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Silence is golden but duct tape is silver

Yesterday morning there were construction guys blocking the entrance to the school. They were putting down some sort of markers for whatever project they were undertaking and Nathaniel was watching most intently.

“What are they doing there, mom?”

“Putting something in the street.”

“I hope they’re not land mines!”

Because the most common source of our suburban decay in Brandon is land mines. That and too many Smoothie Kings.

Nathaniel’s had a phenomenal run of “WHAT??!!” moments lately.

My dearest friend came to visit some weeks back with her 3 daughter and they always leave chaos in their wake, but this time they left more than that. Nathaniel came out of his room last week and I couldn’t figure out what looked wrong about him…but something definitely was.

Then it dawned on me… his jeans were flare-legged, trimmed in frill and the pockets had cute little zippers on them…plus they made his butt look nice and trim. My son was wearing GIRL PANTS! When I told him that they were GIRL PANTS he got the most stricken look of panic on his face and came darn close to just gnawing his legs off at the knees in an attempt to get the pants off as fast as he could. It probably didn’t help that I teased him that his boy bits were going to shrivel up and fall off if he stayed in the GIRL PANTS too long. I know, I know, wrong wrong, but still a very funny moment….Peter didn’t appreciate it either.

Now, for the past two weeks, before he gets dressed he comes out and asks, “Are these GIRL PANTS?” In the same tone I would ask, “Is this sandwich made of asbestos?” Son you been wearing those same pants for a year now!! Recognize your own clothes, please. He is such a boy. Forget about whether his clothes match, he’s just worried that they’re gender specific.

Then this morning he asked a truly profound question, “How do ugly people have babies?”

Really? I think that’s something we all ask every now and then.

“The same way as everyone else, Nathaniel, it’s not a genetic deformity.”

“Well, what I meant was why.” Oh yes, sit on your perch with the beautiful people, boy.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has someone who thinks they’re beautiful and sometimes it’s more about what’s inside than what’s on the outside.” I’m reduced to answering in clichés.

“Ok, I get it.”

Then I had to push my luck, I should have just let it go. Let it GO!

I said, “Your dad thinks I’m beautiful and that’s how we got you.”

Rachael pipes up from the back, “But Daddy wears glasses.”


So, how does this sound?

For sale: One 6 year old girl, cute but mouthy. Comes with clothing, accessories, and crippling observations of the world. All offers accepted and will sell to best offer.

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God

9 Comments on “Silence is golden but duct tape is silver”

  1. #1 Grandma Pat Mayhew
    on May 20th, 2008 at 3:04 pm

    Someday You Too will where glasses, Rachael. If you live so long, you will need bifocals!
    Vanity, vanity, thy name is Woman!
    Have a Great Day, or at least a funny one!
    Grandma Pat

  2. #2 misty
    on May 20th, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    that is hilarious!! 680681

  3. #3 Jennifer
    on May 20th, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Oh my gosh! (gasp for air) Oh my gosh! (gasp for air) My stomach hurts I'm laughing so hard!!!!!

  4. #4 Ami Czorapinski
    on May 20th, 2008 at 6:32 pm

    I am sitting in the hospital on day 1 of my son getting chemo for relasped leukemia and you can still make me laugh out loud! Keep it up!

  5. #5 Patti Albritton
    on May 20th, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    What does the bidding start at for Rachel? LOL. You're kids definitely get their humor from the both of you. Daddy having glasses is supposed to be a good thing…….he has glasses so there's no chance he didn't know you were beautiful.
    I'm still laughing. Thank you!

  6. #6 Dawn
    on May 21st, 2008 at 2:37 am

    Actually, for this one I'd sell her too! Sorry Rachel, you just gotta go!!!

    Well….. maybe Mum should keep you – just for the lippy comments that make us smile all day! More please!

  7. #7 Shelley
    on May 21st, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    I'll take her! Maybe we can swap. Spencer for Rachel?? I like Rachel. Appreciate her.

    Speaking of, now all of a sudden I'm seeing HORSE stuff everywhere and thinking of your little darling. Weird, because I am not a 'horse' person. Never went through that phase. But it's in my face everywhere I go, let me know if you're looking for something.

    Oh, and I love the new blog you sent us to! Thank you. I have come to some other pretty sarcastic mom sites lately, I'll have to let you know.

    I have so much more to write. Will you give me a call whenever you get a chance?? I haven't even touched on your whole cheetah 'letting the beast out' thing Saturday night. And I'd love to hear more about Holly, ha ha.

    Nathaniel and Carter remind me so much of each other….I could see Carter doing the exact same thing. I think Carter will ALWAYS be this way. I'm not quite sure if it will serve him any good purpose one day.

    And I GOT you something!!! There, maybe that will get you to give me a ring. Picked something up that caught my eye. No, sorry, not fuzzy dice to hang on the mirror in your new van…ha ha.


  8. #8 Marie
    on May 21st, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    And to think I felt sorry for her when she was the only one without an Ipod…*shakes head*

  9. #9 Amy Nasworthy
    on May 22nd, 2008 at 7:17 am

    Your kids crack me up!! I love all the silly stuff kids say and do. Luke is 8 and he's always got something on that is backwards, inside-out or just doesn't match. He will go to school like that too and not even care. He's also always talked us into getting shoes with velcro. We figured out why when his Aunt Kelly bought him shoes that tie. So this weekend Daddy will tech him how to tie them.