*I’ve had the mixed blessing of knowing a lot of women who every day inspire those around them to be more than you thought you could. Through pain and loss of unimaginable magnitude, they are able to love fiercely and live with laughter in their lives. I met one of these tremendous people for the first time in Nashville and she will always have a place in my heart. If I’m gonna post a picture of some chick grabbing my hooters, I wouldn’t want it to be anyone but the Redneck Mommy herself.
After a long journey (seriously, READ all 6 parts), the Redneck family has found themselves with a beautiful new member of the family (although apparently the inbreeding was starting to show, so they had to adopt to inject some new blood into the mix) and I’m so happy to be a part of the welcoming celebration and redneck baby shower.
His Bad Redneck Auntie challenged us to reach deep and find our inner Redneck, and BOY did I find mine, shameless dirty and reeking of Skoal.*
I was born in Seoul, Korea…raised in Indiana. I’m a pretty strong argument for the nature vs. nurture argument.
No, for REAL, ya’ll.
I love me some country music.
If I lost access to iced tea I would probably wither and die.
I can tell you the best way and the wrong times to de-tassel corn.
I really think kimchi smells like rotting toejam boiled in armpit sweat.
I am a complete fail when it comes to ethnicity.
Did I grow up thinking that hanging out inside a tractor wheel…while the tractor is rolling…is a smashing good time? Oh, YES I did.
Did I once get kicked in the girly bits by a donkey? That would be a big fat yes.
Has a family holiday ever been interrupted by a pig getting loose and running amok on the property? Take a guess.
Am I still mildly traumatized by the sight of a dozen deer hanging half-gutted from trees in my uncle’s back yard? Do you need my therapist’s number for confirmation?
I grew up in an area that still doesn’t have cable TV or high speed internet access.
But it IS a meth hotspot. Growing up in the country does have it’s privileges, yo.
So am I a hardcore, country-bred, deep to the marrow of my bones a redneck?
If you need further proof, this is a satellite photo of the house I grew up in.
Have I managed to translate that into successful Redneck Mommyhood? Judge for yourself:
Is that your new baby’s soft beautiful skin atop a…bundle of hay? No, that is NOT an Olin Mills set up, that was actually taken in a barn, 5 feet from a stall of pigs. Classy, no?
Rachael might always be my secret favorite child for nothing more that this picture alone.
Yes. That is a bottle of Jim Beam.
HEH, lightweight.
This is how we roll when we’re in Alabama, yo!
My work here is done.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 1:03 am
I can’t decide which one made me wince more – the skinned dear in the Uncle’s front yard or getting kicked by a donkey but honey, regardless: we are both total rednecks 😉
katie ~ motherbumpers last blog post..the long con
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 3:27 am
That JD pic kills me. My post for Tanis is going up on Sunday.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 8:40 am
I knew I loved you. Being from TN, I can relate to every single line.
What can I say, but “Get It Bo!” YeeeeeeHawwwww!!!!
Amos last blog post..Ode to a Redneck Shower
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Jeff Foxworthy would be proud. That a whole lot of “you might be a redneck” jokes tied up with a big purty red bow.
Seriously though, does anyone deserve a special child more than Tanis? She makes this parenting thing look easy and it is SOOOOO NOT.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I have never loved you more.
And for once it has nothing to do with the size of your boobs!
You are a redneck after my own heart! I knew we had a deep and lasting bond between us!
Wink.
Redneck Mommys last blog post..Electric Moment
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
HolyCrap, I didn’t know you grew up across the road from me, and did you have to tell everyone about the meth? lmao…you are a funny chick….and when were you in Alabama and why didn’t you come see me?
Jerri Anns last blog post..TV Boyfriends
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Let’s see, I know I’m a redneck by birth, marriage (my mother’s to my 2nd dad and then mine of course), and by giving birth to two kids in TN. I loved your list and wanted to say that I too say y’all like all the time, I LOVE country music and thank the country elders b/c now my hubby likes it too so I can come out of the country music loving closet:), I know how to make Southern sweet tea & sun tea w/the best of them, and YES I can’t stand the smell of kimchi too! Although cucumber kimchi is great! I was stationed in S. Korea (Osan – about an hour from Seoul) and all I smelled on an almost daily basis was kimchi and while my hubby likes the taste of it the smell keeps me, to this day, from trying cabbage kimchi). There’s a lot more that makes me a redneck BUT I fear I’ve said too much already:)
If I lost access to iced tea I would probably wither and die.
