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Things that go bump in my night

**UPDATE!  Have returned from clinic with wonderful, beautiful, amazingly good counts, so my fears have been relieved for now.  I know that this isn’t the end of all my crazy, but it does mean I’m good for another month.  As if PMS wasn’t bad enough.*

Last night scary things happened in my house.

Peter and I bunkered down to watch a movie that involved flesh-munching, rabies-infected, zombie-like humans.  As a good friend let me know, there are certain things that it’s always ok to cheer if they die: Nazis, aliens and zombies.

I want to take this moment to AGAIN wonder why my husband, who gets queasy during ER and has been known to stand up and walk out of the room when I’m watching “Trauma: Life in th ER”, feels the need to rent these kinds of movies.  He’s not so good with the blood and gore and gristly body parts….let alone the creatures that are making lunch out of them.

Me?  I dig ’em!

Him? Not so much.

Yet, again, he asked me to watch it with him…repeatedly…mostly because it was dark and he wanted to watch it alone than any need to spend “quality time” with me. *imagine creepy music interlude here*

And yes, bodies were mutilated.

Yes, gallons of blood were sprayed, spewed and splattered.

There were even some fairly suspenseful moments.

However, THAT is not what kept me awake all night.

Awake all night, with my heart sort of pounding and my mind racing.

That wonderful experience was due to Peyton waking up in the middle of the movie crying. That her legs hurt.

Nothing ever, no monster under the bed, no evil in the closet, can make me break into a cold sweat faster than those words.

For those of you who are uninitiated to the full expanse of my craziness, let me fill you in.

The two nights before Peyton was diagnosed with her Leukemia, she woke up crying in the night of leg pains.

And I scoffed. I gave her some Tylenol and sent her butt back to bed. I was totally unaware of the cancer filling her body.

I’m not so lucky this time.

Her ongoing string of mild infections (pink eye and strep) over the past couple of months have been making me a little nervous as it is.  THIS? After finally calming down after last month’s nerve crunching fiasco in the clinic, is driving me to a full  blown panic.

She’s been sick, she’s had leg pains bad enough to wake her in the night.

Nothing to an average parent.  It’s cold and flu season.  They’re growing pains.  They’re inconveniences.

For a long hours last night…what will be long hours until we go to the clinic on Tuesday to get blood counts…they are symptoms and signs to a hyper-vigilant cancer parent.

Peter and I said the words to each other that parents are supposed to say.  We know that it’s probably nothing and her counts will be fine tomorrow.  She’s just tired and she walked a lot at the mall.

She’s fine.

And then we look into each others eyes and we know it’s there in the back of our minds.


Suddenly, the rest of the movie isn’t so scary anymore.

30 Comments on “Things that go bump in my night”

  1. #1 Anthony
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 8:05 am

    Your post touched my heart, I will keep her in my prayers.

  2. #2 Amy@UWM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 8:06 am

    Oh, man. I can only imagine what it’s like to live with that kind of worry. Will be thinking of your sweet Peyton and hoping that it is just some growing pains.

    Amy@UWMs last blog post..The Ultimate Virtual Party for Moms

  3. #3 imjustagoyle
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 8:14 am

    I’ll be thinking good thoughts for all of you today.

    imjustagoyles last blog post..My 15 Minutes of Fame

  4. #4 Tiffany
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 8:19 am

    Sending you good vibes, my Twitter friend 🙂

    Tiffanys last blog post..28 Weeks, And Growing

  5. #5 Cherie
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 8:58 am

    Powerful post Anissa. Praying for Peyton and you today. 🙂

    Cheries last blog post..Have Your Cake and Eat it Too

  6. #6 Rhonda
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:17 am

    Praying for GREAT counts today!!

