We’ve been home almost a month now, and are slowly getting into the swing of things and a routine.
Here’s a list of the top 10 things we’ve learned since being home:
10. It’s HIGHLY important to make sure the locks on the chair are engaged…especially on hills.
9. You can actually chase a pea around your plate for 20 minutes.
8. People stare in stores. It’s a moral imperative to scare them.
7. Tickle therapy works wonders!
6. Ice cube therapy not so much.
5. Fear-that-you’ll-be-dressed-like-a-James-Bond-girl-for-the-rest-of-your-life therapy works too!
4. Never watch anything with a split timeline (15 minutes of the first episode of Lost nearly sent us back to the hospital)
3. Throat punches are an effective anti-therapy
2. It is not appropriate to yell, “I am Cornholio!” in your best Beavis voice when she gets stuck taking her shirt off.
And the number 1 thing we’ve learned since being home is:
1. No matter how disabled they are, never, EVER, ask a woman to give up some of her closet space even if she can’t get in there in the chair.
Anissa’s spirits are still as high as ever. I think mainly due to the constant variety of things going on.
If you sat in a hospital bed for 3 months, and the only thing you wanted was to get home, do you think you’d be happy if all that was going on at home was the TV? So I guess it’s a good thing that the TV broke before the super bowl, and it took them 3 tries (and a month and a half) to get it fixed. BTW, I don’t recommend a Samsung…companies should stand by their products…Geek Squad was fairly helpful, but the whole process was just frustrating as heck and one less headache I didn’t need.
Thankfully, the weather broke here some last weekend. That allowed the kids to get outside and play. Apparently our house is going to be that house that the neighborhood kids congregate at. I’m more than good with that. Last weekend, there were kids here all day every day. Running in and out, climbing trees, riding bikes, playing tag, and buying ice cream from the ice cream truck (it was THAT nice out), prompting Rachael to say, “This was the best weekend since we’ve moved up here!”
They need to relieve stress too.
They don’t need schedules.
They don’t need parents nipping at them to get their chores done.
They need fun.
They need laughter.
They need skinned knees.
They need to just be kids.
They are helping out big time around the house, and being very thoughtful of what mom can and cannot accomplish just yet. They’re making their lunches at night before school. They’re involving mom in their homework and playing some board games with her. Rachael is probably the most help, because she can actually cook! More on that in a moment.
Cognitively, and I’ll go into more detail a little further down, she’s doing remarkably well. Conversations with her are similar to what she was before. She’s lost some things, but nothing that I’ve found yet that had any emotional weight to it. For example, she forgot what ice cream was. Some may think that’s sad, but think about being able to experience THAT again. Also, once she experiences it, she’s remembering what it was. She may struggle to remember a name, but that’s getting better all the time too. Think of when you want to describe something, and it’s on the tip of your tongue. She has those moments more than most people these days, but even that’s decreasing.
Her humor is still unparalleled. She’s still funnier than Margaret Cho!
Physically, she’s progressing, but it’s slow. She’s now able to transfer herself from her chair to the couch. Try it some time. One sided. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Actually, while you’re reading this, pick your right leg off the ground and try to stand up from a sitting position using just your left leg and arm. Then try to pivot 90 degrees to sit on something else. Then try it with shoes on and while on carpet. Then try it with a couple of drinks in you to throw off your balance (the effects of the injury and her meds).
Then put your right leg in.
And now pull your right leg out.
Put your right leg in and shake it all about.
Yeah, that’s me making it harder on her. I’m constantly cracking jokes or asking questions while she’s doing this. I’m trying to work on her multi-tasking at everything, because, in my opinion, sometimes you’ve got to run before you crawl. If our goal was to just be able to move her leg, then I’d let her concentrate. But our goal is for her to be able to walk and talk at the same time. Once she shows me that she can do something, I try to up the level of difficulty. The therapists can let her focus. The kids need more. Our family needs more. In our house and life, there isn’t all that much time to concentrate, so I’m trying to simulate real world activities. So, EVERYTHING becomes therapy. Everything. She doesn’t need comfort now. She doesn’t need pity. She needs help and guidance. She needs Burgess Meredith pushing her harder.
Next week I’m planning on tying her legs together and making her chase a chicken.
I’m KIDDING.
(Mostly)
Yep. I’m becoming a therapist.
