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The one where I admit I have seriously bad mom moments.

**Which I may have already admitted on NATIONAL TV to Oprah (just in case you missed it), but let’s go for round two, ya’ll!**

I am a very loud person.

Let’s all take a moment so my mother can catch her breath from falling off her chair laughing (plus, if everyone could say a prayer for my mom because she was in a car accident as a pedestrian this week, a car wasn’t in park and rolled into her, pinning her leg against another vehicle…thank God nothing was broken, but her leg is very bruised, she suffered some nerve damage and is in pain…love you, Mom…don’t you feel bad you laughed?).

But my kids are so used the normal loudness of my voice that to get through to them it can sometimes take what others would consider maniacal screaming.  Other times, I do it just because I lose my mind.

Last night was that night.

Mind = LOST

Me as a parent? FAIL


I spent longer than should have been necessary wrangling the kids to clean up the living room and then to straighten up their bedrooms.  I had to repeat myself over and over and the kids were finding ANYTHING else to do but what I told them.

My frustration level was peaking.

It hit detonation point when Rachael walked into the living room and said these words:

“Mama, that bottle in your bathroom broke.”
It was a bottle full of bath salts.  Instead of cleaning up her room, she’d snuck off into the bathroom (wonder where she learned THAT technique, dear hubby) and was messing around with stuff that she shouldn’t have been.

A bottle of bath salts was the casualty.

I like to think that the broken bath salts alone wouldn’t have driven me over the edge into the bad bad place of darkness.  I think.

What did it….what made all the little cells in the frontal lobe of my brain fizzle and die on the spot was that she was holding up her skirt where she’d collected a bunch of the bath salts and had been dribbling them all over the house on her way to let me KNOW that she’d broken the bath salt bottle…that she wasn’t supposed to be playing with…when she should have been cleaning her room….which IS.NOT.IN.THE.BATHROOM!

Sharply, but not yet loudly, I said, “Why did you bring all that in here?”

She jumped.

Then she let go of her skirt.

Gravity did the rest.

Bath salts cascaded and scattered in a lovely smelling sea of little pink bits…from one end of the living room tile to the other.

I may permanently have a tic from what that did to my sanity.

People, I’m totally embarrassed to tell you that my ship sailed, my cookie crumbled, and I completely lost my sh*t.

I went all Mommy Dearest “No more bath salts!”…although, I didn’t actually BEAT her with the bath salts, I did get a little more Joan Crawford than I’d care to see happen again.

What were my other two kids doing while the fires of hell rained down on poor Rachael?

Well, Peyton was standing less than a foot away the entire lecture/rage, GRINNING from ear to ear, offering helpful advice like “Is she grounded, Mama?  She shouldn’t have any TV, you should make her go to bed early, are you going to ground her, do you want me to go get the Tabasco?”  She was having all together too much fun. She was like a spectator at the Roman Coliseum, screaming KILL KILL KILL!


Those were my exact words.  Next?


She’s no one’s dummy, she took off so fast she left skid marks on the floor.

Now, Nathaniel is going to make someone a very sweet husband one day.  Probably someone who has a bipolar disorder and needs that gentle-talk-me-off-a-ledge voice.  Because he was all, “Mom, do you need a hug?  Are you still mad?  Can I get you something?”

And me?




** sigh **


So, after the living room was spotless, the bedrooms cleaned and the bath salt mess was repaired…and more importantly, I had come back to my senses and realized what a phenomenal jerk of a mother I was…I spent the rest of the night apologizing.

Apologizing HARD.

I cuddled with Peyton, but also stressed that it isn’t nice to watch someone else get in trouble like it’s the afternoon matinee…no giggling allowed.

I got my much-needed (for both of us by this point) hug from Nathaniel and we talked about how mommy is crazy sometimes and I was so sorry for tearing off his head snapping at him when he was just trying to be helpful.

And Rachael.  My poor sweet Rachael that took such a verbal whipping from me for an accident.  The punishment so did not fit the crime and I hugged her close and I told her how sorry I was for losing my temper and yelling and being ugly.  She cried. I shriveled up a little inside because I know I can say “I’m sorry” as many times as my lifetime of breath will allow and I can’t make up for making her feel like making a mess was the end of the whole freaking world….and the earth ending? Her fault.

“Rachael, I am so sorry for yelling at you. Mommy should never lose her temper like that and get that loud at you.”

