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Did you know that the strength of pure rage can cause small animals to implode?

My anger level is an ELEVEN!

My fury burns with the fiery hot passion of a million suns.

I fart in their general direction. Their mothers were hamsters and fathers smelt of elderberries.

I hope they all wake up tomorrow with their faces sewn to the carpet.


I had to call Tampa Electric this morning to find out why I have a $600 bill!  Oh yeah, you read that right.  $600.

Do you know what they told me?

It was really colder than expected in February, and you know it costs more to heat a house than to cool it.  It was under 50 degrees, like, a lot of days, really cold, you know. Even though it’s three times your normal usage, we just have to assume it’s correct and I can extend your due date by five days.

Dude. Seriously. Do you speak any language that non-gibbering idiots can understand?

I grew up in the north…I mean NORTH!…Indiana and Wisconsin…and I don’t ever remember my mother asking my father to cough up a kidney so they could cover the utilities.  Not even once.

If it were possible to reach through a phone line and just kick someone in the forehead, I would have found a way.

16 Comments on “Did you know that the strength of pure rage can cause small animals to implode?”

  1. #1 Amy@UWM
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Shit. We have actual winters here in the ATL and we’ve never paid that much for heat.

    Amy@UWMs last blog post..Go Read This

  2. #2 jwg
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 8:14 am

    Did they at least read the meter?

  3. #3 Amo
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 8:18 am

    Tell you what, as soon as I get finished kicking the crap out of GE for telling me ‘that can’t happen’ when I informed them that their dishwasher leaked while I was out of town for a week and RUINED my hardwood floors in the kitchen AND living room…I’ll help you out with the electric company.

    Be right over.

    You still have samoas, right?! 😉

    Amos last blog post..Guess it didn’t skip a generation after all.

  4. #4 diana
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 8:26 am

    I have found that most utility companies have customer service training programs that apparently include mandates like 1) never ever use common sense and 2) the customer is always wrong. Our bills aren’t that big in Chicago, where winter never ends.

    dianas last blog post..Mother and Goose

  5. #5 kp
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 8:49 am

    Maybe it’s an April Fools joke. No? Well I tried.

  6. #6 Amy
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 9:31 am

    My mom lives in Valparaiso, IN, which is just south of Lake Michigan and gets a ton of snow and wintery weather. She lives in a hundred year old house. She installed a new furnace last year, and yet her NIPSCO bill (power and gas) was $650.

    But I agree with you, I’d expect that up here, but not where you are.

    Call back and ask for a supervisor. Keep calling back until you get someone with a brain and some satisfaction. Also, go out and read your meter yourself right now, and compare what you see to what it says on your bill. If your bill says 65000, and your meter only says 45000, you have some proof. Of course, they’ll be different now than it was, but even if your meter says 65001, you’ve got proof that something’s wrong with their reading.

    Good luck!

    Amys last blog post..What to do, what to do…?

  7. #7 Tracey
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 11:25 am

    I live way up here in Canada where we really get cold and my bills are not that high…ever.

    It’s funny that you guys found February “cold”. We came to Disney and wore tank tops and shorts while you Floridians (is that a term??) were dressed in fleece hoodies.

    Loved your state and can’t wait to come back to see more of it 🙂

  8. #8 Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 11:33 am

    Holy heat bills Batman! That’s nuts! You need to talk to a supervisor and get your meter checked. And that bit about heating costing more than cooling? I don’t know about you, but in my ‘hood, that’s a load of crapola. It costs me three times as much to cool than it does to heat.

    Check with your neighbors. See if they had a huge jump as well.

    Fear and Parenting in Las Vegass last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Announcement

  9. #9 Janna
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    Gotta love customer NO service…NOT!

    Seriously, I live in NC, and even with a really cold January and February, our bills were nowhere near that.

    I hope you are able to straighten this out with a reasonable human being that is not reading from a script!

    Jannas last blog post..Top Ten Tuesday – Cartoon Characters

  10. #10 Beverly
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    Does it help if I tell you that our TECO bill has been lower recently…even with the 12% increase?

    Probably not.

    I was seriously excited, though, to think that we’re using less electricity and TECO has less power over us…until I realized that we’re down one member in this house…and he’s at college…and the money that we pay out to the university far surpasses the money we save at TECO!

    It never ends!

    Beverlys last blog post..Small Dose of Happiness

  11. #11 Deb
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    I’m hoping that this is an april fool’s joke.

    I concur with Diana… I live in Chicagoland where winter is dragging and our bills aren’t that big. Infact… we hadn’t received a gas bill since September and when it finally came, covering through February… it was less than $400 for 6 months of gas through a cold, cold winter where the furnace ran almost constantly just to keep the house at 65 degrees. I know that it varies but people tell me all the time that electric heat is cheaper than natural gas……..

    I hope that they read the meter this month. If it is estimated, ask them if you can read the meter for a revision.

  12. #12 Musing
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    I’m right there with you!

    Now, off to rewatch Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

    Musings last blog post..In honor of the day

  13. #13 threeundertwo@Lit and Laundry
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Someone has to help bolster the economy. This month it’s you. It’s all part of a huge plot. We’ll all be tapped randomly at some time.

    threeundertwo@Lit and Laundrys last blog post..How to Short-Sheet a Bed

  14. #14 BlapherMJ
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    I have a continuing war with both the electric and gas company who try giving me the same line “more than normal useage”. Yeah…. Right.

    BlapherMJs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  15. #15 Faiqa
    on Apr 1st, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    My God. Did they at least take off their ski masks and put their guns down while you pleaded for your life?

    Faiqas last blog post..Argumentum Ad Hominem

  16. #16 JD
    on Apr 2nd, 2009 at 1:12 am

    OOOOH… Faiqa said it best…………!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hey, I live in the freakin’ frozen tundra up in this winter wasteland called east coast Canada, and I nearly died of shock when our latest bill came in at $479, Canadian. I thought that was terrible, and it is, but $600???????????????????? And we have temps below freezing, daily. BELOW FREEZING. It’s spring here, supposedly, but we still have snow, ice, and sub-zero temps. And they think your area is “cold” enough to warrant $600 for one month? Unless your house is 45,000 sq feet, your ac and your heat are on at the same time, and every appliance and gadget known to mankind is plugged in and running, they’re vampires out for blood. Did a neighbor plug an extension cord and run their entire house from your power supply?

    Check your meter. Seriously.

    And how can they notice how “cold” it is with their head stuck up their nether region?

    If you want a copy of my bill to shove in their face, let me know. I’d be happy to oblige.