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Appropriate on the night I serve only side dishes for dinner

Today is all about randomness.  No real reason, just lots of little bite-sized niblets of Mayhew goodness.


I had the chance to unload my kids on their Grandmother for the night and treat myself to a late night movie.  Movie was a no go…as SOMEONE should be skinned alive for not possessing the simple skill of telling time! I now possessed an empty house and all the time in the world.  I ran a luscious bath full of blistering hot water, sweetly scented bubbles, and a book that I anticipated would complete some empty part of me. I got in the bath and just sighhhhed in happiness.

45 minutes later, I woke up and the water was frigid, the bubbles had fizzled down to a waxy cloud and my skin texture put me on the short list for those California Raison auditions.  Unsatisfying in ways that I can’t begin to explain!

To make up for this travesty of relaxation, I went to bed practically giddy at the thought of a night of sustained, uninterrupted sleep! As my kids would not be dropped off at home until 11 AM, I was going to be sleeping long and late.

FOR REAL, people!  I woke up no less than 5 times in the night, trying to figure out what was so wrong…answer? It was too quiet. I can’t sleep without the fidgeting and squirming and all the heavy breathing in the house.  At 8 AM, I looked over at the clock, noted the time, took stock of the fully alert condition of my senses and shed a tear over the fact that I would not be going back to sleep.

My children are ruining me!

Planning ahead:

My response to Peter, worried he’d get shot at during a confrontation? “Hey, if he comes in shooting, make sure to scream ‘Shoot to kill! Not to maim!’ Cause I get no insurance money if you’re in a coma.”

Was that wrong?

Search Engine Keywords

One cool feature of StatCounter (which is the software that allows us to see how many people hit our site) is that it will tell us what keyword searches were used in a search engine to get to our site.  Some of these include:

“wetshirt tournament”
“Brad Richard scores”
“pepto-bismol for canines”
“EMLA cream past expiration date safe to use?”
“bum numb lotion”
“fanny paddled mom”


“Peter Mayhew as +sasquatch”

Stupid people at Starbucks

“What can I get that tastes like coffee?”

“Almost everything tastes like coffee.”

“Well, don’t you have like a coffee-flavored syrup or something?”

“No, we just have the coffee.”

“I want something that TASTES like coffee, but ISN’T coffee”

“Everything that we have that TASTES like coffee IS coffee.”

“But I don’t LIKE coffee!”

“But you want it to TASTE like coffee?”


That’s the sound my brain makes when it explodes and tries to ooze out of my ear.


My and my Dearest Friend discussing last time we went out to the Melting Pot together

Me – Remember that time we went to Melting Pot?

DF – Ohhh yeah, we should do that again soon.”

Me – Remember that movie we were supposed to see after?

DF – Why didn’t we go see it?

Me – Because we fell asleep in your van in the parking lot of the Melting Pot, with our zippers undone, trying desperately to digest enough food to make it to an upright position again. We argued about which one of us had to try to roll over and get a phone to call 911.

DF – Oh. Right. Yeah, we should definitely do that again soon.  OHH, Maybe for my birthday.

Me – Because nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a stress-induced bursting of the upper intestines.

Why Nathaniel will always be Peter’s favorite

Pete – I like being bald now

Nathaniel – You’re not bald, Dad, you’re thinning

Because the words NOT BALD and YOU’RE THIN strung in the same sentence make the clouds part and hosts of angels sing in Peter’s head.


Another reason why Nathaniel will always be Peter’s favorite

Nathaniel – I want a Batmobile

Peter – (giddily!) Want to build one?

Nathaniel – In real life?

Peter – YEAH!

Nathaniel – Cool.

Because we should all have someone who lives to indulge our particular brand of crazy. Even if we have to breed them.


And finally, the reason Pete HAD to get in the car and drive home this weekend to get loving, hugging smooches.

“I miss you, Daddy.”

Yes, those are tears. And yes, she’s 4.  Pretty expressive, huh?

11 Comments on “Appropriate on the night I serve only side dishes for dinner”

  1. #1 Jozet at Halushki
    on Jul 21st, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    OMG! That Starbucks conversation literally made me laugh out loud! People! People! LOL!

    And this…

    “bum numb lotion”

    That was me.


    Jozet at Halushkis last blog post..Goen Guest Postin

  2. #2 Childlife
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Oh, what a talented little artist you have — her details are just amazing 😀 So very glad you joined in with MMM, Anissa — hope to see more wonderful works of art from your place next week 😉

    ~Michelle @ 5MFSN

    Childlifes last blog post..Because Moms Don’t Get Sick Days…

  3. #3 slackermommy
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 12:43 am

    Wow! Those are great people drawings for a 4 year old. As you saw, my 6 year old draws penis people.

    slackermommys last blog post..Magic Marker Monday

  4. #4 GoteeMan
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 1:57 am

    echoing the comment about Starbucks conversation… cracked me up…

    in a restaurant – lady, “what is that wonderful smell?”

    waitress, “pecan (prounounced PEE CAN pie”

    lady, “Wonder what gives it that ‘pecanny’ smell?”

    me, “I’m not too bright, but I will give this one a shot… could it be…. PECANS?”

    I really am amazed at how uncommon common sense has become…


    GoteeMans last blog post..Is "W" is for "wind"?

  5. #5 Julie
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 am

    Cute drawing! Love the tears!

    Julies last blog post..Day Book

  6. #6 always home and uncool
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 7:03 am

    Too late. The children have ruined you. And get thee to a Dunkin’ Donuts for some real coffee!

  7. #7 Holly
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    You are freakin’ hilarious! I especially love the Starbucks adventure.

    Do you like Coffee Nips candy?

    Hollys last blog post..Knock, knock!

  8. #8 Shannon @ Gabi's World
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    Wow that is fantastic for a 4 year old! Such an artist you have there!

    Shannon @ Gabi’s Worlds last blog post..Magic Marker Mondays

  9. #9 Sarah Clapp
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    OMG! You are funny and brilliant! I loved the search engine, the starbucks dumbass, and the batmobile bits as my favorites. How do I become one of your kids?? Your story telling is priceless. lol

    Sarah Clapps last blog post..Charlie Flips!

  10. #10 melody is slurping life
    on Jul 22nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    Loved every niblet. 🙂

    And I love her expressive art. So emotional.

    melody is slurping lifes last blog post..Madness, Mayhem, Meltdown, Choose Your Title

  11. #11 Evon Mease
    on Jul 23rd, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    Everyone of those little stories made me smile! You have such an amazing family Anissa! And thank you for sharing them all with us 🙂 I needed those smiles tonight!