“It’s ok.” Sniff sniff….breaking my heart!

“No, it’s not. It’s not ok and Mommy doesn’t have the right to ever yell at you like that again. I’m sorry and I promise not to do it again. You have the right to tell me that I’m doing it again if I ever do, ok?”

“Should I tell on you if you do?”

WHOOAAA now, I didn’t go there, did I?

And just that easily, the shift of power is complete.

She owns me.

23 Comments on “The one where I admit I have seriously bad mom moments.”

  1. #1 chris
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 9:20 am

    I squirmed in my chair while reading this. I’ve been there.

    When my kids say, “It’s okay Mom,” like you, I say, “No it’s not.” I just ask them to forgive me. They always do.

    Forgive yourself too Mom.

  2. #2 always home and uncool
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 10:18 am

    I somehow think road rage is connected to the fact society tells us, as parents, it’s not good to just up and scream our heads off at our kids once in a while.

    always home and uncools last blog post..Serving Up Gin ‘N’ Juice with Manager Mom

  3. #3 All Adither
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 10:33 am

    We’ve all been way worse to our kids than they deserve. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s part of parenting, I think.

  4. #4 Ashley @ mrs007.net
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 10:41 am

    What you described has happened to me before. It’s the worst kind of mommy guilt.

    In your defense though, there is a point in the evening when it is time for children to be in bed. If it gets even one minute past that time and something really bad like the bath salts incident happens ,the brain doesn’t process it normally.

    Don’t beat yourself up too much about it. Your children are loved and they know it. No one is a perfect mother.

  5. #5 Nicole
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 11:09 am

    WOW! I can’t tell you how relieving it is to read that….that means I am NOT ALONE! I hate myself so much when that happens….and sorry can only do so much. Luckily we have others to lean on and share in our bad mommy moments as we stumble through uncharted waters! This is on the job training at its best!

    Nicoles last blog post..Yet ANOTHER Zoo trip!!!!

  6. #6 Heather
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am

    LOL! Something similar just happened to me the other day. The van door was frozen and wouldn’t open and my 16 year old decided to keep at it, until the whole door handle came off in his hand. He started laughing about it and my mouth took over before my brain could comprehend what I was saying. All the way to school I berated him about it. Ugh, I felt soooo guilty! So guilty, that I ended up getting him out of school early and took him out to eat.

    Heathers last blog post..Trumpets playing

  7. #7 Double Agent Girl
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    Sigh. I had a mini breakdown in the Aftermath’s arms last night for something much like this. Taylor’s going through a phase where she wants to be on my elbow ALL the time, and did I mention she’s a chatterbox and a little self-absorbed and I *may* have stubbed my toe seventeen times trying not to trip on her? I yelled. Fail. *sob*

    She, whimpering, “Sorry mommy. I just wanted to be next to you”. *SHATTER*

  8. #8 Holly at Tropic of Mom
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    “Do not talk to me while I’m yelling at your sister!” Hahaha! Classic. I lose it sometimes too. And I have only one kid.

    I think any future bath salts of yours will be safe for the rest of eternity.

    Holly at Tropic of Moms last blog post..International Peace Garden

  9. #9 Steph @ Problem Solvin Mom
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Your children learned (or were reminded) of a few important things,

    -that no one is perfect, even mommy
    -that their mother loves them dearly
    -that it’s ok to admit when you’re wrong, ask forgiveness and resolve to do better next time

    Those are great lessons, so don’t beat yourself up too much. I’m curious because I didn’t get to watch the episode, did you talk much to the other mothers who were on that show?

    Steph @ Problem Solvin Moms last blog post..Christmas Activity Garland

  10. #10 Lori
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 11:49 pm

    Hey Anissa,
    Guess what? You’re human–and the best part is, you’re also humane! You messed up but you didn’t leave it at that. You APOLOGIZED to your kids! The world would be a better place if there were more parents out there who could say “I was wrong” and especially the part where you told Rachael that she has the right to call you on it if you do it again. How empowering for a child to know that not only does she have the power to say something if she feels an adult is being unfair but that her parents will DO something about it!
    I had to laugh at the image of Peyton suggesting punishments though. Nothin like a little sibling rivalry/pay back lol.
    And sweet Nathaniel… maybe he has a career in the works as a diplomat? Or, as you suggested, someone who works with the um, emotionally fragile?
    Anyway, just wanted to say hello and I’m keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. #11 Karalyn
    on Oct 16th, 2008 at 11:59 pm

    Heard about the lack of comments. You are NOT a crap mom so stop it. Your kids heart you. We all have those days.

