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Field trip Friday

**I’m over here today too, being shamelessly sassy and complaining about my husband’s ability to make me LIKE things.

Nathaniel has a field trip this Friday and we’re both looking forward to it.

This is the first field trip in 2 years that I’m committed to chaperoning AND I think I’ll actually be able to go.

There have been so many times when he needed me, or just wanted me, and I couldn’t be there.  It truly and monumentally sucked to watch him stiffen those big boy shoulders and accept that once again HIS mom wouldn’t be there for the class party or driving to the field trip.

I wanted to.

As much as I ever want to hang out with fifty 10 year-olds.

I wanted to for him.

I wanted him to look at me and know that I cared enough to drop everything and dedicate that day to him.  I wanted him to know that at that moment there was nothing more important to me than being there with him.

Time and time again I had to tell him that he wasn’t the most important thing to me…even if that’s not what I meant, it wasn’t true, and there was little else I could do…I know he felt it to his core…my actions have spoken so much louder than my words in these situations.

Every day this week, sometimes several times a day, he would stop and ask me, “Mom, are you still going on my field trip on Friday?”

I have to answer him the only way I can, “I plan to, I’m sure going to try.”

We both know what that means.

I know that there is always the chance that I will have to disappoint him…again.

He knows that it wouldn’t be the first time Peyton woke up with a fever on a day that we had plans.

Friday, come hell or high water, I will be going on this field trip with my son.  This boy on the first stepping stones of manhood, in whom I’m starting to see the shadows of the laughing, thoughtful adult he’s going to become.

I want to laugh with him.

I will bask in the pride of who he is.

I can’t miss this.

It’s going by much too fast.

ps…just in case you missed them, I put up a whole load of new pictures on Flickr of our weekend at camp…and NO, none of them are of the potty escapade….I promise.

11 Comments on “Field trip Friday”

  1. #1 Normal to Natalie
    on Oct 8th, 2008 at 10:20 pm

    yeah! I hope you have a blast! I will pray that nothing gets in the way!!!

    Normal to Natalies last blog post..Soup #1

  2. #2 Heather
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 12:35 am

    I hope that everything will be just perfect for you on Friday!

    Heathers last blog post..My first Photo

  3. #3 Sammanthia
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 12:46 am

    He looks like such a sweetheart, and with you as his mom I’m sure he is.
    You haven’t let him down, you’ve taught him about courage, strength, compassion, and faith… he’ll remember that more than anything, and he’ll grow up to be a better person because of it.
    You’re an amazing mom.

    Sammanthias last blog post..Grey’s Anatomy: Part Deux

  4. #4 Tracy P
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 8:07 am

    You and Nathanial will have a great time-and he will remember it forever! You are an amazing mom and he know that.

    Tracy Ps last blog post..Vote for our High School-help!

  5. #5 Elinor
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 8:49 am

    I think of you and your family a lot and cannot imagine how tough it is for you when you have to put Peyton’s health on top of the list. My daughter is a single , divorced mom, who works full-time, and is very seldom able to go on field trips, etc. with my granddaughter, who is now in the 4th grade at Bevis. I know she feels the guilt, and I try to “fill in” for her, but I also know how much Lauren wants her mom to be there. Just remember, your inability to attend field trips, etc. is not because you don’t want to, but what you cannot do, you cannot do, and your children still feel your love and devotion.

  6. #6 lori astacio
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    Wishing you and Nathaniel the BEST day tomorrow. I know how guilty you must feel for the many days that you felt that Nathaniel and Rachel didn’t feel your love. Anissa, your children are so lucky to have you as their mother. The way that you devote your life to your children is so admirable.

    I am glad you get to spend the day with 50 ten year olds. Lucky You!

  7. #7 Ashley
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    I hope you get to go Friday….sounds like a lot of fun, and I’ve always loved the field trips. My oldest is in 7th grade this year, so they’re out for him…but my middle child starts Kindergarten next year! I’m ready for so many reasons!

    Mr. 7th-Grader is getting his butt grounded this afternoon for a bad grade on his report card, so we’ll be “bonding” strong for the next 6 weeks! 🙂

    Ashleys last blog post..We’re having another….brat!

  8. #8 Jen W
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    Aww, have fun! That’s so sweet that he keeps asking if you will go. My daughter acts like she doesn’t want me as a room mom for her school parties (at least I hope she’s acting!!!) 🙂

    Jen Ws last blog post..Another one of Jack’s odd eating habits

  9. #9 Sarah Clapp
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    The wonderful thing about blogging is that you have a written record of your thought and feelings that your children will be able to read and enjoy for years to come.

    Have fun on Friday! 🙂

    Sarah Clapps last blog post..Five Things!

  10. #10 Melissa
    on Oct 9th, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    Your a good mama! I hope that everything goes wonderfully! ;o)

    Melissas last blog post..Hot for the Holidays

  11. #11 Marie
    on Oct 10th, 2008 at 12:33 am

    That is SO sweet he actually wants his mom there, a lot of boys his age would rather put on a tutu and eat worms than have their mom along with all their friends. While it totally sucks you had to miss out on so much, all the times you couldn’t go might have taught Nathaniel to really appreciate when he CAN be with you and not take good ol’ mom for granted. And that’s not a bad thing.