    Rhondas last blog post..Mother and Father Goose

  7. #7 Ami Czorapinski
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Oh Anissa! I have been there and I know that feeling. Not only with Joshua, but with Adam as well. The not knowing and the fear are the worst. I hope that you are able to get to clinic today and squash those fears. I swear that when your child is diagnosed with cancer and you become a cancer parent, you sign a form that is mixed in the all the others. That form says, I will give you years from my life with every bump, bruise, fever, cold, pain, surgery…. We want so bad for our children to have the “normal” but it is the normal that sometimes terrifies us. Prayers are said my friend.

  8. #8 perksofbeingme
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    I’m keeping you, your family, and Peyton in my thoughts today. Please let us know how it goes. Love love love.

    perksofbeingmes last blog post..I’m on New York Time.

  9. #9 Jackie
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    I will be praying for your family and for good news from the blood tests.

    Jackies last blog post..My Little Guy

  10. #10 Nina
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    damn…..hate to hear that. Hope everything will be ok

    Ninas last blog post..It’s my birthday weekend…..

  11. #11 Jen
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Thinking of you today – I hope everything turns out just fine, I’m sure it will 🙂 Love and Hugs

    Jens last blog post..Random Tuesday…I may have cracked

  12. #12 Barbara
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    yeah way to go Peyton.

  13. #13 Adventures In Babywearing
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    I know how this goes. I am glad to see the update but oh do I know that feeling of “we’re out of the woods!” and then you have a close call and think OH NO IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN.

    Thinking of you much-


    Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..TWICE! And I Never Use The Phone

  14. #14 Janna
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Thank God for great counts!

    To me, you are a superhero from all you have been through. When all else fails(or just before you try anything else), just remember Philippians 4:6-7.

    Jannas last blog post..Top Ten Tuesday – Our Fun Edition

  15. #15 Captain Dumbass
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    At least with scary movies you know they’re not real.

    PS. I came over from your Twitter page where your bio about snorting pop rocks made me instantly heart you. Like forever.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Random Tuesday: The Director’s Cut

  16. #16 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    Thank you so much for your prayers and sweet words, Anthony. I’m relieved to tell you that we got counts today and everything is GREAT!

  17. #17 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:44 pm


    I don’t know what it was, but I know what it wasn’t!! She’s great and perfect and everything is good. YAY!

  18. #18 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    Your good thoughts are a powerful thing. Everything came out fine and I’m so relieved I can’t even express. Thank you so much.


  19. #19 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    Your good vibes WORKED, my friend! She’s doing great and I’m so relieved.


  20. #20 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    The power of prayer, my friend.

    She’s awesome, counts were perfect and I am so thankful, today and every day.


  21. #21 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:46 pm


    Everything is PERFECT!!! YAYYAYAYAYA

  22. #22 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:48 pm


    I felt your prayers all day. Although I was so worried and scared and just felt like it was the end, all of a sudden I felt very calm in the office. Like even if it were a relapse, we were going to be ok. Weird, huh? I hate the feeling that I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, but we continue to live like it won’t.

    Love to you and all of your precious family,

  23. #23 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    Everything is GOOOD!!! YAYAYAYAY! I’m so relieved. and exhausted. Thank you so much for your wonderful support.

  24. #24 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    We got our good news! Everything is perfect and I can be relieved for another month.

  25. #25 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:50 pm


    Everything is good and I get to be just another paranoid mom for a month. That works for me. Thank you so much for your sweet words.

  26. #26 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:50 pm


    Everything DID turn out to be fine. Yippeeee!

    Thank you so much for your words.


  27. #27 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    Thank you so much, I know you understand and that means the world. It’s painful to think of the possibilities, but also a wonderful moment to realize how many special friends we have no matter what.


  28. #28 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:52 pm


    THANK YOU, for your words, your prayers and your wonderful faith. ALL are an amazing support for us.


  29. #29 AnissaM
    on Mar 24th, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    Pop rocks…the snapping language of love!

  30. #30 jennifer
    on Mar 26th, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    I am so happy that the counts were good. Awesome news.