No rock stars…all Peyton!

In the event that Peyton remembers things from the treatment, I hope she doesn’t remember today. I know that officially, her least favorite sport will be hockey…her least favorite movies will be “The Mask”…and her least favorite spa treatment will be a facial.

The mask.

We got to Dr. Cotman’s office a few minutes late due to a steroid breakdown that was so bad I actually had to stop the car and remind her to breathe. When we got into the room where she’ll receive radiation she took one look at the machinery and decided, on the spot, that this was absolutely the last place she wanted to be. I had to put her on the table and she started crying immediately….she didn’t stop until we finally left….poor girl.

The mask they have to make requires her to lay on her back with her head in this little cradle, then they put this large piece of plastic mesh that is warmed and wetted so that it is flexible over her entire face. They are gentle as they press it down onto her face to make a complete mold of her face and then leave it there until it dries into the shape….she no likey!!! I haven’t cried through a treatment in a long time, but it wasn’t her pain that bothered me, it was the fact that it wasn’t painful, it was sheer terror at having her face stuck in this plastic. I could barely see her little eyes through the plastic but what I could see was her tears dripping down into her ears and she kept pleading with me “Mommy, please take it off, I don’t love this mask, please take it off!” Once the mask was hardened, they connected it down to the table so that she was completely immobile, after having strapped in her little arms and legs to the table. It made me sick inside to look at her like that, so trapped and scared, I can’t even imagine how awful it was for her.

After the mask was secured, they went through the process of marking the mask and running through each position. It won’t take long for the actual procedure, but I know to her each time will feel like eternity. I had thought that I would be able to hold her hand through this run through, but they wanted me to leave her on the table and go behind the wall, the way it will be done in actuality. So I talked to her through the microphone and tried to soothe her, but I couldn’t touch her or even be near enough for her to see me. They needed to see if she would be able to hold still through the procedure or need to be sedated. Although she cried throughout the trial run, she held still and was so good.

This kid is my hero. Terrified, angry, and desperate to be out of the mask, she still held perfectly still when we asked her to. That’s more than I know a lot of adults could have done in the same situation.

We finally got out of the radiologist’s office with plans to be back next Wednesday and a promise to head straight for Cracker Barrel. Peyton and I had lunch at her favorite comfort spot and she finally calmed down to where she could talk to me again.

After lunch we picked up Nathaniel and Rachael and went to Lisa’s house to have the yard sale meeting, it was great and so many are getting things done that I know it’s going to be an amazing event. There is still much to do, but I refuse to get stressed about it

I got thrown for a loop this afternoon when the clinic called to let me know that our whole radiation/chemo schedule got shifted around. I handle things by doing my best to stay on a schedule and organize the heck out of treatment, so when they throw me a curve ball it really bothers me. Instead of starting on Wednesday which gave me Monday and Tuesday to get ready, we start on Monday…..with Saturday at Disney with Rachael and Sunday in St. Pete for the telethon, this was going to be a horrendous pain in the butt. This gave me Friday to get everything ready…one day to tackle a mountain of laundry that would intimidate the most fearless of heart, get my house in to some sort of order for my family, pack for the two of us and mentally prepare myself for the upcoming days. Meltdown approaching!!

As it turns out, my friends scrambled to take the kids so that I could get more done on Friday, Rachael agreed to wait until the following Saturday to go to Disney and then my friends jumped on the ball to help with Monday and Tuesday when Peter would have to work. So, for the most part, it is not as bad as I had thought it was going to be, with the help of those around us we’re able to pull it together so that we can make the change in schedule as well as possible. We have the greatest friends! Thank you all so much.

Peyton finished her last dose of steroids this morning….YEAHHHHHH!!! Although she has days ahead of her before the effects begin to subside, the fact remains that it shouldn’t get too much worse. It sort of accumulates in her system, so she’ll still be funky for a few more days before it gets better. But the end has come at last!

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God
—Anissa