Hope4Peyton

Only the Grey’s Anatomy fans are going to get that title.

I found the most amazing discovery! At Chick Fil A, they now carry packets of Tabasco….travel size, put in your pocket, have some in your glove compartment, always have one in your purse packets of Tabasco! I don’t particularly like Tabasco, but most of you know that it is my weapon of choice when battling sassy mouths and lies. A couple of drops on the tongue will take care of any and all attitudes problems.

Now available in handy dandy travel packets! Joy!!!

Tuesday was clinic day for Peyton and her finger poke produced GREAT results. Her ANC was at 2000, her hemoglobin was 10.5 and her platelets were over 270K!! Best numbers in over a month now. She has color in her cheeks and lips and she is back to about 90%…she’s still a little fatigued, but overall a HUGE improvement.

Today was the last day of school for my kids!!! They piled into the van singing “Summer break, no school, summer break, so COOL!”

Ok, so Rogers and Hammerstein they’re not, but they were pretty thrilled with themselves and I’m so glad we are done and can just have some lazy fun now. We got home and I fed them dinner and shoved them all back in the van with a suitcase and we headed for Daytona! Spur of the moment, no big plans, just get in the car and go…which we can do because it’s “summer break, no school, summer break, so cool!” See? It’s catchy!

We’re here with my mom and dad who we don’t get to see often enough, between their schedules and ours, the visits are far too few. So, it’s nice to be here and letting the kids enjoy these grandparents too. They are very blessed to have so much grandparent love from both sides of the family.

Here we are, crashed out at Casa de Grandparents and have a couple of days to spend at the beach and with friends. We are heading back to Brandon on Saturday because I have evening plans with a group of cancer moms. We’re going out to dinner and then off to see the “Sex and the City” movie! Amazingly enough, there were no arguments from any of the husbands, wonder why?

This morning I had the chance to go up to the hospital and visit some friends who are inpatient. It’s so long and boring being stuck in the hospital and although it isn’t much, just a quick visit from a friendly face can make the day. I know that personally. Unfortunately, I have a lot of sweet friends who are stuck in some very emotionally and physically draining situations and I wish from the bottom of my heart that there was something I could do. But this is it, I pray and I visit and that’s all I got.

Jimmy Reichert needs our prayers. He was just about to leave St. Joseph’s hospital and head over to All Children’s for his bone marrow transplant when a CT scan showed a fungal infection in his lungs. No official word on the specific fungus, but the fear is that it is Aspergillis, a fungus that was involved in the many recent deaths of our young friends. He’s lucky in that they caught it very early, not even suspecting it might be there, but a pre-transplant CT showed it and they were able to start treating it quickly. His transplant is now on hold as they figure out the best way to deal with the infection. There are so many answers uncertain right now…surgery to remove the infection or no surgery….chemo plan for the interim while waiting for the infection solution…what’s most risky for him right now. Please pray for wisdom and guidance in the hearts and hands of these doctors who carry such a heavy burden of responsibility. Pray for Jimmy and his family, they have been apart for so long, unable to live in their home because of his prolonged hospital stays and they are feeling the strain of missing each other and just wanting to be together.

Connor Hernandez is in a very critical situation. He has Aspergillis as well, and it spread, causing them to have to have to remove his port. When I saw him this morning, he looked so sad and he broke my heart because he was on a vent from surgery and you could just see that he was miserable. Besides the Aspergillis, he has a severe infection in his arm that requires some action, what action is not decided yet, but pray for the right answers to come. He is struggling to breathe and requires oxygen when not on the vent and they are going to be deciding whether or not to leave him on a vent to give his lungs and heart some recuperation time. His mom told me very honestly that every change in his condition right now is for the worse and it is all going to be dependent on how much fight and strength Connor’s body has left.

I cannot tell you how hard it is to walk in there and see these kids…Jimmy, who was in such great spirits, full of laughter and life and sass…Conner, who is fighting with every bit of tired strength he still has…and to know how WRONG WRONG WRONG this all is. How the treatments are failing, when failure is not an option. Jimmy and Conner were diagnosed at the same time 6 years ago and relapsed within just weeks of each other, and they just found out another boy who was in treatment at the same with them has relapsed as well.

It’s discouraging and it’s hard to find the purpose in it all. It’s so difficult to turn to God and say, “I know this is part of your plan, but HOW can it be? How can it be the plan for these children, any child, my child, to suffer through this? What good is coming from THIS plan?” I can’t wait for the day that I am able to ask God that question face to face, and for Him to show me the purpose that is so far from my understanding right now. I know it’s there, I just wish it was obvious to me, so that I could not be frustrated and angry and scared and discouraged.

