Ok.

Ya’ll?

LOVE YOU!

Mom is doing much better…her meds appear to be working (although the doctor’s refuse to do more tests, calling them “unneccessary” and expect her to just “know” that the clots are passing because she’ll “feel better”…MEH! I want tests!)…she is actually FEELING BETTER…and my sister drove down with three of her four daughters and I think having all her kids by her side did a lot to comfort mom through her crisis.

Thank you all for your prayer, they worked wonders and I believe in a powerful God who can work miracles, even in clusters of blood clots in the lungs of my mom.

But it hasn’t been all hospital bound angst…although there was plenty.

My sister was here! WHEEEE!

We don’t get to spend enough time together and I never see my nieces enough.

I got to stay with my BFF and her family and we can never leave soon enough for her poor, beleagured husband….when we arrive it brings the numbers to seven females vs two males….in a one bathroom house. OH HORROR!

I got the chance to play with my new camera some more and I’ve never been so thankful to see a piece of machinery hit the skids as my old camera.

So I leave you with some images of my weekend…and my deepest, most profound thanks for caring and being here for me.

Posting may be light in the next few days as I am out of town with my mom and dad.

Friday night my mom was diagnosed with multiple pulmonary embolisms, blood clots in her legs and lungs. VEEEERY bad news.

She was recently in a pedestrian accident when a woman didn’t realize her car wasn’t in park and the car rolled…pinning my mother’s leg between two bumpers. She’s lucky she didn’t destroy her leg, but the accident and the time spent on bed rest caused a bunch of blood clots to build up in her leg and then start boogying through her body.

This is life-threatening.

I’m scared for my mom.  I don’t even have words to tell you how my world shook after finding out how very sick she is.

Saturday I took off to be with my mom at the hospital and was relieved to see her stable.  Not good, but stable.  The clots in her lungs and legs are being treated with medication to dissolve them and we are praying hard that they cooperate without throwing any clots that could cause a heart attack or stroke.  Her lungs are in danger because of the oxygen-deprivation the clots caused before they were discovered and treatment was started.

She’s in bad shape.

I held it together when I got the news and understood how critical her condition is.

I maintained control while I packed up my kids and drove to be with her.

The moment I wrapped my arms around her and felt her grab hold of me, my tears started and we had a good cry together.  Both scared, both glad to be together.

I had a moment when I was rubbing lotions on her hands that I was flashing through moments these hands loved and comforted me…wrapping her fingers around mine, teaching me to spell my name…kissing me and holding me when I took a header off my bike…wiping my face as I strained to birth my babies…enveloping me in mother’s love in the pain of my own daughter’s diagnosis.

I’m not ready to lose those hands yet.

Please pray for my mom.

********************************
Today, I wrote at 5 Minutes For Special Needs about how being an advocate for Peyton has helped me help my mom.

For the first time, we walked into our hospital no longer in treatment.

We are still under their care, but Peyton is no longer a “patient”.

It felt good!

We’ve had a love affair with our hospital and clinic from the start, and we never cease to be thankful that Peyton was diagnosed in a location that has such an awesome children’s hospital available.

The first year of her diagnosis Peyton was chosen to represent the hospital at their Children’s Miracle Network Telethon and they produced this video of her at the clinic.  Please don’t look at ME in the video, I thought they were just going to be shooting her and was woefully unprepared.  But Peyton sparkled when the cameras turned on her.

The second year we were picked to be a part of the announcement of the Vinny Lecavalier donation to All Children’s Hospital…they’re naming the whole oncology wing after him….NICE donation…but suffice it to say that when Peyton is DONE with the photo op with the hot hockey player, she is DONE!

Today we got yet another chance to sing the praises of our hospital by participating in the US 103.5 Miracle Network Radiothon, being interviewed live by Jenny and Travis.  DO NOT feel like you have to listen to the whole recording of me gushing…because, believe me, I GUSH a lot!…but you have to check out the first couple of minutes and listen for Peyton to say the sweetest words..”No More Chemo!” Awwwwww

Peyton and Ann

Peyton with Jenny and Travis

Jenny and the gang…including Rachael “Half-Pint” Mayhew

Thank you so much to Ann Miller from ACH, Jenny and Travis at US 103.5 and everyone at All Children’s Hospital for having our backs and helping Peyton in her battle.

Once upon a time…

There was a sweet little girl who liked to read.

And because she likes to get in character, she started wearing this bonnet everywhere.

And she was very cute.

When her mean mama said she couldn’t wear it to school, she wore this headband instead. Adorable, no?

Only she was covering up THIS.

Curse you, scissors.

Does anyone know when they stop doing this?  This is the 4th time!

I had this whole post planned about the “end of treatment party” or lack thereof.

I even had it partially drafted.

Everything I needed to say about this subject is totally encapsulated in the next sentences I’m going to type:

Another friend’s child relapsed this week. A young man, eleven years out of treatment, was diagnosed with a secondary cancer, a viciously aggressive brain tumor. A little boy is laying in a bed in the PICU, the cancer is gone but infection and complications are threatening his life.

I feel so tired of it all.

That is why there will be no end of treatment party.  I just can’t.  I can’t celebrate something that’s left me feeling so raw and vulnerable.

I am happy our daughter has finished treatment. I can’t even tell you what it feels like to say those words aloud.  My daughter doesn’t have cancer anymore, she’s done with chemotherapy.

Why would I not be dancing on rooftops?!

Well, unless you’re really new to this site, you know that I’m the teeniest bit C.R.A.Z.Y.

Me = Crazy like Starbucks = Coffee.  (Them’s the full extent of my math skills, there will be a test later)

We are two night without chemo and YES I’m full of anxiety and fear.  I am consumed with the “what if”, I feel as if I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I’ve seen it drop, far too many times.

Because, although I pray for her healing and I know God’s hands are wrapped all around her, I also know that sometimes God’s plans hold the unwanted.  And that sucks. So I pray for an accepting and faithful heart.

There are times I get God mixed up with Santa Claus…I want to write a letter and lay back, confident that my wishes are going to be met.

I’m praying. HARD. That my baby girl is going to be ok, that I’ll get my act together and get a grip, that I’ll be a better wife and mother, that I’ll be able to be a friend and a support to my friends who need every encouragement possible.

ps….a post I wrote is being highlighted on today, so go check it out….sadly, it sort of fits my mood today.