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Why shovels will never replace picture frames as housewarming gifts

“So, what do you think about me digging a hole in the backyard?”

A single look from me apparently left scorch marks on my husband’s forehead.

“WHY? Why would you dig a hole in the backyard?”

“I was thinking I could build a hot tub!”


“Peter, you know…they have companies that do that…they call them HOT TUB COMPANIES {I know, you’re staggered by my mad arguing skills. SHUT it, I was tired, this was only day 2 in the house} and they do this thing called ‘building hot tubs.”

“Yeah, but I read on the internet blah blah blah and then I could make blah blah blah and then we would have blah blah blah and beer.”


“You know what? You should DO THAT!”

Peter gave me his “Have You Been Drinking Before Noon?” look.

“NO! I’m totally serious, you should absolutely start digging that hole, like, right now. I’ll go get you a shovel. AND THEN? I’m going to check online to buy some cows…I’ll raise them right here in the backyard…then kill them and skin them WITH.MY.OWN.TWO.HANDS. and sew that leather couch I’ve been wanting so bad.”

He smiles at me.

I smile back.

“So…you’re saying don’t dig the hole?”

“Don’t dig the hole.”

The great thing about our marriage is that a conversation like this might sound ludicrous to most people, but we have them on an almost daily basis around here.

We can laugh…that’s important, people!


The move-in process is going well.  We’ve made paths through the piles and stacks of crap so that we can at least pretend to have a normal life. We finally get some TV hooked up on Saturday….not that I haven’t fully enjoyed daily doses of “Beauty and the Beast”.  Thanks for hanging in there with me, I SWEAR I’ll be back to blogging about not-move stuff soon. Soon-ish, anyways.  Soonesque?


And I wrote about something over here that nearly made my head fall off in shock and anger and so, of course, I had a bit of a rant about it.

11 Comments on “Why shovels will never replace picture frames as housewarming gifts”

  1. #1 Karen
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 8:16 am

    You know… men just don’t always think the whole process through. As captured with the “blah blah blah BEER!”

    I overheard this at the fabric store on the weekend:

    Man: Hey look honey, they have outdoor fabric here. You know those cushions you want for our patio set that are $40 a piece? This would be way cheaper! You could make them instead!


    Man: No really, I think it’s a good idea.

    I never did hear the wife say anything. Maybe she fainted. What the hell was she thinking bringing him with her in the first place? I mean really?

    Karens last blog post..Baby Steps

  2. #2 Julianna
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Sweet. I heart tanning the cow leather to make a couch. Perfect.

    Juliannas last blog post..Sometime I Cry

  3. #3 Sarcastica
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 9:42 am

    It took me a long time to find your comment button because I’m tired and slow on the uptake lol, but I found it! And forgot the awesome comment I had in mind too, oh well.

    I think it was something along the lines of I loved that argument because it made me giggle 😉 that’s something my fiance would do; dig a hole for a hot tub because he wouldn’t want to pay all that money to put one in. Hehe

  4. #4 LeSombre
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 9:47 am

    We have those conversations in my house, except it’s LovelyWife who wants me to dig the hole, and it’s me that says “You should totally do that”.

    In fact we have codes in our conversations. For example, we both know that if one of us says “I’m not saying no” it really means “Woman, are you f*ckin’ mad?”.

    – Hey hubby, do you think you should dig a hole and built an in-ground pool in the backyard? I found a pool kit online for 18K.
    – I’m not saying no.

    We both laugh.

    LeSombres last blog post..It’s All Been Done

  5. #5 AmazingGreis
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Will you be offering any classes on the whole cow slaughtering/skinning to make couches?

    I need new furniture and may need to learn this art, as the economy is not allowing me new furniture right now. 🙂

    Glad the move is going well.

    AmazingGreiss last blog post..Chicago or BUST…

  6. #6 OMG Lets BBQ » Why shovels will never replace picture frames as housewarming gifts
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 11:58 am

    […] here:  Why shovels will never replace picture frames as housewarming gifts Categories: Beer, Object tags: construction, deep-south-moms, hope4peyton, […]

  7. #7 Jennifer
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    What you REALLY need are goats….they are the total multi-purpose animal…you can get:

    lawn care and shrub maintanence and fertilizer,

    MILK —
    that can be drank, made into cheese, yougurt, ice cream, butter…..AND MOST IMPORTANT…FUDGE!

    you can also use it to make lotion, soap, body oil and shaving cream (which Pete could use on his head).

    then there’s the meat, YUM YUM

    and when you’re all done eating it….THEN make your couch with it’s hide.

    And now that you’re living in Georgia….you can use the skull and horns to decorate your house…..you can start making those chandeliers they sell in all the outdoorsy catalogs…

    You could become an enterprise….God’s Greatest Goat Gifts, Groceries & Gear

  8. #8 rachel-asouthernfairytale
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    You and Peter.. sound eerily similar to Nathan and I.
    We would TOTALLY have a conversation just like that ;-0

    glad it’s going well.

    <3 you.

    rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..As The Tide Turns

  9. #9 tena
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    bless you- I’d rather stick hot pokers in my eyes while being forced to watch the Hills than move EVER again- that’s right, I don’t like the Hills!

    tenas last blog post..BlogHer Anxieties- Part One- I’m sure there will be a sequel!

  10. #10 Miss Grace
    on Jun 18th, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    So. Does that mean you’re getting a hot tub?

  11. #11 Issa
    on Jun 20th, 2009 at 11:31 am

    I am laughing my ass off. Mostly because I so easily could have had this conversation.

    But hellz yeah, you need a hot tub. Although a um real one. Snort.