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I traded in my HAWT for stow-and-go seating

This weekend I had a soul-shattering, earth-rattling, ego-smashing moment of gagtastic midlife epiphany.

It doesn’t matter

  • how good a hair-day you’re having
  • how well-applied your makeup is
  • how pretty you may be feeling
  • how good you know you smell
  • how snazzy you feel in your no-kids-around outfit
  • how LOUD you blare your inappropriate music
  • if you DON’T actually have any kids with you

You ARE, in fact, STILL driving a minivan.

It’s just never the same, ladies.

29 Comments on “I traded in my HAWT for stow-and-go seating”

  1. #1 Jessica
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    Oh how I know it. For the first week I drove our minivan, I felt like the biggest, sloppiest, UNHOTTEST mom ever. EVER.


  2. #2 bad parent
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 4:12 pm

    This is hilarious!

    I’m trying to think of other items that are exactly like this: Fannypacks?

    bad parents last blog post..Rule #42: Teach Your Son Slang for His Wang

  3. #3 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    And THIS? Is how my midlife crisis will begin…bring on the college age boys!

  4. #4 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    Bring unable to carry a cute little clutch purse because you have to carry your entire existence in it??

  5. #5 Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    I guess what helps me is that I came from a big family and grew up driving my mom’s minivan in highschool while my car was in the shop. I loved that thing. We would cram as many people in it as we could and head off the the buck fifty theatre in the next town over.

    The other fact that helps me with the driving of the van is that it is probably the nicest thing I have driven in a long time.

    P.S. I see thru your van to your hawtness. (gosh that sounds kinda stalkeresque. But that’s okay, cuz I know you still love me)

    Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Helping bearded ladies one post at a time…

  6. #6 Elizabeth (M & Ts Babbling Mama)
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    oh you poor poor dear… ::tips sippy cup to pour out milk for my homie:: (oh wait that doesn’t work anymore those things are too well made) ::snickering:: I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make the blundge, I’m an SUV mama. I just can’t bring myself to walk on the mi..mi..ugh…that lot. lol. {I love messin with you}

    okay I’m done now. ::sigh:: you seriously ALWAYS make me laugh. Thanks REALLY! U seem like the ONLY sane person out there besides me. (says the mom in the nice white jacket in the semi padded room)

    Oh did you read my comment on facebook this morning? About the HUGE remote? ughhh hugh! What if we could have super powers and invent a car “shield” for you? no good? ok. I’ve been with kids…I’m in pretend land. I tried. :-*

    Elizabeth (M & Ts Babbling Mama)s last blog post..My Dads Progress…

  7. #7 Karalyn
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    …and that my friend is why I drive an SUV.

    Karalyns last blog post..Did You Just Say Meow?

  8. #8 John Hummel
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    A couple of years ago, Hummer had these horrible commercials about a guy working out in a gym. MANLY!

    Then, over the speakers, you could hear “To the person driving the minivan – your lights are on.” The focus of the camera was a Manly Man with his Hairy Chest and Rippling Biceps – who looked around in shame, not wanting to admit that the minivan was his.

    I remember looking at my wife. “Is there something I’m missing? I don’t feel any shame when I drive your minivan around. Does that mean I’m missing some manly big car gene?”

    My lovely wife cocked her head at me. “No,” she said. “You’re just so certain of your own manhood you don’t need a car to prop it up.”

    I think that was the week I got my wife her own laptop. Not that it had anything to do with her stroking my ego.


    John Hummels last blog post..2009-04-28 First Church of Christ Scientist Ruskin

  9. #9 always home and uncool
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    I love my minivan. Plenty of r oom for extra kegs and cheerleaders.

    always home and uncools last blog post..Spirits and the Material Girl

  10. #10 Linda
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    I total adore my mini-van. The nice thing is that to look at my van you would think I’m a Mom to a toddler and a newborn, when in fact I’m a grandma! My van is way more kid friendly than my daughter’s Grand Prix!

    Lindas last blog post..Lil Bit is Here – And He Is Beautiful

  11. #11 Jen W
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    LOL!!!! I feel ya! I know a minivan is super practical but I can’t bring myself to get one.

    Jen Ws last blog post..They don’t even know me at all.

  12. #12 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    You can stalk me anytime. XOXO

    I fought the minivan for so long, I drove a suburban forever. And I don’t mind it 99% of the time, love it for traveling.

    Just in THAT moment? so was not the sports car my heart wanted to be in. *sigh*

  13. #13 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    You are cracking me up!! Don’t taunt me and my mommymobile!

