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Chunky is NOT the new black

Monday.  Now with PAIN!

I got the new Jen Lancaster book “Such A Pretty Fat or Why Pie Is Not The Answer” and started cracking up before I’d finished the first full page.  Cause she is MADE of funny!  Go NOW, buy and read.  Not that she needs me to promo for her, but seriously, your life is lesser if you haven’t read her yet.

And then it was still funny, but then it stopped being so funny….because it was all about how she realized how her perception of her weight and how magnificent she was started to change because she decided to lose a hundred few pounds.

Which got me to thinking how I haven’t been in good shape since that brief fling with the YMCA between the births of Rachael and Peyton where I was a dedicated exerciser and worked out 4-5 times a week. But I got pregnant again, then I had that inconvenient stroke and then Peyton was diagnosed and I am an admitted comfort-bored-pointless-always eater.  I’m a nibbler. A snacker. A late night muncher.

It’s all bad.

And I now have more muffin-top than a Paneras show window.

Paneras cinnamon rolls…YUMMY

I officially weigh more than I ever have in my entire non-pregnant existance.  It sucks.

Do something about it, right?  I WILL!  I have that gym membership I talked about that I keep “forgetting” to cancel…when in reality, the reason I haven’t canceled it is more about the fact that they won’t let me do it over the phone, I have to go in person to cancel it and the last thing I need to see is some twinkle-toed Feel-The-Burn Barbie giving me the once over and saying, “Really? You think YOU should cancel your gym membership?”

Then the snickering would start and I’d have to leap over the counter (grossly overestimating both speed and agility on that one, folks) and punch her out and it would be too close to exercise and she would have won.

They would probably charge me for personal training time as well.

Then to top it all off, I got a half hour lecture about motivating myself to work out over a plate stacked with bagels and cream cheese.

Cream cheese….nom nom nom

From someone who looks fantastic, while crammed between two people who are all jutting hip bones and hollowed cheeks…lucky for them, I was a sweet, fluffy buffer between them so their defined collar bones didn’t accidentally grind together.


Did I mention that I am planning to attend Blissdom in February and BlogHer ’09 in Chicago this July?  I didn’t attend last year because I was too new to the whole blogging thing to understand what it was, but I do remember pictures…a LOT of pictures were taken and posted all over the internet.

Pictures. Of all my rolls and chins and bloat.

Consider me motivated.

I put on my Nikes and dusted off my sports bra.

I synced up my Ipod with mass amounts of high-energy music.

I walked in the gym this morning where the girl behind the desk did the once-over.

She smiled at me and said “Have a good workout”.

I didn’t take a swing at her.

I did have a good workout.

Thank you to that extremely hot guy who lifted weight right in front of me, you got me through that last ten minutes on the elliptical machine.

I feel like I’m growing as a person.

I turn 35 on February 1st and I have a goal to be down one full size by then.

Two sizes by July.

I will not answer the call of the Lay’s potato chips while getting caught up on “House”.

I will not dread swimsuit season this year.

I will buy myself a new wardrobe when I’ve reached my goal size and I will throw away my fat pants (which are, as of this moment, my every day pants).

I will stay motivated by my need to be healthier and physically fit, not some narcissistic, unrealistic mental body image.

Dear readers, I am on a mission and you are going to be forced to go along with all the inevitable whining and moaning and complaining that will accompany it.

May God have mercy on us all.

23 Comments on “Chunky is NOT the new black”

  1. #1 Chris
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 6:41 am

    I am not a “Feel-the-Burn Barbie” but I a believer in taking care of YOURself and the saying “Just Do It”. You can do this! I love encouraging people when they have a health related goal. Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but usually a by-product of healthy lifestyle changes, is dropping some weight and looking better overall. GO ANISSA!

  2. #2 brittany
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 7:56 am

    You shall be my muse. I mean, I am still gonna eat like crap for the remainder of this pregnancy, but after that, I am totally with ya:)

  3. #3 Kelly @ Pass the Torch
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:52 am

    I love your blog – and you have a wonderful sense of humor.

    I started WW in September and am down two sizes. It is so worth the effort – best wishes!!

  4. #4 Gwendolyn
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 9:18 am

    You can be my inspiration! I’m trying to get into shape, too. Right now the most exercise that I get is getting down on the floor to play with toddlers. :o)

  5. #5 Melisa
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Good for you for putting it all out there in public: you’ll be more likely to succeed now that the entire world knows your intention. 🙂

    I need to get off my butt too; you’d think, being a group fitness instructor I wouldn’t have to lose weight but unfortunately, thanks to my parents and their genes, I am not one of those perky, skinny types. Plus, my body is used to the workouts I do…gotta mix it up!

    I’m going to use BlogHer as inspiration, too. Good luck with your new routine: YOU GO, GIRL!!!