I really think kimchi smells like rotting toejam boiled in armpit sweat.
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
P/S: I had to copy and paste what you wrote so I could comment on it but I forgot to delete it at the end:) I’m a dork! A nursing, no sleep, mother of a hyper 2-yr old son and month old daughter dork. Sorry!
on Feb 14th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I am laughing so hard! Although I’m from Pennsylvania – I can relate to so many of those!
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:30 am
@katie ~ motherbumper,
Seriously, I was about 8 years old when the kicking happened…my uncle thought it was so funny that he called me the other day to let me know he got a new donkey…I was welcome to come for a visit.
Can I just TELL you the hoof-shaped bruise I had down there?
Some things you can just never live down.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:31 am
@Fear and Parenting i,
Yippee!! I can’t wait to read what Vegas girls do for redneck fun.
I swear it was a sippee cup to start, but the moment was too perfect not to take advantage of.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:35 am
@Amo,
A friend made me give up my last pair of overalls…I kept them for years hoping they’d come back into “style”, but alas, no.
I loves you TOO! And not in a crazy-family-reunion-do-you-come-here-often kind of way.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:37 am
@Shelley,
Tanis deserves EVERY happiness, I can’t even imagine how much this special boy has been blessed. And I can’t wait until he pees on her for the first time…bet says it’s within the next week.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:41 am
@Redneck Mommy,
YOU make me want to move to Canada!
I simply cannot wait to hear how this boy tears up your world…one electric moment at a time.
Love.
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:44 am
@Mommy of 2 (D’s Mommy),
So, you’re redneck by “injection” so to speak! OR, every now and then you “have a little redneck in ya”….I could go on for days.
YOU have more memories of Korea than I do, seems unfair right? You should send me some photos, I can photoshop myself into them and make it like a “where’s waldo” contest. Is that wrong?
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:45 am
@Megan (mommyesquire),
PA, you got all the Amish up your way, right? You ever go to some barn-raisings?
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Hahahaha.. that was funny. Especially the bottle of JB. I’m going to try that on the next sleep strike. 😉
Faiqas last blog post..Lagging Administrivia and the Elusive Yeti
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
ROFL at the picture with the bottle of Jim Beam.
threeundertwos last blog post..Vacation in Captivity
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Anissa this is the best one yet! I’m cracking up. I’ve lived in Indiana all my life and you’re more redneck than me! (And least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..He’d Open His Arms Really Really Wide
on Feb 15th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
OMG, you’re stalking me aren’t you? I grew up in Indiana (I’ve even hung out with Amish), and now you’re moving to GA near me? Do I need to call the cops?
Carries last blog post..Are you looking to get married?
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 11:13 am
too funny! i was raised by rednecks…as a matter of fact, i am descended from a long line of rednecks! my childhood home is surrounded by cattle fields and tree farms.
you forgot to mention how for christmas at a redneck’s home, even all of the ex-spouses come by for a little while! i love the robert earl keen song, merry christmas from the family! makes me laugh because it is so real!!!
Normal to Natalies last blog post..Movie Time Monday
on Feb 16th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
@AnissaM,
I do have to say that I think being “injected” is far easier in becoming a redneck than any other way:) Although I am a Texan, by birth and was raised there on & off through the years, so does that make me a redneck by birth? Oooh! I would have to find some pics to scan but once I do you can always tell people: why yes, I did use to be a short Hispanic girl! Ha-ha! P/S: Guess who’s moving back to Tampa? Yup, and now you’re leaving. Life’s not fair!
on Feb 18th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
bwahahahahaaaa fabulous, from one redneck mommy to another 😉
HUGS and Hell Yeah!!
rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..Keep Believing