A friend and I were talking about how it all builds and builds and then comes out in these horrible ways and I admitted that I’ve had a reoccurring dream….a nightmare really. It’s not all the time, and although it leaves me shaken, I, in some way, feel better afterwards…almost like my sleeping mind allows me to voice the fears that my waking mind refuses to let come to the surface. I dream that I’m at the funeral of one of the sweet children who has passed in the recent weeks. I’m walking up to the casket, with it’s toys and memorial pictures and loving reminders of how they were treasured…and when I get up to the casket, I look down and it’s Peyton’s little face there. It’s awful. And I am afraid that it could happen to us. I’ve told myself over and over, it won’t happen to us, each child is different, you can’t compare one to another, it won’t happen to us. But I’m sure every family who has suffered this loss has said the same thing to themselves at some point. It won’t be us. It won’t be my child. It can’t happen.

I didn’t really intend this to be so depressing and maudlin….I’m sorry. I’m sure everyone who reads this should immediately run and have a drink and watch a rerun of Friends to perk themselves up. Some days it’s just easier to face the reality than others. Those days are generally the ones where I’m able to just give it to the Lord and humble myself to realize that it’s not in my power or my right to question how He gets it done. Days like today when I come away angry and frustrated at it all, when I rant and pray impatiently, are the days I don’t have the peace.

Tomorrow morning I’m taking the kids to eat breakfast on the pier that overlooks a beautiful stretch of beach. We’re going to throw bread to the seagulls and love the day. Tomorrow will be a much better day and then I’ll be ready to take it all on again.

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God
–Anissa

Our extended weekend was a whirlwind of activity interspersed with moment of complete slacksidasial (<= my own new word) non-activity.

Friday was a fantastic day with Rachael. Peter and I got to take mass amounts of cookies and juice in for her class and there is just something special about handing out sugar to first graders and then walking out to leave the teacher with these hopped up kids. Our work here is done! The evening was spent opening presents and eating at her favorite restaurant of all times, Chili’s. She was just fantastically the center of the day and loved every minute of it.

Saturday night Peter and I were treated to a date night, including dinner AND a movie! In the past 10 years Peter and I have made opening weekend on 4 movies…we are proud to add Indiana Jones to that esteemed list. It was ok, but it’s hard to enjoy an action flick where you’re constantly concerned that the hero is going to fall and break a hip and not be able to reach his medical alert alarm and let anyone know “I’ve fallen in a 4000 year old cave and I can’t get up!” Pete and I had a great time together though, we’re lucky like that, we enjoy each other’s company even when there’s not much thrilling going on. We make our own party!

Sunday we were treated to a phenomenal outing, one I would highly recommend for anyone who gets the chance. A friend watched Peyton so that we could take the two older kids and join Peter’s mom for the Broadway show “The Lion King”. It was flat out amazing, the kids were enthralled, the adults were equally impressed. We just loved it, the music was tremendous and the costumes were out of this world. Peyton would have loved the first hour of it and then been ready to hit the road, especially when the scenes got darker and scarier. I’m so grateful to my mother in law for offering us this chance to take the kids to such an incredible event, it’s something we’ll all remember for a long time.

Today Peter had to leave to head back to work, we were all so sad, it doesn’t seem to be getting easier. The nice thing is that we have the summer ahead and we have a lots of time to go up and spend with Daddy.

The kids have their last day of school on Wednesday, although Nathaniel will be continuing the school experience for a lot longer than most. He’s had what we’ll refer to as “A ROUGH WEEK”. Let’s see…

Monday – he got in trouble for failing to get work done at school (that he had all the time in the world to finish, and by his own admission he “forgot to finish it”) and then didn’t bring home the supplies he would need to do his homework.

Tuesday – Senator Rhonda Storms came in to talk to his class, and Nathaniel and his gang of merry men got in trouble for not paying attention and finding, when I’m positive, were much more amusing ways to spend that time.

Wednesday – He was involved in a….prepare yourself…a FOOD FIGHT! It wasn’t an Animal House type food fight, really more of a tossing of snack bars, but still…he got in trouble for a food fight.

Thursday – My future lawyer got in hot water because he and his food fight compadres had to eat their lunch in solitary. I don’t know if this was the brightest plan in the history of punishments…let’s take a group of kids who have way too much fun together, so much fun they are constantly getting in trouble and let’s sit them all at a table together…but that’s just my opinion. They were told to “eat their lunch and NOT speak!” Nathaniel got in trouble for using sign language to circumvent that order. Not speaking!

Friday – All I asked was that he didn’t burn down the school or hold up a liquor store and I would consider it a good day.

