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Waffle House’s Anatomy and Physiology Class

We made it safely home, all body parts intact and each child accounted for. The entire holiday week went by without a single worry about fever or illness…that was nice.

The countdown to Pete’s departure is on. We have 6 days until he has to leave. We have to get him the basics to live on his own, which he hasn’t done in 11 years. He has to get ready for doing his own laundry, eating only if he cooks it himself and answering the alarm clock without me punching him in the kidneys each morning. It should be interesting.

I have to prepare to take care of the kids, keep the household business under control and besides planning to move our entire existence, not a whole lot will change. The thing that really stinks is that Pete will finally have the free time to spend with us and he’ll be 400 miles away.

In preparation for the move, I’ve stumbled on the greatest store EVER!! I think that each and every person should drop everything and head straight to the nearest[url=http://www.ikea.com/us/en/] IKEA [/url]store. It’s got the most awesome stuff, it’s totally affordable and it’s like the mother ship is calling! I truly feel the need to share this wonderful Swedish import with each and every person…we all need to have a special gift.

I love road trips, they’re just fun. We are those people who like to travel by road, it gives us time to remember why we should treat rest stops as a national treasure. The time in the truck together also gives the kids time to come up with new and fascinating conversation topics.

Why is it that kids can latch onto a horrifying inappropriate phrase and find a million chances to use it?? Nathaniel came home from school one day, after a rousing P.E. class and announced that “he got whacked in the nuts”. Loved that one. I tried to explain to him that there are nicer and more socially acceptable ways to rephrase that, but the word had been said and heard and cannot be unknown. So, there came a day when Peyton slipped getting into her carseat and she came down hard on the edge of the seat…she yells “Owww, I banged my nuts!”

There has been no getting her past the idea that she doesn’t have them, she never will and if for some reason she were to suddenly grow them….well, let’s just say that cancer might be the least of her worries. But it doesn’t stop her from using the phrase frequently. Her “nuts” have been an ongoing issue when she falls, when she slips….any number of testicle-injuring possibilities.

Leaving the Waffle House in Newnan, Peyton again announced that her nuts hurt. As this is not possible, I chose to ignore it. And then I decided that it was time to just get the basic A&P out of the way.

“Peyton, you do not have nuts.”

“Yes, I do.”

“No. You don’t.”

“I do!”

“Boys have them, girls do not.”

“What do I have?”

Great. Wonderful. Loving this moment!

“Girls have a vagina and boys have a penis.” <—does anyone else remember the scene in that Arnold Shwartzenegger movie with that line?? Oh yeah, it was flipping hysterical before I had kids and realized that it was going to be MY kid announcing that at show and tell.

“What’s a penis?”

“Boys have a dangly part, girls don’t, let’s just leave it at that.”

“I have a vaginaaaaaa!”

Seeing as these are universally the two funniest words in the English language, Peter and I were treated to three rousing choruses of “Vagina Vagina Vagina” from Rachael.

My children are so doomed. I’m through trying to fix this one.

f.r.o.G…fully relying on God


The Children’s Cancer Center Holiday Card program

These holiday cards are pieces of art made by the hands of the kids battling cancer or cancer survivors. These are a precious way to support the awesome Children’s Cancer Center while helping to raise awareness. If you’re going to buy Christmas cards anyway, take a moment and consider the impact your choice to be involved in the Holiday Card Program could have. The gift you are giving each child and family is priceless.


December 15 – Badge Bowl @ Wharton High School

The Badge Bowl is Tampa’s Finest vs. Tampa’s Bravest, Tampa’s fire and police go head to head in a football game that will benefit the family of Brooke Martin, a little girl and friend of ours, battling ALL Leukemia.


7 Comments on “Waffle House’s Anatomy and Physiology Class”

  1. #1 Lorrin Wagner
    on Nov 25th, 2007 at 8:32 pm

    I LOVE Ikea! What a great store, I actually ordered a catalog online but never ordered too much as I mainly enjoyed the stuff they wouldn't ship. There are tons of Ikea stuff on Craigslist too!

    We frequently go with the whole twig and berries concept. Works pretty well for us although we also use the technical terms. I find it hilarious but Nick and Jeff don't find too much humor in it. Sounds like a pretty amusing conversation with the kids! Tell Pete to have a safe trip, is he bringing some video games for amusement?

  2. #2 Ami Czorapinski
    on Nov 25th, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    IKEA rocks! My entire house is furnished with either IKEA or JCPenney. Jeff and I decided that with three boys there was no way we were buying expensive furniture until they leave for college. Then, we won't be able to afford anyway. :TONGUE Glad you found the store. Order a catalog and look through it a million times. Each time you'll find something new. So happy you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Peyton was fever free.

  3. #3 Karalyn
    on Nov 25th, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    I hope Peyton's nuts feel better real soon. Love, Karalyn

  4. #4 Lisa Savage
    on Nov 26th, 2007 at 8:52 am

    Thanks for making me laugh so hard that tears rolled down my face!

    Hope all body parts on all Mayhews are doing well today!

    Lisa and family

  5. #5 David
    on Nov 26th, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    IKEA….LOL. When I told Stephanie IKEA had plans to build a store in Tampa (at the corner of 22nd street and Hwy 60 for you locals) she got all giddy. She had to leave the lure of IKEA in Scotland when she moved over. I thought we'd have to make a trip to Orlando for the grand opening of the store there. She also says it is the best store ever.

    If you were at the one at Atlantic Station in Atlanta, you were a few steps from our corporate office in that Wachovia building.

    Hope all goes well with Pete's move.

  6. #6 Penny Hawkins
    on Nov 27th, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    Hey woman – Jared is still terribly upset at the TOO SOON departure of one said NATHANIAL MAYHEW. Apparently – he can do without the rest of you……. Hope to see you guys soon. Oh – I was gonna say you guys are NUTS – but that just might not be appropriate right now. HEHEHE


  7. #7 Heather
    on Nov 27th, 2007 at 8:35 pm

    Ok . . . I've never been to an IKEA store, but I think I need to go! 🙂

    I'm so glad you guys had a good Thanksgiving – but I don't like reading about your trips to Atlanta. It makes the move all too real and we are going to miss you guys. I'll be thinking of you all and praying for a smooth move for Pete.

    Talk to you soon!
    Love & FROG,