  6. #6 Niki
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 10:28 am

    So…yeah I seem to have this “muffin top” also. But the thing that REALLY bites is that I still attend college. Community college. Glorified High School for all intensive purposes. All these teenagers with their non existant bellies. Then I remember, I’m 31, I’ve had kids. I now have the biggest boobs I’ve ever had and the hips and ass to match. So what I no longer fit into those size 7’s. 10 is a nice even number and besides that’s usually the score of perfection!!!

  7. #7 basi
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    I think that’s awesome that you have your fitness goals ready to go for 2009. Take a Zumba class, I know that you’ll get hooked. They probably offer it at your gym. If not go to zumba.com and look up zumba classes by you. Try it once and tell me what you think. I met people at the instructor training that lost up to 60 lbs. by doing Zumba.

    Just a thought. I hope I’m not too annoying. Isn’t it wonderful be able to talk about non-pediatric cancer stuff again.


  8. #8 Jen W
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    I feel ya. I need to squeeze myself into a bathing suit in March. The clock is ticking for me to uh… “firm up”

  9. #9 Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    I’m with you, sister. I hit rock bottom a few weeks ago. the story’s a bit X-rated, so you’ll have to contact me directly if you want the details.

    I hadn’t heard of Blissdom, but I may check it out, especially if I can get a roommate (hint hint). 🙂

  10. #10 tara @ kidz
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    I can totally relate to this post! I just got back from the gym, only to give in to the temptation of a cookie. What the….

  11. #11 Karalyn
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    Yesterday I went with a friend to her 20 week ultrasound appointment. When the tech lifted up her shirt and started to squeeze on the jelly I said “Congratulations, you’re 5 months pregnant and your stomach is flatter than mine”!

    Totally unrelated to my fatness- I LOVE the new header-too,too,cute!

  12. #12 Heather
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    Well, you will be whining! Because woman, it’s hard to loose weight when you are in your 30’s!! REALLY hard! But, I will enjoy reading the rants and raves that are soon to follow. 🙂

  13. #13 Shelley
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    The extent of my exercise endeavor was walking around the block. I drove around first so I knew just how far I was walking. Turns out 2 times around is ONE MILE. I did it…..one time in a row. Better luck for you!!!

    Oh, and the header is ADORABLE.

  14. #14 PAPA
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    I used to want washboard abs but then i had my daughter.

    Now I want sleep.


  15. #15 Teri Smith
    on Dec 9th, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    You go girl! I’m excited for you! Maybe I’ll get motivated to stop the ice cream during House and chips during Worst Week. Will put Lancaster on my list at the library. And you’ve got to read Evanovich – definately good for laugh!

  16. #16 Jennifer
    on Dec 10th, 2008 at 12:39 am

    Go Anissa! So Chicago this summer, huh? You know that’s kinda-sorta close to Kansas. Hmmm.

    Hey, BTW…did you get one of those Kajeet phones yet? We bought one for F for Christmas. I was just wondering what you thought of it if you’ve bought one.

  17. #17 BlapherMJ
    on Dec 10th, 2008 at 11:55 am

    Good for you! I got your back! I’m working on mine too! You can do it!

  18. #18 wend
    on Dec 10th, 2008 at 11:49 pm

    funny! funny! funny! and sadly true for so many of us! I’m with ya girl…just sitting around with my chocolate chips yesterday thinking, “…wasn’t I working out 3-4 times a week just a few weeks ago???” What happened? “Hippy Holidays!”

  19. #19 Normal to Natalie
    on Dec 10th, 2008 at 11:52 pm

    i’m right there with you…trying to kick my butt into shape! you can do it!!!

    oh and i’m jealous of your planned trips to nashville and chicago. i wish i could afford those! ugh.

  20. #20 dcokequeen
    on Dec 11th, 2008 at 12:36 am

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jen Lancaster’s books. I read the first 2 and I’m about to start the third. I giggle my way thru it and my boyfriend keeps looking over at me like I’m crazy. Whatever!!!

    That’s the funny thing about gym memberships. Just having one doesn’t automatically make you skinny. I had one and I felt very proud of it, but I never lost any weight. I guess they forgot to mention that you actually need to GO to the gym to lose the weight. *sigh*

  21. #21 Sandwiched
    on Dec 11th, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Whoo hoo! I’m right there with you. I vowed to stick with Weight Watchers this time NOMATTERWHAT! And I’m ramping up my exercise (again).

    Maybe I’ll see you at BlogHer ’09!

  22. #22 Queen of the Click
    on Dec 11th, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    Anissa, You are so funny! I loved reading this post because I couldn’t stop laughing!

    You are already started on your goal and will meet both of those goals. I put my clothes out the night before I work out so that I either have to put them on be shamed and put them away.

    I can’t wait to meet ya in July at Blog Her!

  23. #23 Steph
    on Dec 11th, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    You crack me up, as usual. And you’re so on the right page with your motivation-hope our BlissDom plan works! 😉