Her right leg is getting stronger daily. It doesn’t have a whole lot of fine control yet, but just last night, from a sitting position, she was able to lift it up a few inches. When she lays down for a nap or exercise, she’s able to bring her leg up with her, avoid the chair with it, and use it some to help scootch her up in the bed. Minimal ankle movement/stability so far, but I’m the eternal optimist. When she does a big yawn and a stretch in the morning, that ankle tightens up and the toes point, which is similar to how the top half of her leg started waking up.
The best analogy to all of this that I can think of is probably if you were to leave your house for a few months, you’d probably turn everything off. When you came back, you’d have to systematically go through and turn things on again. One by one, things are turning on for her, just very S-L-O-W-L-Y.
She’s now able to activate her right shoulder. She has more power pulling it down/back but can also push it forward, bend SOME at the elbow and we’re starting to see SOME random/uncontrolled movements in her fingers.
In her face, the left side of her jaw is so tight she can’t open her mouth up more than 9 millimeters. They’re going to try botox to loosen that up this week. She’s starting to slur her words because her mind is finally moving faster than her mouth is. I keep envisioning that there’s a magic button that will make that work. I’ve been having this recurring dream. In that dream, her mouth just starts working normally again, and I keep asking her what we did to get it to work, but she’s so damn excited that it’s working, she doesn’t stop to tell me.
Kinda frustrating for it to be just out of reach…daily. But, at least it’s starting to be within sight, and that’s what keeps me going. Those little baby steps here and there. The other day, I did actually get to see her walk about 10 feet with the help of 2 people and a walker. One was making sure she didn’t tip over and the other was helping straighten her right leg when she brought it down. Not all that graceful just yet, but definitely progressing.
I do need to share one funny thing that happened this weekend.
This weekend, the weather was not so nice, but Rachael had a friend, Katie, sleep over. There were late night movies and pillow fights and the only casualty that night was one popped air mattress. The next morning, however, was a different story. The girls, both 8, did the sweetest thing. They made breakfast for everyone. It was so special. They were hopping around the kitchen doing things without much supervision and having a ball. The goal was muffins and pancakes. The result was something different. The muffins were awesome. The pancakes were made with love and chocolate chips. They even made a super special big one for Anissa. Whatever I write about them simply won’t do them justice. They were awful. The consistency of the sole of a shoe, and probably not much difference in taste. You could literally play frisbee with them.
I couldn’t keep a straight face and had to keep looking away to not laugh and crush their effort.
Anissa, however, thanks to the facial weakness kept a straight face and looked me dead in the eye and said, “These are wonderful! You girls did such a great job, why don’t you give Peter two. He’ll be happy to eat them.”
Like I said…she’s doing pretty well cognitively, and EVERYTHING is therapy.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
So incredible to hear how well you’re all doing!!!!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Super happy.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
She’ll get there, we all have no doubt. I’m glad you’re keeping that amazing sense of humor Anissa, I love you!
Now… to try the hokey pokey thing, so I can REALLY see what my mama is working with.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
So glad to read about all the progress. The Cornholio stuff was hilarious…sorry Anissa.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
Awesome. M wife and I were just talking yesterday about how rare it is for someone to be able to keep her personality and humor after an event like she had to endure. I can tell from her tweets and your descriptions that she’s still there, and we’re all better off for it.
mayhewp Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Just wait for her first aiminglow post. It’s short…sweet…and to the point. I couldn’t stop laughing.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
I laughed out loud at that list and woke up my mom. The mental image that goes with the “cornholio” scenario…hahahahaha!
So glad to hear such good news!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
K, when I’m up there to visit, I want to see the Cornholio in person. I’m bringing my camera. And the TP for my bunghole.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
My son and I were cheering Anissa on when we read the pancake story.
And, I know my husband would do the cornholio thing too.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
So wonderful to hear the progress. You clearly are a perfect match of humor and strength. You DO need a vacation, especially now adding the job of therapist to your long list of jobs, a vacation with fluffy pancakes!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Really great to hear from you, Peter, I’m thinking of the five of you every day. So sorry I won’t be at BlogHer to meet you but maybe someday. The love your family is built on astounds me, and it gives me hope and strength. It certainly sounds like it gives you all the hope and strength you need, what a blessing. I hope it helps to know that there are people out here who may never meet you but send love and hope daily to you, and gratitude for sharing your journey with us. Thank you.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:52 pm
Rock on, Mayhews!!!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
*giggle*
Oh man, the cornholio & the pancakes!
Hurray for progress.
;D
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
So happy to hear how well things are going at home.
Love, love, love the pancake story
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
You two are an incredible team.