So, to this point, his punishments are:

1. He was grounded from all video games, to include but not limited to gaming systems, both stationary and handheld, computer games of all sorts, any gaming located at home, school, a friend’s house, the CCC, even the demos at Best Buy…he’s not even allowed to WATCH other people play, because he gets a lot of enjoyment out of that as well. In case you thnk that’s a bit overkill, please read #2.
2. He lost his IPod privileges, which was not as clearly defined….causing my future lawyer son to try to find a loophole…at dinner with his sisters and Grandma, he tried to pull one over on Grandma. Using the argument that he could listen to Peyton’s Ipod because it wasn’t HIS IPod, he came up against the brick wall that is “Let’s take that one up with your mother when she gets home”.
3. He was given 3 options for the food fight punishment…he chose to do homework over the summer. Every weekday, he has to complete a yet undecided amount of school work before he is allowed to do anything else. Homework all summer. You know the other two options were pretty bad for THAT to be his preference.

He only has 1 ½ days left of school for the year. I pray that he’s going to make it without a flogging or starting a gang riot. He’s such a 10 year old boy it’s ridiculous, pushing his boundaries and finding that his friends are more fun than anything school could offer. It’s hard to argue with that, because I remember the 4th grade, I remember all the good times I had with my friend, the sleepovers, the lunchtime laughs….I DO NOT, however, remember the capitals of the 50 states, I DO NOT remember all the counties of Indiana, and everything I know about the War of 1812 was learned on the History Channel in the past couple of years. But I’m crossing my fingers that he’ll be smarter than me and take advantage of his education and use that stellar brain of his to go along with his overdeveloped sense of humor and ability to logic his way out of most situations. Staying one step ahead of this kid is getting harder every day.

Tomorrow Peyton and I head to the clinic for her fingerpoke and counts. With the restart of chemo two weeks ago, I’m hoping her counts have stayed steady. She’s doing really well post-sickness. Every sore is gone, her energy is back up, she looks great and besides her hair still falling out…not as much and not as fast, but still definitely thinning…she is the picture of cancer health. She ate like a farmhand the week following her steroids, lots of eggs, broccoli and blueberry muffins. Her constipation issues are finally and totally a thing of the past! YEAH!!!! However, we have gone over to the opposite end of that spectrum, but that’s so much better than the pain she’s been in for almost a month.

Thursday the kids and I will be heading down to the Clear Channel radio studio to tape a “something” for the upcoming All Children’s Radio-telathon. Last year we did the Miracle Network telethon that ran on the tv, this year it’ll be via radio. I’m not sure exactly what we’ll be saying or how it’ll come about, but we were invited by Tammy, who was our personal chauffer for the Day of Pampering for the Fashion Funds the Cure show Peyton was a part of. She is a tremendous lady and when she found out we were an All Children’s family she immediately asked us if we’d come be a part of it. We love our hospital! We have always felt well taken care of, I have so much confidence in the team that leads Peyton’s care, and I feel blessed that we have this fantastic facility available to us. We know far too many people who spend months apart from their families to receive treatment and Peyton is able to get everything she needs here at the hands of some fabulous nurses and doctor that she adores.

Following that, I’m taking the kids on a road trip to Daytona to see my mom and dad and our friends, the Garcias (owners of the offending GIRL PANTS) for a couple of quick days.

It’s starting off to be a busy and fun summer, we are looking forward to some great trips north and a lot of fun locally. I wish we had the time and ability to do some big family vacation, but these days, just getting to be together is a treat.

We continue to ask for prayers for so many:

Jimmy Reichert,

Connor Hernandez,

Brooke Martin,

Justin Gaudineer,

Mandy Willis,

the Kesler family,

the Gliddon family,

the Gunn family,

the Potterbaum family 

the Deal familiy….so many in need of our faithful prayers.

f.r.o.G….fully relying on God
–Anissa

When I think of my Rachael, I always go back to our first impressions.

Rachael’s name was pretty much always set in stone. She’s named after one of each of our grandmothers, Rachael and Eve. Two very special women in our lives. Had Nathaniel been a girl, that’s what his name would’ve been. However, we weren’t blessed with our first girl until the second time around, SOoooo….it is what it is.

When Anissa was pregnant with Rachael, we’d talk to her. A lot. Nathaniel and I used to spend a lot of time talking to the belly. He and I would both say, “HELLLLOOOOOOO BABY SISTER!” and “HELLLLOOOOO RAY-RAY!” We did this so much that when Rachael was born, and I think it was her Grandma Dixie holding her, I said, “Hello baby sister” in the exact same inflection that I used every other time before she was born, and Rachael actually turned her head to finally see who it was that was saying that. Less than 30 minutes old, and she turned her head!

From that moment forward, I’ve always described her as an undeniable force of nature. Anissa was just glad the mini-Mia Hamm was on the outside and no longer taking penalty shots from the inside.

When she was around 2, she was still in a crib. There’s a picture of her in the crib down below. Rachael was laying down for a nap. At some point, she woke up, and being the headstrong little girl that she is, decided to climb out of the crib on her own. I’m not exactly sure how long it took her to get up into the position that she was in, but we heard this little, panicked voice yell, “Help! Help! I tuck!”

