Hope4Peyton

We started our Tuesday at the clinic for a fingerpoke and counts. Her numbers came back great.

ANC – 2600 (normal is 1400-7400)
HGB – 12.6 (normal is 11.5-14.5)
Platelets – 239 (normal is 150-450)

So, she rocked this week!! It meant a lot to me to get those good numbers back, to have some concrete evidence in my hands that she’s staying stable and where she should be. It helps me focus on the positive progress she’s making through her treatment.

Is it insensitive to be so happy that Peyton’s counts are good? There’s both relief and guilt in that news. My happiness is offset by the reality that my wonderful friends, whose children have fought just as hard, whose kids have done everything their bodies can to fight off this disease, are seeing treatment fail them. I just continue to pray for each and every one of them, that God provides the healing power that only he can and I believe in being very specific in prayer, so I let him know that my preference would be healing HERE! Please keep lifting all the families in prayers, strength and peace are in high demand these days.

I’m not sure exactly what I did that rubbed her the wrong way, but yesterday at Little Tales Peyton looked at me and said, “Don’t make me spank you!” Did my preschooler just threaten me with corporal punishment? Oh yes she did! She cracks me up, that one.

She took quite a fall on the playground there, showing me with the most pitiful expression her poor knees that were all scraped up. However, she failed to realize that the most alarming injury was the one to her face where her left cheek was all red, puffy and roughed up from it’s meeting with the pavement. I guess if she can’t see it, it doesn’t hurt. My mistake, because as soon as I mentioned it she threw herself into full abused child mode.

This was the topper. Last July, we had Peyton’s fundraiser and at it, there was a large bounce-house. She loved it and spent a large part of the morning in it. Unfortunately, at one point when she was on the way out some kid bounced really hard and catapulted her high into the air, after which she landed face first into the concrete. The screaming was horrific, there was bleeding and she had a terrible bruise for months.

So, last night, all the kids are tucked away in bed and, I thought, asleep. Slappity slappity….the sound of Peyton’s feet on the tile….here she comes. I watch her walk into the kitchen and then she brings me something. It’s a refrigerator magnet from the company that we got the bounce-house from. Why we still have it on our fridge? I have no idea. Apparently to serve as a harsh reminder that gravity is a cruel mistress.

She points to the little picture and says to me, “Do you remember when I fell out of the bounce house?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“I get hurt a lot.”

Kid, that’s twice in a year, I remember when you used to kamikaze dive off the couch on weekly basis…on purpose…consider yourself lucky to be in one piece!

I’m in the middle of running around like a crazy person…how is that different than normal you might ask…well, this is all in preparation for our big Spring Break trip! There is just so much stuff that has to be done and taken care of and we haven’t gone on any trips for this amount of time since Peyton was diagnosed, so I’m a little out of practice.

But it all goes on hold because tomorrow is “All About Nathaniel Day!” Thanks to Shannon at the CCC, who offered Nathaniel a fantastic opportunity, he and I get to go off and spent what is going to be a wow-fan-tacular (I just made that up) day. The girls are off spending the night with Grandma and will be dropped off at dreary old school tomorrow while Nathaniel and I get up early and head to Busch Gardens!! He’s skipping the day of classes and we are going so that he can be one of the first to experience their new and exciting new Jungala ride. He gets to then give a “reporter” style evaluation of it and ride until he pukes. They’re providing food and good times! You know that’s all we need to show up.

Then in the evening we’re heading to the CCC for American Idol night. There’s karaoke, there’s food, there’s singing and dancing….does it get any better? For the parents there is also some special guests coming to talk to the group, they’ve arranged for some families to come in who’ve been through treatment, relapse and are now doing great. I know I need to hear that and I think it’s going to do a lot of good in raising some spirits. Then after the parent group thing is over we get to go down and have the kids “compete” with the songs they’ve been practicing while we’re gone. It should be hysterical!