    I bit the bullet when my suburban was costing me $125 to fill the gas tank. THAT made me cry. Seriously.

    And although I know it’s the right vehicle for us, practical and totally comfy…my inner child still wants a Thunderbird and stamps its feet and throws a temper tantrum.

    BAD, inner child, BAD!

  14. #14 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    I am so flipping you off right now, i hope you can feel it.

  15. #15 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    YES!! I love that!

    Thank you, John, you rock.

  16. #16 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    Plus, the back seat lays down like a bed, right?? Your inner 18 yo is showing again.

  17. #17 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    It’s all about seeing yourself in the right light!

  18. #18 AnissaM
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    I know that my next vehicle will be back to an SUV…it’s a great vehicle, the nicest I’ve owned, but STILL! I cannot bring sexy back in that thing. I can’t even get sexy to text me back. I can’t get sexy to follow me on Twitter.

  19. #19 Janna
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    I had a friend who said almost this exact thing a few years ago! It cracked me up then and now. Now, however, it’s a little too close to home! I have resisted the minivan/crossing over to the darkside for a long time now. My time is almost up as I will be the proud owner of a minivan later this year or next. *sigh* It’s not like I was cool to begin with…

    Jannas last blog post..Gambling, a.k.a. NCAA Brackets

  20. #20 Dana
    on Apr 6th, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    I WANTED a minivan – hello, I have four kids! As it worked out, it was somehow cheaper to buy the expedition, which I hate. Plus, hubby’s job pays for our gas so I couldn’t use that to bargain for my minivan.

    I hate that my kids have to fold down seats to get into the back instead of just walking around like your kids.

    Plus, a minivan says you’re fertile and willing to have had sex enough to have a van full of kids.

    Danas last blog post..Cannot Believe I Forgot!

  21. #21 JD
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Love John’s comment! Alas, Dana’s comment about having enough sex to fill up a mini-van isn’t so true over here these days… *sigh*

    Personally, I love the minivan. With three kids, their friends, or with DH’s band gear, it’s practical. I’m all about practical. It’s more important to me than the whole “hot” thing. Find me a practical man, and I might just think he’s hot, but probably somewhat of an illusion… like a mirage on a hot surface?! Otherwise, hot isn’t that big of a seller for me. Unless by “hot”, you mean our move to California… now that, I’m willing to get excited about!

  22. #22 jjust mom
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 7:52 am


    Yeah, my HAWT days are so over. No matter how hard I tried and how tightly I squished ’em in, I just couldn’t get all five kids to fit in a two-seater.

    On a side-but-similar note. . . re: the little chat you had not long ago with Nathaniel and how he is sooooo not ever getting the van? Yeah, we just had a very similar conversation with our eldest about that very thing a couple days ago. She said something about when she’s old enough to drive and the following conversation ensued:

    Dad: (pointing toward his beater sedan) Yeah, when you get your license, that’s what you get to drive.
    Lil’un: Hunh-UNH!!! I’m gonna get to drive the van!
    Dad: Oh no you’re not! You’re not going to be toting everyone under the sun around. . . unless you charge $5 a head.
    Lil’un: Five dollars? (scoffs) I’m chargin’ ’em $50!
    Dad: Well, in that case. . .

    Oh yeah. Lil’un? SHE’S EIGHT! Aaah, gotta love the entrepreneurial spirit, eh?

  23. #23 just mom
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 7:54 am

    Oh doodie! I just noticed I stuttered when I typed my name up there. What a way to start the morning! *sigh again*

  24. #24 Mandy
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 9:03 am

    And this is what made me trade my minivan for a Titan :-)~~
    Still nothing like rockin out in a truck that is bigger than the guys truck next to you…and it’ Tennessee – they are ALL in a truck.

    And No, the WHOLE soccer team doesn’t fit, but I can still fit an absurd number of teenage boys in it…and they think it’s cool too 🙂


  25. #25 Kyla
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    I know, right?! I’m only 25 and am driving the minivan. Though, I look pretty young, so sometimes I wonder if people think I’m taking a drive in my mom’s car. Heh.

  26. #26 Amo
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    I’m still holding out on the minivan move. I have a Volvo suv right now and have slowly realized that I am officially a yuppie.


    Amos last blog post..Communicable diseases are best when shared, right?!

  27. #27 Normal to Natalie
    on Apr 7th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    you need to listen to the song called Dad Song by the band Go Fish! it is way too funny and just what you are saying.

    Normal to Natalies last blog post..Name Gallery

  28. #28 MazingAmy
    on Apr 8th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
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    on Jun 4th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

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