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No such thing as a good spinal tap?

Today I was proven wrong.  Because today? Today I watched my child have a BAD one.

Peyton had her monthly visit at the clinic for a spinal tap with chemo injected into her spinal fluid and chemo in her port.

I’m not going to go into the awful details of WHY there was blood on the table, WHY she had to have two needles stuck in her back and WHY she had to scream for 20 minutes…and sobbed for half an hour.  I’m just going to leave it that I am not happy, I am devastated for Peyton who had to suffer today. Mistake were made and my 4 year old paid the price.

Tonight as my baby walks slowly through the house, groans in pain when she tries to lay down on the couch and whispers things like, “Mama, it hurts when I have to bend”, I am wishing I could take this all from her into myself.

I’m reminded of all the reasons I hate cancer.

17 Comments on “No such thing as a good spinal tap?”

  1. #1 All Adither
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    Oh God. I’m so sorry you and Peyton had to go through this. It must be so agonizingly heartbreaking. It’s really hard to see your kid suffer at all, much less that much.

    I hope she heals quickly.

    All Adithers last blog post..Anything is possible in Vancouver

  2. #2 always home and uncool
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    Totally sucks for both of you. I’m lucky most of the bad stuff Thing 1 had happen to her was when she was 2 or 3 so she doesn’t remember most of it now.

    always home and uncools last blog post..Remnants of Summer’s Demise

  3. #3 Christi
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    I am so, so sorry that she has to suffer so, Anissa!! Sending prayers!

    Christis last blog post..1st night of class!

  4. #4 Ami Czorapinski
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    We have been in that same boat. Prayers for both you and Peyton.

  5. #5 Gail
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of poor Peyton’s day, I can’t imagine having to watch that and be helpless to stop it. You are always such a ray of sunshine for everyone else; your turn to have others try and comfort you (if such a thing is possible). And here I checked in to see what funny thing happened to you recently. Sigh. Cancer is awful.

  6. #6 Beverly
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    I’m sorry…so, so sorry that poor Peyton had such a horrible experience.

    Sending lots of prayers for both of you.

    Beverlys last blog post..Secrets I Never Thought I’d Share

  7. #7 Tanya
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    I’m so sorry you both have to deal with such a horrific experience. I’m sorry you had to watch her suffer and know it maybe could have been avoided. I’ll be praying you have a good night’s sleep and she’ll feel better tomorrow or at least soon.

  8. #8 Natalie
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    I’m sorry. It just plain sucks. Really, that’s all the eloquent I can muster up to say about it. Just. Plain. Sucks.
    Prayers that tomorrow will bring her back some comfort.
    Love you guys,

    Natalies last blog post..New plan. Well, sort of. Maybe.

  9. #9 Karalyn
    on Sep 3rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    Hugs and love to Peyton…poor baby. Tell her I sent something out for her today.
    P.S. Do you want me to come down there and kick someone’s ass?

  10. #10 Kim Ayres
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 5:23 am

    Sorry to hear things didn’t go well.

    Just thought I’d say a quick hi and welcome you to the 5MFSN team

    Kim Ayress last blog post..Finally relented

  11. #11 lori astacio
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 7:48 am

    Oh A,

    I am just writhing at the fact that Peyton had to suffer today for what sounds to be an error. My thoughts are with you and Peyton. I too well know the painless pain you are going through. I am so sorry for this.

    Hope everything worked out well this week. I hope to see you on Friday morning.

  12. #12 Amy Nasworthy
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 8:01 am

    I’m a pretty big girl, so if me to kick someone’s butt just let me know. I would gladly beat them like Peyton does on the Wii boxing. They better watch out because Peyton knows where to cause the most pain.
    I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.
    Love you guys!!

    Amy Nasworthys last blog post..Deal-breaker

  13. #13 Perspective, getcha some | Hope4Peyton
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 8:12 am

    […] ← No such thing as a good spinal tap? […]

  14. #14 Joanne Lee
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 8:27 am

    Girl, I so feel for you (I can’t feel for Peyton, as I don’t know her pain). I hope the next few days she is doing better and doesn’t get those God awful headaches that seem to follow the “bad ones”…I know it sucks, we’ve had a few of those and it is never ever easy…praying for you. xoxo

  15. #15 Cindi
    on Sep 4th, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Hope your day was better today. Give Peyton a hug and a kiss for me. Still reading your blog all the time and keeping up with you from across the bay. Love Cindi

  16. #16 Julie
    on Sep 5th, 2008 at 9:13 am

    I’m so sorry she was in pain, still is, and you couldn’t make it better. I know that’s got to rip your heart out.
    Praying for you guys….

    Julies last blog post..SO excited!

  17. #17 Sarah Clapp
    on Sep 6th, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    No mother or child should ever have to go through that. I’m heart goes out for this strong little girl.

    Sarah Clapps last blog post..It’s Safe To Drink The Water