If you’re a golfer or are married to one, consider spending some time on the greens with for a GREAT cause. Sherry Tucker’s foundation, Giving Hope Through Faith is having it’s annual Zach Tucker Golf Scramble on April 18th. The GHTF foundation has had a huge impact on the families coping with pediatric cancer in the Tampa area, and has grown in both it’s ability to provide financial assistance and it’s need for more funding to help the many families hoping to receive help. This golf tournament is their big fundraising event of the year and brings in a lot of the money that goes right back out in aid to the families. If you can be a part of the event, I guarantee that you will be touched beyond belief by what the Tucker family is accomplishing through their strong faith and their loving memory of Zach.

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God
–Anissa

Peyton is the Survivorship Profile of the month.

Wow, she looks so grown up in the new header. The Pepito picture just captures a very special quality of her personality…that moment before she smiles, where it’s just a hint of laughter in her eyes.

If you go to the “Past Headers” link, you can see how much she’s really changed over the past however many months I’ve been doing the monthly banner change. It blows me away to see the slow progression.

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God
–Anissa

In all honesty, I wish I could tell you that I was all sunshine and roses right now, but my heart is so heavy and I am full of sadness that yet another of our friends is facing more treatment due to relapse.

Saturday I took the kids to see “Horton Hears a Who”, which is a mouthful, I’ll admit and if you’re not careful, you’ll tell people what Nathaniel did. On complete accident, rushing to tell how funny the movie was and not even having idea what he said….

“We saw ‘Horton Hears a Whore’.”

Can I just tell you how hard it was to get tickets to THAT showing?? We got a few looks, but there’s nothing I won’t do for my kids!

The whole time I was watching the movie, my mind just whirled with the knowledge that Sierra had relapsed. It was all I could think about and I was just overwhelmed by anger and frustration and anxiety by the seemingly endless barrage of bad news. I wanted to punch something, I wanted to stand outside and just scream until I had no voice left. Instead, I made calls to those people who seem to ground me the most, help me refocus….oh how THANKFUL I have those people. I wish I could tell you that they gave me words that made it all ok and infused me with all sorts of strength and wisdom, but there aren’t words enough for that.

What I did get were the gentle reminders that through it all…good, bad and ugly…God is in control. I am so a work in progress with that giving it up to God thing, I try, I really do, but there are just days when that is an easier thing in theory than in reality. Because I want my children healthy, I want cancer to be gone from all these kids, I want “cures” that actually cure…this doesn’t sound like too much to me.

I will be very honest that as soon as my kids were gone, my mind went all the places it shouldn’t go. I mentally lined up all the kids I know with Leukemia and realized that out of most of them, Peyton was the one with the most likely chance of relapse. I had to go through that mental experience of “what if we’re next”. It hurt so much to even contemplate it that I am awed by the strength of the families living it, let alone the ones who have the perseverance to wake up each day after having lost a child.

When I say that I hurt for these families going through cancer and that I ache for the ones who are facing these relapses and all the uncertainty of time and treatment, it isn’t a turn of phrase. I mean, my chest actually hurts, it’s hard to breathe sometimes, my head just pounds, it is a physical reaction to all of it. But to the depths of my soul, I trust that God’s plan is holding each of these children and that his love for them surpasses anything we can even imagine, and it gives me comfort. I know that if it were to be Peyton, I would hate that, Peter and I would be devastated. But we would find that strength we needed to get through and do what needed to be done for her.

So I just ask that you all pray for these families…the ones going through treatment….the ones that are facing more treatment….the ones who are in fear because of the unknown and the possibilities…the ones who are making the memories that are going to have to sustain a lifetime of loss….the ones who wake up to a day that has an emptiness that can never be filled again…just pray for that strength to be given to them, that peace is a part of their daily lives, that God fills them with the faith and knowledge that all the things that are so out of our control are never out of his.

