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Baldies make me cry

Alone again. Peter left today after a full week at home with us. It was busy and he was so needed to be here for us all. We enjoyed the playful time with daddy, the laughs we just don’t quite get when he’s not here to share them and I sure needed him through a week that has more than it’s fair share of emotional lows.

Today we spent that time where we should be having fun but we can’t quite get into the spirit of it because we know the goodbye is coming. Nathaniel did skip out for a trip to the movies with his big buddy Eddie, a sweetheart of a guy who took Nathaniel to see the “Spiderwick Chronicles”. Rachael is always our crier, she sobs so hard when it’s time for daddy to leave. She always bounces back with some love and comfort, but she takes it extra hard when the door closes and she hears the car drive away. Peyton was asleep when Pete left, so she was sad to wake up and daddy was gone. We hugged a lot too, but she is already looking forward to our long spring break trip up to visit “Daddy’s house”. They think apartment living is pretty glamorous, they have never seen what their father’s apartments look like….boy are the in for a surprise!

Saturday we hit some events we had planned and we missed some. I was still feeling a bit YUCK after my Thursday procedure (which since I’m getting a bunch of emails of concerns, I had an endometrial eblation, you can google it if you really want to, but be prepared, it’s not roses or sunshiney!) and we missed getting to go to our friend Allie’s pancake breakfast in the morning. We missed going to another fundraiser for our friend Shadrianna. I really wanted to make it to both, but sometimes you just have to know your limits and I couldn’t drag myself all over the place that day.

What we did get to do was the St. Baldrick’s shaving event at O’Toole’s Pub in Brandon. It was amazing!!! I was expecting it to be fun, but I was completely unprepared for how emotional I got. I’ve spoke at several functions lately, the Breakfast of Hope being the one I really had to steel myself not to bawl like a baby, but this one caught me completely off guard. We had two special friend Brian McPike..father of Rachael’s BFF Alyssa…and Greg Wynn…our fantastic next door neighbor…who were singed up to be shaved. And for the love of Joe I see Pete’s bald head all the time and not a tear is shed! But THIS….this struck me hard. Jo (my brave and outstanding friend who is about to get shaved in honor of her daughter who’s battling leukemia), be ready, it’s just MORE than I thought. AND if you haven’t supported someone getting shaved, please throw a few dollars Joanne’s way, she is a tremendous friend and a phenomenal mother and I am just in awe of her in doing this.

We watched the first three people get shaved, and then I got up to say what I thought was going to be a quick “thanks for coming, it means a lot to the parents of cancer kids” and it all just came flying out of me. I couldn’t stop thinking of the day that I talked to Peyton about taking of the last of her hair that had been coming out in clumps anyway. She hated it, it was everywhere, in our food, all over her and she complained that it made her head hurt. I put a towel in my lap and she stood there and laid her head in my lap, all I could see was her little head and that soft skin of her neck. And I just started to cry as I took those clippers to her hair and I held that first handful of hair and just sobbed over it. I finished the rest of it quickly, I couldn’t stand it. But she looked at herself in the mirror and just grinned and rubbed her head and she was so happy it was gone.

I tried to tell those people at that event what it meant to me that they were doing this voluntarily to raise money so that some other child down the road might not have to have her mama cry when she shaves her head because cancer will be cured. But I couldn’t. I just stood there and cried like a goof. And they freaking applauded! I was mortified. I did finally pull it together enough to tell them thank you, tell them how important what they were doing was, what a monumental impact each and every one them had. I got to use a great statistic I heard at the Fashion Funds the Cure that both stuns and sickens me….we spend more in Florida as a state to save the manatee than we do as a nation to research pediatric cancer cures. Well, I know a lot of people, over 35 got shaved Saturday night and had their hearts touched and their lives changed in an effort to give our kids a chance.

Thursday night we went to the Children’s Cancer Center for family group night. I was supposed to stay home in bed and recoup and probably should have, but thanks to a wonderful invention called Vicodin, I got spend a floaty, hazy night with my family and friends. They were lovely, all bubbly and brightly colored. I really could have stayed in bed and loved every minute of it, I was uncomfortable as can be, but I wanted to go to family group with my WHOLE family there for once and I also really needed to connect with my friends with a week like we were having. They’re all going through the same pain…well, maybe not all the exact SAME pains, but you know what I mean….and fears right now and I needed to be with them. So drugged to the gills I went and got my support on!

Just in the event anyone ever considers having an endometrial eblation and your ob/gyn says “Hey, you can do it in the hospital with a general anesthetic but you have to stay 24 hours, or you can just come do in the office under a local and go home in an hour!” GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!! HOME SUCKS. Get the big drugs, let them knock you out. By the end of my procedure I was begging for them to bang me over the head with a croquette mallet. And I had 3 babies without epidural, I thought I was pretty tough. My kid gets spinal taps while watching Dora the Explorer, I can do this! Piece of cake. Yeah, big wimpy BABY. I totally understand Peyton wanting her binky, I wanted one pretty bad that day myself.

Anyways, as you can see, we had a busy week. Some good, some not so good, all of it better because Peter was home to be a part of it.

We continue to ask for many many prayers for the Gliddon family, the Lester family, the Gunn family, the Kesler family, the Rodriguez family, the Potterbaum family, the Sims family, the Gaudineer family, the Dickson family and so many more that I could literally run out of bandwidth space.

Thank you for your faithful prayers, thank you for your loving encouragement and I thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the support and compassion you share with our family.

f.r.o.G….fully relying on God

3 Comments on “Baldies make me cry”

  1. #1 basi
    on Mar 17th, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Hi Anissa,
    I didn't know or remember about your procedure. I hope you're feeling better. Get enough rest. That makes a huge difference. I'm so sad about Matthew. Every time I put on my Matthew t-shirt it just breaks my heart.

    We'll keep our prayers going strong for the Giddons and the others that we know who are fighting.

    love, basi

  2. #2 Julie V.
    on Mar 17th, 2008 at 1:57 pm


    We were at a St. Baldricks event here in Illinois on Saturday night and it was a great turn out. Joshua was one of the honored children at the event and it was the first one we've attended. Our family had a blast! My brother and Dad got their heads shaved. The host of the event believes that there was about $27,000 raised which I thought was great (the event was held at a rather small pub/restaurant).

    I find it amazing at the network of support and functions you and your family attend. We have nothing like that up here in the Chicago land area. I've met a lot of families along our journey with cancer, but usually it's while we are sitting at the chemo clinic or through the caring bridge sites. I'm just amazed at all that you have there in Florida.

    Thanks for keeping us up to date with so many families who currently have children in such critical situations right now. I'm lifting Matthew and his family up in prayer.

    Take care and get some rest.


    Julie Vercouteren

    P.S. That statistic about the manatees disgusts me too (and I'm an animal lover like the rest of them).

  3. #3 Julie V
    on Mar 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    For some reason the dollar amount didn't show in my last post.

    The event raised about $27,000 and the money is still rolling in!!!! Every person can make a difference in raising awareness about pediatric cancer.