    On a lighter note…The Christmas Tree Shop just got a buttload of princess dresses in…check the mail Peyton…you will be stylin’.

  12. #12 Vic
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 2:52 am

    I think sometimes kids need to hear that what they’ve done has tipped you over the edge. It’s not good for them to think they can keep pushing and pushing and there’ll never be any consequences. Better that they learn now, in the safety of their own home, than out in the world against a 400lb 7ft monster of a man with anger management issues.

    Don’t beat yourself up honey, you’re doing the best you can, and it’s a learning curve for all of us, kids included.

  13. #13 Sammanthia
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 10:20 am

    THANK GOD! Here I thought I was the only one who has ever had to apologize to her kids for hollering at them when I’ frustrated about something else. I’ve done the same thing, felt awful, and promised them I trip to Disneyland if I ever did it again. This parenting gig is WAY harder than I thought.
    I knew I loved you, this just cinched it. Here’s hoping you have a better day… cheers.;)

    Sammanthias last blog post..All Kinds Of Awesome

  14. #14 Shawn
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 10:30 am


    Thank you for making me feel like I’m not the only Mommy failure out there!

    We all lose it from time to time because we are all human.

    Anyone that says they haven’t “lost-it” is lying!

    The important thing is you went to your children and asked for their forgiveness.

    Your mistake doesn’t lie in your actions…..your victory lies in the act of admitting and revealing your mistake and then asking for forgiveness.

  15. #15 Brandy
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am

    Just wondering what you do if you walked into your daughter’s room and all three of your children were taking turns filling a cup up with water and throwing it all over the carpet and walls? Did I mention it wasn’t even 6am when this started? I feel your pain everyday.

  16. #16 Jen W
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Been there- done that (more than once). Thanks for making me feel normal.

    Jen Ws last blog post..It’s a Twister

  17. #17 Lianne
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 12:47 pm

    OK, how do I say this without sounding all “I’m so much older than you and my kids are old too, so I know so much more…” (because I am old, yes, but I don’t know shit).

    I stopped yelling at my kids when they got older (like 15-16) and when it hit me that the stupid things they do as teenagers can get them killed and wow, they are really signing up for some GREAT learnings with all these decisions.

    And then I pray.

    A lot.

    And mostly just yell at myself.

    See, I don’t know shit.

    Liannes last blog post..Mail Key Saga… now with a great ending

  18. #18 Debbie
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Oh Anissa, here is a (((((HUG))))))! Like everyone else has said – we’ve all been there. For me, it was last night too. Good grief!

  19. #19 Jozet at Halushki
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    BTDT got the badge.

    Is it bad that I giggled at the telling, even though I’ve been there and cringed at myself the entire time?

    I maniac.

    Think of it this way: everyone needs an excuse to be an artist. Mom flipping out over bath salts may not make a very interesting book or punk song, but it’s something.

    I absolve you. Have a gin and tonic.

    Jozet at Halushkis last blog post..Would You Rather: The Stage Manager’s Version

  20. #20 Melisa
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    I’ve been there a few times. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You made your peace with the kids and it’s over now. I think that’s just what happens when you run on a low simmer for a while: eventually it all bubbles over.

    You’re still a great mom. 🙂 XOXO

    Melisas last blog post.."Whatever, Martha!" Brings The Funny

  21. #21 Chris Hartsfield
    on Oct 17th, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Oh… lets see I can relate and even when the voice in my head says enough.. I have been known to keep going..I always wonder what the neighbors must think when I snap.. I forgive my kids in a moment and I think they feel the same way about us. They learn that everyone makes mistakes and how to say they are sorry.. Hope your migrane goes away and you have good weekend!

  22. #22 alayna
    on Oct 18th, 2008 at 12:46 am

    Been there, done that. Not proud of it either. When I pray I not only pray for patience, but also that my kids have selective memories – of only the good stuff! Hang in there – parenting is the toughest job there ever was or ever will be.

  23. #23 Mom Blogs at MomDot » Top 50 Mom Blogs of 2008 11-50
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