I did get the chance, both today and yesterday, to spend some time with the Keslers, the Gunns and the Reicherts. It was a blessing for me to be able to go there and just give them the love and encouragement, because it’s all I have. Maybe it’s this burning need to do SOMETHING, anything, but I just have to go and I have to hug and love these families. I sure hope it makes them feel better somehow, because it does me.

Way to make it all about me, right?!

Peyton is doing great. I do have to tell you all that she looks wonderful, she’s full of energy and laughter and has learned to roll her eyes with the best of them. She is sassy and happy and I have to focus on the positive progress she continues to make.

Nathaniel and Rachael are both gearing up for a week of testing at school. They have their standardized tests, not FCAT thankfully! Both could care less about the tests, they are just excited they have a week of no homework followed by a week’s vacation with Dad.

OH! I have to tell you what Pete did. You might remember that as a way of avoiding the “Why didn’t we get a Wii for Christmas?” conversation that I’m sure many parents who were unable to find one went through, I had made a deal with the kids. I told them as soon as one of them could lick their elbow, I would run out and get one. So far so good! No licking success (ok, that just sounds weird), no complaints about the Wii because they know what they have to accomplish and no pulled muscles in the daily attempts.

Pete texts me last night that he’s decided to run out to Wal-mart and see if they have any in preparation for our visit. He has no furniture or anything to really do, so he’s hoping the kids will think that Daddy’s place is cool if that’s where the Wii is! He texts me that there are no Wii’s. That’s good with me, we struggle with enough electronics as it is.

I wake up this morning and there it is.

A text.

12:05 AM “We’re getting a Wii!”

This man stood in line at midnight because they couldn’t sell them until midnight and just waited for a Wii. And he got one.

My caveman husband returns triumphant from the hunt with his prey in tow! The man procured the Holy Grail of gaming systems. He may not have scaled Mt. Everest or swam the English Channel but he will now be the favorite parent! I gave birth, but he gave a Wii. It’s so unfair.

We haven’t told the kids yet, we’re going to surprise them when we get there. He’s ruined my daily laugh at my kids’ Cirqu de Solei audition level contortions for the Wii.

He’s actually agreed to let me bring it back home with me too!

Who says miracles don’t happen every day!

f.r.o.G….fully relying on God
–Anissa

So, on the occasion of our 10th anniversary, Anissa and I decided to do something a little bit whacky. We’ve decided to do a he said/she said about our first date. This will probably be the story I tell to my grand kids one day. As you’ll soon read, it could probably stand a little polishing. Just to mess with her, I had an inclination to describe an entirely different night…but in wanting to stay married, I’ll go with this one.

Before I go into that though, I feel I must set the stage first. I was in the last month or 2 of my senior year of college. I was pretty much out of funds, and hadn’t yet decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was considering grad school. I think it was either that or go work for an airline. I’m actually blanking on what my other choice was. Anissa was at a crossroads in her life. She had recently moved back in with her parents and was known to stay up late surfing the web in its infancy…on AOL…over a dial-up connection…charged by the minute.

We met online believe it or not. It was a dark and stormy night and she happened to be one of 3 women online in Daytona that night. Anissa was the only one who could actually hold a conversation for longer than a minute. I think the first words we typed back and forth were something along the lines of:

“Hi! Whatchadoin?”

“Trying to save the world by ignoring obnoxious people who IM me randomly”

“Neat! How’s that working out?”

I think it was probably a few days of random gabbing sessions between us before we decided to share pictures. I sent over the only picture I had of me on a computer. It was this really far off shot of me that summer in Alaska. I didn’t want to scare her away. She sent over this glamour shot of her. She was gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. She looked like a model. I knew immediately she was WAY out of my league and I had no chance whatsoever. Of course that pretty much took the pressure off, so I was able to just be me. Ok, sorry, I’m rambling. Long story short (too late), we chatted online for hours on end over the next several weeks. Some nights it was me chatting. On a very rare occasion it was one of my roommates, Andy or John. Yes, it was a group effort. Hey, I needed help and my friends were happy to lend a hand.

