just typing it out and letting some of it go
4.  Finding ways to lift myself up, concentrating on the positive, focusing on the blessings, seeking out the inspirational, sometimes I’m lucky enough that the good seeks me out.
5.  Pray some more

News of more children who lost the cancer battle came this week. The hurt is unfathomable.

A young man who’d been out of Leukemia treatment for 11 years went into the operating room this week, a shocking brain tumor.  More cancer? We don’t know yet.  Related to his initial treatment? No answers.  Does it matter?  I’m sure it doesn’t to him, to his mother and father, to all the ones who love him.

As Peyton moves closer and closer to the end of chemo, I can feel the anxiety building up.  Bizarre, huh? I should be leaping around in ridiculous joy….and I AM happy….but it’s hard to explain, I am filled with an outrageous fear as well.  When she was diagnosed we came to rely on the chemotherapy….as hated as it is, a poison in my baby’s body…it is our wall of defense against the disease.  The necessary evil, I suppose.  But we’re about to dismantle the wall.  We’re about to stand naked in the wind and all that will stand between the cancer and us is hope and prayer. Perhaps the wall was never real, the only thing defending us WAS the prayer and hope, but I needed the façade of the wall.

I’m scared.

I’m scared because I’ve seen the hated cancer creep back when the wall came down.

I’m scared because I know sometimes it comes running back immediately, sometimes it sneaks back years down the road.

I’m scared because I know if it returns, the beast is stronger and the wall weaker.

I wish I were one of those people who could just blithely believe that once it’s gone, it’s gone to stay. But I also think those people are lying to themselves that they’re not scared too.  Because once cancer has had its hand on you, there’s no forgetting it’s cold, chilling touch.

So I pray. For peace and strength, for comfort through the fear.  For wholehearted acceptance of the unknown.  I’m a work in progress on that one.

I see the good things that people are doing.

I soak in the generous love shared by many.

I rely on the affirmations that it can be gone.

I keep busy selfishly helping and encouraging others. Selfish how?  Selfish, because in the end it helps me and encourages me.

It’s been one of those rollercoaster weeks where I’m up and down so much the certainty of normal escapes me. My heart. It breaks and shatters until I worry that a day will come when there’ll be nothing left to heal.  Amazingly, there is and it does.  I think it heals a little stronger and more determined.

But today?  When Peyton woke up and said, “Mama, my tummy hurts, I don’t feel good, can I stay home?” I let her.  I jumped on any excuse. Today I just needed her home, close to me.

Is that sad?  I just needed to be near her….more than she needed to be with me.

I noticed him squatting by the entryway of the library.

I noticed his filthy clothes and his dirt-crusted skin.

I noticed the smell that tells me he hasn’t seen the wet side of a bar of soap in a very long time.

I noticed him noticing us…my children with their school uniforms and shiny smiles…the brightness of their youth and the warmth of their vitality.

I noticed his arm reach up as we drew closer.

I wondered if he would ask, if his hand would reach out.

I didn’t know what my answer would be.

Would I dig in my pocket?

Would I pretend I don’t see?

What message will my kids hear in my actions?

His arm reached further up.

His hand pushed the handicapped button and opened the door for us to enter.

He asked for nothing.

I mumbled a thank you, he nodded in return.

As I passed him, I looked down and noticed a cord stretching from his body.

Extending to a power outlet.

Charging his cell phone.

A cell phone?

He has a cell phone?

Who does he call?

Who waits to hear from him?

I wonder if he tells them about the people who look at him without making eye contact.

The ones like me.