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Friends….when is enough ENOUGH?

Before I get into this too much, let it be known that I am an incredibly social person….in REAL LIFE TOO.

I’m not one of those online entities that rolls up into a little ball upon face-to-face interaction…I actually like people.  I have friends!

In fact, this is the year that my very best friend and I will offically have been friends longer than we haven’t….did that make sense? We’ve known each other longer than we haven’t in our total lifespan.

I have friends from three high schools I attended…middle school even!…friends from my single-wild-and-crazy days…most of my ex-roommates…even a few ex-boyfriends…I have mommy-friends AND daddy-friends…friends from the cancer world…I’m almost a better friend to Peter’s friends than HE is…blogger friends…I have LOTS of freaking friends! <—dude. ego much?

But the whole point of expressing how well-adjusted *snort* I am is to say this:

I have this strange non-urgency about making any more friends here in teh GEORGIA.

Ten years ago Peter and I and a wee bebe Nathaniel picked up our meager possessions and moved cross country from Florida to Colorado.  It was traumatic.  We had one car (that Pete took off to work every day), a tiny apartment (that he seemingly never came home to because he was off enjoying his new job where they had grown-up conversations and played foozeball tournaments on Fridays) and a new baby (who was staggeringly cute, but not so much a great conversationalist at that point).

There may or may not have been some curling-up-on-the-closet-floor type weeping bouts…followed by those wonderful, loving conversations that involve the words “I” “hate” and “you” and the gnashing of teeth and rending of clothes.

I was desperate.

Desperate for people to talk to, women to connect with, someone to be a friend to me.

And I met a group of the ugliest, mean-spirited, back-stabbing gaggle of  wretches to climb out of the rotting crypt of girlfriendhood and waved my arms and screamed “OOOH MEEE!!! Pick MEEEE!!!”

It took a few months before I backed off and gave them the stink eye, letting them know in no uncertain terms that I thought they were totally and utterly C.R.A.Z.Y.  Which I might have said in THOSE exact words, directly to their faces.

Did I mention these were all the wives of the guys Pete worked with?

Yeah. Good times. Corporate Wife FAIL.

They made me appreciate the art of not having to have someone in your back pocket all the time.

I’ve made tons of acquaintances over the years, people who I enjoyed for the time we were together…but I’ve made some tremendous friends that I’ll hold onto forever….friends that are like the Louises to my Thelma, Ethels to my Lucy, the Daytime Emmy Awards to my Susan Lucci and my own personal brand of Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Sisters of my heart.

And thanks to the wonderful world of the interwebs, I have them….all day, every day, five thousand times a day in forty-nine flavors! Calls, texts, emails, IM’s, Skype, Google Groups, twitter, facebook, carrier-freaking-pigeons…I am NEVER alone.

I like it.

I’m good with the fact that I don’t have to see my people all the time for them to still be my best people.

So, it’s been three weeks here and I haven’t even tried to make more than mildly pleasant small talk with anyone I’ve met.  I barely make eye contact with the kid who hands me my Starbucks…I just can’t…it would feel too much like I’m cheating on Jim back at the Brandon Starbucks…I MISS YOU, JIM!

And I wonder if when I start meeting people I’ll even be interested in taking the time to get to know anyone.  Will it feel worth it to start weeding through to those particular people I’ll actually connect with?  I don’t even feel like I have the time, energy or motivation to go through another Colorado fiasco. Am I officially just too damn lazy to make friends? Or is there a point where your dance card is full and it’s OK to feel complete in the ones you have?


Oh, and on a totally different note, I’m also over at Deep South Moms today, irconically enough, writing about my newbie expectations of BlogHer09 and how I’ll be meeting lots of new people.

11 Comments on “Friends….when is enough ENOUGH?”

  1. #1 Paul D. Carlucci
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 6:59 am

    You left out how the car had salvage title from being totaled out and this funny lean that said the rear suspension was about to rip through the trunk. Shudder…

  2. #2 Amo
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 7:04 am

    I just moved away from the only place I’ve called home. We’ve been here 7 months and I’ve become a friend whore. I swear, I will walk up to perfect strangers and in five minutes they even know my blood type. It’s embarrassing.

