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Feminism takes a hit in my house today

Because my husband works and lives 400 miles away I often have need of a man.

I need a man to perform those “special” tasks that only a man can perform for me.  Perhaps you’re ok with taking care of them yourself, but I NEED a man!

Today, I got totally denied a man that I wanted.  BAD.

Cause I got me a lawn problem, people. My neighbors can stand and testify because when it gets totally out of control they are kind enough to just keep walking with their own mower and do the front lawn.  Luckily, no one can see the rain forest I’m growing in the back.

I’ve had 5….count ‘em 5!!!….lawn guys out here to help me out since Peter moved.  2 of them mowed once and never came back.  Let me set the scene though: I have small house on medium sized lot, have minimal mow-around issues and I’m not asking for a freaking topiary, just trim the bushes into a square! I paid them, and the first two guys never came back for more easy cash.  And it is easy cash because I think it took them all of 20 minutes to mow it all, and about 10 minutes to run a weed wacker around.

Guy #3 mowed my lawn twice and managed to rip the gate off my fence, leaving it hanging and let my dog out to roam the neighborhood.  Didn’t even TRY to put it back up for safety issues, just left it hanging there.

Guy #4 took my check, mowed the front, saw the broken gate and gave me back my check.

Guy #5 is my friend’s husband who already works two jobs and is often on the night shift so unless I want him to mow at 6 AM, it doesn’t work with his schedule or mine.

I am in lawn maintenance hell.

My needs are simple.

So, I’m driving down the street to head off for school pickup and see a lawn service trailer.  I jerk to a stop in the middle of the road and get out of the van to check out the SIZE of the lawn mower…it’s pretty narrow, it’ll fit easily through my fence gate.  The guy is just buzzing around a perfectly kept lawn (although it might be that no one wants to take credit for maintaining my weeds, which is all my lawn really is, but if you squint your eyes, you can mistake it for grass from a distance….like 1000 yards) and I get all excited.

I found my man!

I write a quick note and run it over to leave under his windshield wiper.

Something like:

I like you.
Do you like me?
Want to mow my lawn?

Circle yes or no.
Call me at xxx-xxxx

Not really, but it was a nice note and I promised cash!

As I was leaving the MAN saw me and boogied himself over on his mower and I yelled to be heard over the motor.


He smiles at me and shakes his head.


He kills the motor on the lawn monster and leans over the steering wheel….filthy, sweaty, nasty, but gloriously capable of controlling my weeds.  He smiles a yellow-ish grin and says, “Sorry, I’m not taking any more customers.”



For real?

Lawn service guys get to be picky about their customers?  A few years ago we had lawn guys coming up to knock on our door on a weekly basis to see if we needed help.  Now, apparently they’re so in demand that I can go on a WAITING LIST.  To get my lawn mowed.  Seriously, people.

It appears that my choices are to either monitor Nathaniel while he mows or do it myself.

Can anyone guess which route I’ll be taking?

I think that’s why we had kids in the first place. That, and to bring us more pretzels.

14 Comments on “Feminism takes a hit in my house today”

  1. #1 threeundertwo
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Definitely this is why we had kids. I blame my son for my awful lawn.

    threeundertwos last blog post..Frog

  2. #2 SciFi Dad
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 11:16 am

    I have to admit to needing to re-read the first few paragraphs with my mind decidedly OUT of the gutter (after reading them first the other way).

    Admittedly, the first way was more entertaining.

    And, at least no eyeballs were touched in the making of this post.

  3. #3 Kristine
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    Damn, sounds like the problems I have getting someone to clean my house.

    And yes, that IS why we have kids!

    Hope you are weathering the storm OK!

    Kristines last blog post..Show and Tell of the feline variety – part 2

  4. #4 Double Agent Girl
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    Awe! Poor Anissa! I’d come mow your lawn if I could! Maybe its because its the end of the summer season?

    As for Nathaniel. Yep. That IS why we have kids. Plus? If you pay him, its still way cheaper than a lawn service.

    Double Agent Girls last blog post..Aftermath Responds

  5. #5 Melisa
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    That is TOTALLY why you had kids in the first place. My kids clean the bathrooms, too. (I’d rather cut the lawn!)

    Melisas last blog post..The Best Thing Ever When You’re At Home For Breakfast, Eatin’ Sausage and Syrupy Things

  6. #6 Holly at Tropic of Mom
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    That is craz-ee!

    But do you get the guys who knock on your door and beg to trim your trees? I’ve actually stopped answer my front door because of them. Maybe some of the tree trimmers could be converted to lawn maintenance guys.

    Holly at Tropic of Moms last blog post..The maybes of Tropical Storm Fay

  7. #7 Sarah Clapp
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    I’ll do it for you! I love mowing the lawn! Seriously! I do! LOVE IT! The bigger your yard the better.

    Sarah Clapps last blog post..Become The Stain

  8. #8 Kelsey
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    Not taking costumers? Seriously? I would so mow your lawn haha

    Kelseys last blog post..::The Couple With The Bag Of Prescription Medication::

  9. #9 Brittany
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    So wait,they can do other things besides just bring me pretzels!?!?!?!

    Brittanys last blog post..Dermatological Guest Post

  10. #10 Sarina
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    Wow your lawn troubles sound remarkably like the ones I have had with housekeepers! Good luck getting it done without being forced to do it yourself. My friend does hers herself and she HAS a man!

    Sarinas last blog post..NOT so Super Savings…

  11. #11 Annike
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    I think this is hysterically funny because I seemed to have married into a lawn man family. My father in law owned his company for 20 something years before selling it. My brother-in-law dabbles in it, and my husband does it as his 2nd job. He doesn’t have too long of a waiting list…lol! Oh, and my lawn is almost all weeds, but trim ’em up reall nice with some edging and doesn’t look too shabby!

    love ya!

  12. #12 Brenda Vosejpka
    on Aug 19th, 2008 at 10:58 pm

    Awwww Anissa! I wish I was closer. Id mow your yard for you…tuck your puppy away safe inside AND fix your gate.


    Once again all I can send are prayers that you get the help you need soon!

    Hugs, Brenda

  13. #13 always home and uncool
    on Aug 20th, 2008 at 9:16 am

    Three options:

    1. Pave the yard.
    2. Get a goat. Or three.
    3. Hire a high schooler in desparate need of cash.

    always home and uncools last blog post..Go Ahead, Pull My Tractor

  14. #14 Angela
    on Aug 20th, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Just don’t let them “trim” your cacti. Elaine and Katie mow. Were we mowing my age 10? Now that was a HUGE YARD!