I appreciate these updates so much. I hope you know how much it means to the rest of us that you take the time to share.
Sending up thoughts for you every single day.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
what a great post … I didn’t know about Annisa until after this whole thing started with you guys and well, you guys have a special place in my prayer list … thanks for taking the time to share how everything is going … God bless
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Teats and adoration for you both.
Love, Steph
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
OHMIGOD typing from my iPhone TEARS and adoration TEARS!!!!! Normally I’d beg you do delete that comment error but for Anissa, leave it up!!!
Steph
mayhewp Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Well that changes the perspective entirely!
Janet Reply:
March 18th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
HAHAHAHA…awesome, Steph!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Oh Joy. Happy as hell she is still here with us…
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
I am so happy to hear that she still has her awesome sense of humor through this all.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
so sweet! I can practically taste the chocolate pancake frisbee myself!
Cheering you Mayhews on from the West coast!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Happy, happy, HAPPY!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
what a hoot! Where would any of us be without a sense of humor and faith? I laughed more than cried at this post…a first. I hope that’s indicative of your life these days, too.
Still praying for you and looking forward to the next update, the book and the movie!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
So happy for all of you!!! I’d been here occasionally before but when Anissa’s blogging friends spread the word about her I started avidly following and praying for you guys. It sounds like Anissa’s doing great and I’m so happy for all of you!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
Wow! Simply amazing!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Amazing news! Praying for continued healing!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
LOL, love that she made you eat more pancakes.
You guys make such an awesome team. It gives me the warm fuzzies to read these updates and know that Anissa is so well loved at home.
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
I have been reading and lurking for several months now, first time responding. Today I just had to respond cause I was laughing so hard. The hokey-pokey comment and Anissa’s comment about Peter getting two pancakes- priceless. Thank you for making my day
I pray for Anissa’s recovery and for your continued blessings as a family. But you have to know that it really isn’t stranger-gawking that pulls me to your blog several times a day (surely I am not the only one waiting ffor an update)- but more I really, absolutely and totally appreciate your writing. WOW sums it up. You successfully tell snippets of your life that give such depth and warmth to who you are, who Anissa is and your 3 great kids. All in this story of hope, love and courage. You need to think about a book- and yes, I am serious.
Thanks again!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
FANTASTIC !!!!! I love the pancake story….so sweet of Rachael and Katie to make you breakfast =) Love that Anissa still has the quick wit that makes me smile every time! Peter, you are the most amazing husband……EVER!!!!!! hugs and kisses to all ♥
keep up the good work Anissa!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
So happy for this news. I don’t even know you people, but I’m thrilled!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Oh!! Joy… this is swell news, Peter!! Please give your lady a kiss for me… YAY!!! xoxoxoxox
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
I’m so glad that Katie has Rachael and vice versa. Our lives in the past 2 months have been fuller because Katie is so happy to have “her new best friend” around.
Anissa let some of that humor out on me last weekend, when she apologized for the color of my bathroom (long story but funny). She also let some out on Sunday when I was there telling me I needed to go to a blogger conference, and then setting out to convince me I should do so.
I love hearing the updates as I see you guys throughout the week, and through these posts. Hugs & much love to you all..
the Vann’s down the street!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
fantastic! love the updates
((hugs)) to your whole family!
on Mar 14th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Mr. Mayhew-
I am so happy that your wife is constantly progressing! Injuries to the brain take a long time to heal. I suffered a brain aneurysm four years ago and lost the use of my entire right side. S-L-O-W-L-Y I regained the use of it, but it took time. Please tell your wife (and you and your family!) to keep the faith and continue praying. I think of and pray for all of you constantly.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 12:13 am
GO, TEAM ANISSA, GO!!!
You had me at “I AM CORNHOLIO!!!” and then again at the end. Too funny.
Best of everything to the whole Mayhew Family, and send Anissa my bewbs. She’ll know what I’m talking about.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 1:45 am
you are right…everything is therapy and you are doing just the things you should for her…
glad to hear there is so much activation happening for anissa. and the way you described the transfer? i am using that someday to explain just what it might be like for people in her place.
hope you ate both pancakes.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 2:01 am
my girls would make you some awesome (horribly thick) pancakes, too
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 3:39 am
So thrilled to hear how amazingly well Anissa is doing and I’m stll awed by you–thanks for the laughs and inspiration.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 6:28 am
So proud of you, Anissa… And ALL the Mayhews. You are amazing and inspiring. So glad that I have come to cyber-know you. Much love!!