    However, I have two girls in my hood who I am totally fond of and count as a true friend.

    There’s also one who’s completely nucking futs; so I guess there’s always a few of those around, huh?

    Amos last blog post..Jack of all trades…seriously, who am I kidding?

  3. #3 Elinor
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 9:02 am

    You really need to befriend women in your area. You never know when you might need someone.

  4. #4 IzzyMom
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 9:24 am

    I have no desire to make more IRL friends. Everyone moves away. Why bother? My internet friends, as you pointed out, are always around and far more pleasant and amusing than most of the stick-in-butt women around here (you know the type).

    After concluding Peyton’s cancer treatments (HUGE!), househunting and then moving, I’m not surprised you’re shying away from friendmaking. Making friends takes time, energy and commitment and right now, you need time to exhale and get your bearings. Roll with it.

    IzzyMoms last blog post..Mean Girls Suck

  5. #5 Peter Mayhew
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 10:38 am

    that car was a rock!

    Peter Mayhews last blog post..Friends….when is enough ENOUGH?

  6. #6 Heidi
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    You know, I am dealing with similar emotions with a slightly different set-up – and I’ve been wondering if it’s healthy or not. Still not sure, but it sure is good to see that this expected desire to cleave right away doesn’t settle well with everyone all the time.

    My best friend of 32 years passed away a little over a year ago. She was my one true local connection while all of the others live elsewhere. While I get lonely at times, I guess I’m just not ready to charge ahead into the potential drama of new, budding relationships.

    The time will come, I’m sure…

    Heidis last blog post..July 13, 2008

  7. #7 Cathy
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    TOTALLY understand. You’ve had just more than your share on your plate. But if/when you want to meet up with someone local, feel free to give me a call (breeder of Mandy’s Poodle) I’m just down the road.

  8. #8 Sandi
    on Jul 3rd, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Phew for a second I thought I was one of those wives of Pete’s co workers you know the wenches? Until I figured out you were talking about CO not FL. Girl. I miss you , I love you, when people find out your address they will be at your door. you made Tampa worth living in for me. I will never forget our times together and Nathaniel swimming in the pool. You are undoubtably one of those people that leaves a mark on somone sort of like moms hand when you back talk her but in a good way… I am so thankful for the internet and all the ways to stay connected and I guess that my new assignment to the couch is allowing me to learn more and spend time reconnecting. So there is a silver lining in every cloud. It’s a long drive but if you need me I shall be there, having Lloyd work on star trek transmitter to speed things up. Love ya. Enjoy the conference.

  9. #9 Assertagirl
    on Jul 4th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    I’m not one of those women who says bubbly things like, “You can always use more friends!” If you’re feeling complete, then that’s a pretty awesome thing, too.

    Sigh. Now I feel like I should go outside and say hi to my neighbours. See? I don’t even follow my own advice.

  10. #10 Adventures In Babywearing
    on Jul 4th, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    I know just what you mean. I’ve got friends still super close from KINDERGARTEN. I’ve got BFFs from the interwebs. I’ve got them all over. And if I were to move, I might feel the same way. I often wonder this very thing… when is enough enough?


    Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Boom Boom Pow

  11. #11 Amy @ Atlanta with Kid
    on Jul 7th, 2009 at 1:15 am

    I can relate since we moved 3 years ago from FL and I think I can count on one hand new friends we made in GA. We know a lot of people – neighbors, our children’s parents, people at work but not as many friends – the one you can call when you need help or the one you can just pick up the phone and start bitching about your day with.. It was exhausting to try to go to a gathering and put up a smiley face and start the small talk. After a while, I just gave up and feel content with my handful of single digit friends here. I’m sure you will find new friends again. Sometimes, God just puts people in your life in the most unexpected way. So you never know.

    Amy @ Atlanta with Kids last blog post..Coca Cola Film Festival at the Fox Theatre