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La La La, I can’t hear you!

Nathaniel – How did you sleep last night?

Me – Oh, pretty ok, except I got sick in the middle of the night (tremendously random 6 hour flu type sick) and then there was a really freaky dream…but other than that it was ok.

Nathaniel – What kind of dream?

Me – Oh, something funny, but not something you’d understand.

Nathaniel – Why not?

Me – Well, I dreamed we moved into the Playboy Mansion.

Nathaniel – Oh, I know what Playboy is.


thundering, pounding silence.

I will take this moment of utter silence to think fondly of the many Nathaniel moments, and he’s had his fair share, that make me want to reach in and yank out my womb for fear that any more like him would choose to take root…I can only handle so much.

Me – WHY do you know what Playboy is?

Nathaniel – It’s in that movie, ya know?

Me – (there might be a little screechiness in my voice…just a wee bit) WHAT move would THAT be?

Nathaniel (completely oblivious to the fact that my brains are boiling inside my skull….he’s a 10 yo boy, why would he care?) – You know, that one about the kid that gets left alone at home…Home Alone, that’s it.  His brother has one and he finds it and he looks at all the naked girls and says “gross” or something.  It’s a magazine with naked girls in it.

Me – Oh. Yes, it is, it’s totally gross and terrible and your eyes will burn out of your head if you read it and everyone will know that you looked at the nakedness by the horrible rash that will spread all over your body. *k, might just be making that last part up now, but I totally wanted to say it*

Nathaniel – Why would anyone want to look at naked girls?

Me – I have no idea, let’s just talk about something else now.”

Nathaniel – Ok. Hey, did you know that UnamedChild’s sister is having a baby?  She’s not even married yet!

again. silence.

Me – So, how about those naked girls?

10 Comments on “La La La, I can’t hear you!”

  1. #1 Courtney
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 7:37 am

    Children know instinctively how to say the most horrifying things. My son has a knack for knowing exactly the direction I do not want a conversation to go and GOING there.

  2. #2 Kyla
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 9:01 am

    Hahaha! You know you are getting in too deep if Playboy seems like a more solid conversation option.

  3. #3 AJ
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 9:13 am

    It seems like every generation loses their innocence a little sooner:(

    On top of that, my 2 year old is already a decided boob man. He’s gonna be trouble!

  4. #4 Ashley
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    It’s odd that you happened to post this today. This morning I stopped by my Mom’s house on my way to work. She said my Dad had checked the cookies on his computer recently and came across some “questionable” items. Apparently my soon-to-be-13-year-old-junior-high-student has discovered a few things on the internet. Just great! I’m SO NOT READY to deal with this right now!!!!

  5. #5 Karalyn
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    My Dear Sweet Anissa,
    It only gets worse.
    Do you know what a “Dirty Sanchez” is?
    My 12 year old does.

  6. #6 Dawn
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    Dearest Anissa,
    What I want to know is why you moved into the Playboy Mansion? And what happened?!!

  7. #7 Awesome Mom
    on Jan 20th, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Bwahah! I know soon enough i will have my own horrifying moments like that.

  8. #8 Niki a.k.a. Mommielicious
    on Jan 21st, 2009 at 9:08 am

    just wait until he starts spending over a half an hour in the shower and still comes out dirty – like my son….LOL

  9. #9 JD
    on Jan 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    I wanna know the rest of the details about the dream, woman!!! LOL

    And oh, I tell ya… the look on my face when my oldest son explained to me that he kept waking up on some mornings with a wet spot on his blankets… If it’s gotta do with the male anatomy, the questions are strictly deferred to DH — I.can’t.go.there.you.know.talk.about.STUFF.LIKE.THAT.


  10. #10 Amanda
    on Jan 23rd, 2009 at 3:10 am

    Anissa –

    I asked you on more than one occasion if four got any easier than three, and you pretty much laughed at me. HAHA. Julie’s been four for 20 days, and we’ve had two big changes.

    One, she now wakes up at the butt crack of dawn, and I am NOT a morning person. Since she was a tiny thing, she’s slept in. I thought I had the best baby ever …

    And now, well, boys kissing girls is gross. It just started, she wouldn’t let my brother kiss her when he was home on leave, and she won’t let my dad kiss her.

    About a week ago, I’m snuggled in bed and it’s COLD. It’s EARLY. I unplugged the alarm clock because Juliette started setting the alarm, and I was just tired of it going off all the darn time. But my darling little girl comes in to wake me up and says “Momma, is it ok if girl’s kiss other girl’s?” “HUH? What didya say?” “Is it ok when girls kiss other girls … or when boys kiss boys?”


    I’m very liberal, and well, I didn’t know how to answer that.

    So I asked her “Is it ok when girl’s kiss boy?” “Oh no Momma, that’s disgusting!”

    So, I did what any good single momma would do, at sunrise in the morning … “Wanna get some pancakes and bacon?”

    I just couldn’t imagine explaining to her how I feel and that you can kiss whomever you want, when you’re a LOT older … and having her explain that to a preschool class. Could you imagine that teacher/parent conversation? LOL.