Anissa and I went into the room, and there was Rachael, straddling the crib railing, shifting her weight and holding on for dear life. On one side was a 3-4 foot drop to the floor. On the other side was a 1-2 foot drop into the crib. Both apparently looked a little too far for her liking and she decided to get help.

My Ray-Ray. An undeniable force of nature with an infectious smile, irresistable laugh, and an amazing personality…who on occasion bites off more than she can chew.

I found out that “What!??” moments are a genetic flaw within my family, one we are passing down to our children and probably leaving as a mark on the world.

I was driving to the middle school where Peyton and I would be involved in honoring a 7th grader named Jordan who raised over 1700$ for the Cure Kids Cancer Challenge last year. I glanced to a sign in front of one of the churches and I SWEAR for a moment I thought it said “Brazilian Wax Church”. I’m sort of reeling from that concept…I mean, that’s a pretty specialized congregation…do they check or go on the honor system….can you attend if it’s winter time and you’re just feeling lazy, but promise to do better come bathing suit season?? A second glance showed that it said “Brazilian Baptist Church”. I o think that the first option was a lot more interesting.

Once we arrived at the school we sat there and watched students come in, loud and too cool to even stand themselves. I had bypassed the front office and found the way to the auditorium and sat down to wait for the awards ceremony to begin. Waiting and waiting. Peyton was over this event before it even started….it was cold in the gym, the kids were too loud, the gym smelled funny (I really do have to agree with her on that one, there was some serious middle school funk going on in there!)…and someone from the school finally came over and spoke to us. We clarified that we were there to be a part of the special award presentations and the woman says to me….for REAL….”Oh! Are you with the Toshiba presentation?”

Toshiba. Yes, I work there part time after I get done at the nail salon. Toshiba! Yes, I’m here straight from the home office.

Really!

Beyond all that, this is my day to just be awed by the fact that my big girl is about to turn 7. She was the cuddliest and sweetest baby girl, I spent hours just looking at her, kissing her soft little head and being thankful for this daughter. It’s a weird thing when you’re adopted, you don’t realize how it’s going to hit you that you now have these people in your life that are yours by blood, a part of your body. When Nathaniel was born I was just blown away by the fact that I was related by blood to anyone. But when Rachael was born I would just stare at her and wonder “Did I look like her when I was born?” “Did my birth mother look at me in the same awe?” “Did she cry just because she was grateful to have a precious baby girl?” I won’t ever know, but I know that I was overwhelmed by how much I could love this child, how she totally possessed my heart.

I cannot possibly explain the joy that Rachael brings with her wherever she goes. She has a sparkle in her eye, her smile is just captivating and you can’t hear her laughing without wanting to join in. She is a blessing to have in our lives and we are privileged to be her parents. There are some days that are better than others, days I seriously wonder which of us will crack first, but I always love waiting to see what she will do next, hear what is going to come out of her mouth, and being blessed to have another day with her.

We love you, Rachael.

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God
–Anissa

Amazing things can happen when I am free of my children for a few hours. Today was Peyton’s first day back to school and although she was miserable at drop-off she was all smiles and told me “I had a GREAT day!” when I picked her up. She’s got a “get out of school free” card for tomorrow. She and I will be heading to Rogers Middle School to help in giving a big Thank You to a young lady who raised some big bucks for the Cure Kids Cancer Challenge for the Pediatric Cancer Foundation last year. I guess for all the crappy stuff I have to see, the loss and the grief, there can be some really tremendous events too. Watching a middle school student get behind the cause of raising money for pediatric cancer research is one of those things. I just feel in my heart that if we can raise awareness in these kids, they are going to grow into the adults that make the difference in the future of childhood cancer.

Today I ran a million errands, getting things accomplished and being able to enjoy a few moments of silence. I completed one list item after another at the speed of childless! It was awesome. I got some fun time to birthday shop for Rachael, planning to give her a great mommy and me mall day…she lives for the mall! There will oodles and gaggles of other girly stuff, and I’m sure it’ll make Nathaniel gag a little bit, but I can’t wait to see her ear to ear grin. Peter’s heading home Thursday night for the long weekend and will be here to celebrate her big day!! Cookies for her classmates, presents, dinner out at her place of choice, and all the things that make a day all about you perfect. Between camps and summer chaos no plans have been made for her party yet, but I’ll work it out somehow.

Can I tell you that I went for a mani-pedi today…sheer unadulterated lazing around. I’m sitting there, looking around and realizing that I’m the only Asian person in a seat that’s not in FRONT of a tub of water. Oh the stereotypes are sooo based on a kernel of reality.

f.r.o.G.
–Anissa