After several weeks of chatting, we decided to meet. I took a friend of mine down to the bar she worked at and didn’t introduce myself at first. I ordered something and just watched. She lit the place up. I saw a woman who was fun. After a few minutes, I introduced myself and we just started gabbing some more. I asked her if she’d be interested in going out to lunch sometime and she said yes! Simple right? Boy meets girl.

The night before our scheduled lunch date, at about 2 AM, my phone starts ringing. It doesn’t stop. You know how freaked out you get when the phone rings late at night. I thought something bad had happened. I answer the phone, and it’s Anissa. She had gone out that night with some friends and they wound up taking her keys away from her because she shouldn’t drive. She looked through her beeper (remember those?) and saw my number and decided to beg for a ride home.

So there I am at 2:30 AM, driving through the back streets of Daytona during one of those torrential downpours in my beater car that has no windshield wipers. I find the club she’s at, meet her friends, gather her up, and drive her home. When we get to her house, she gets out of the car and has a Ms. Piggy moment with a tree in her parent’s front yard. She walked right into it, fell down, and popped right back up. I made sure she got in the door before I started to back out of the driveway. For the record, I was a complete gentleman that night. I didn’t even try to hold her hand.

She had said she would call me the next morning. I woke up, and got busy doing things, but kind of kept an eye on the clock. The phone never rang. I think it was around noon or so when I got a little antsy and called to check up on her. She was just waking up and had a rather large headache.

We decided to go to her favorite Chinese restaurant. I picked her up at her parents’ house and off we went.

I’m having a hard time coming up with a description of our lunch other than it was amazing. About halfway through it, I realized I didn’t want it to end, and I guess I got my wish. It was the lunch you want to have with someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. We talked about everything. We talked about anything. There was never that awkward lull in conversation. Some of it was deep conversation. Some of it, eh, not so much.

At the end of our meal, the waitress brought over fortune cookies. The message in her cookie was something along the lines of “It doesn’t snow in Miami.” Real meaningful. Mine read, “You have found what you were looking for.” I kept that in my wallet for years. I think it finally disintegrated on the 10th time my wallet went through the washing machine over the years.

Another for the record, we went Dutch. I was a broke college student!

After lunch, I took her to get her car, and sometime in there we decided to continue on into the evening and rent a few movies. So we roamed through Blockbuster until we found the most “perfect” movies for a date. I think we rented 3 movies, but I can only remember 2 at the moment: The Last Supper and some Jack the Ripper documentary. Yeah I still don’t know where the heck those came from. The Last Supper is actually a movie about young college students who invite these extremists over for dinner and conversation. If the college students can’t change the extremists’, minds during dinner, the extremist winds up buried in their backyard. Yeah…REAL ROMANTIC aren’t I? I didn’t pick the movies…ok, so I picked one. Anissa was telling everyone in the Blockbuster to remember her face just in case she turned up missing.

So we headed back to my apartment, and all my friends decided to show up at the same time and watch the movies with us. What is it about college? A movie shows up and whammo people crawl out of the woodwork. The cool thing was that she had a chance to put faces to the names of all my friends at the same time. The uncool thing was that it was a date and my friends never got that hint. They just decided to camp out. I can’t recall now if we played blackjack or poker. I think someone actually broke out a board game or maybe it was a computer game. The bottom line is that she just rolled with it and we all had fun.

That’s pretty much how our first date went. It wasn’t what you would call traditional, but it seemed to work out ok for us. 10 years later, we’ve got 3 kids, a dog, a book full of stories, a million laughs, a thousand tears, and each other, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Anissa’s mom likes to say that I took her on one date and just never brought her home. My response to that is, how could I? I needed a “graduation girlfriend!” 🙂

That pretty much sums it up. Anything Anissa says to the contrary is all here say, fabrications, or ramblings.

Pete