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 7:28 am
So, if sense of humor is an indication, then I’d say cheers to that. Intestinal fortitude will propel all of you forward. Time is on your side!!
And, if you need a super fluffy pancake recipe, I can help!
Glad to hear that you are keeping a positive attitude…
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 8:08 am
She sounds like she is doing awesome.
you sound like you are motivating Anissa like I was motivating my mom after her strokes. Altho after my mom’s strokes her sense of humor wasn’t what it was before and she ended up getting mad at me all the time, but the therapists thought it was good for her, some.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 10:29 am
Thanks for the update Peter. FWIW, as an OT, families like yours are the ones I like the best. The ones who turn EVERYTHING into “treatment.” The “unlucky to need therapy but lucky to have such an involved family” patients are also the ones who tend to do the best in the end – the ones who truly do reach their full potential. I am as proud of you and yours as I am of Anissa for continuing to progress!
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 11:05 am
“Come on, Anissa! You’re gonna crap thunder & piss lightning!”
(That was my best Burgess Meredith. You’re welcome.)
So glad to hear how well she’s doing. Thanks for all the updates, as always.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 11:47 am
God almighty, you guys have some huge challenges. You aslo have faith, love and humor, and I believe those will help you conquer just about anything life can throw you. Thanks so much for the update. Its wonderful to see Anissa on Twitter, looking forward to that aiminglow post!
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Take out the physical difficulties that are new and does it seem like life in the “before”? I hope so!!
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
You guys are truly amazing and inspirational. I know, I know, you don’t need that responsibility of being amazing and inspirational right now. But just keep on keepin’ on….and you’ll do it naturally. What a team you are as a couple and a family.
Love getting these updates.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Anissa is still cracking me up. Hope you liked your extra pancake! It’s great to get the updates and so great to hear about Anissa’s progess. It does not take much to realize you both need and deserve a vacation!
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Happy tears today! So very glad to read so much humor and love in your post.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Cracking up! It’s nice to know that evil streak is in there. *g* I think they should make pancakes for you every weekend.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Yay for progress!! SUPER BIG YAY for seeing Anissa on twitter again!!!
God Bless you all. *Hugs*
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Another awesome update – love it!
My brother was in a car accident and broke all four limbs. Mom and I had to transfer him from hospital bed to wheelchair to couch using a transfer board (they wanted us to use some sling deal, but we’re both just barely over 5′ and he’s 6’2 and weighed 230lbs). I can only imagine how difficult it is for Anissa to do it with only half of her body.
That being said, if anyone can do it, I have no doubt it’s Anissa. <3
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Best update ever. I giggled my way through the whole thing.
on Mar 15th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Every time I read an update I remember back to this post she wrote on Aiming Low about how you wanted her to learn how to light the pilot light on the water heater and she asked you if you knew how to make a pot roast. I smile every time I think about it because she was right and she survived and is getting well and will one day make pot roast and you really should get her to teach you how when she does.
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Loved reading this update. *big smile*
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 8:51 am
“I am Cornholio!” **SNORT**
So glad you guys are doing well. Keep it up Anissa!!!
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 11:30 am
So wonderful to hear about all this amazing progression!! Yay!!!! Can’t wait for the next instalment, when Anissa will surely be turning cartwheels in the grass! Big hugs!
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 11:59 am
I love how you are using humor to help you. I guess there is a reason they say it is the best medicine!! I am so happy to hear Anissa is progressing so well and also that the kids have been able to be just that-KIDS! P.S. I spit out my drink after I read the Cornholio bit!
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
I love the “I am Cornholio!” I say that all the time when my daughter (who is 5 and had a perinatal stroke, so we have similar issues) gets her shirt stuck. No very many other people find it humorous. But you have to do it for the sake of everyone’s sanity. It’s a service you provide as the caregiver.
As far as the Botox, there are also cranial-sacral therapy and massage options that help with no toxic side effects for hypertonic (super tight) muscles. The benefit:risk ratio is sketchy. This is my mother of a special-needs child talking. I humbly suggest a consultation with a chiropractor. Soon you’ll be spouting therapeutic info like a broken fire hydrant, too!
I am so happy that things are improving, for all of you. I wish you all the best! Give Anissa a kiss from me.
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
AWESOME.
on Mar 16th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
it makes my heart so happy to read your posts! Anissa, i am so glad you are doing so well and am looking forward to you writing your own blog in your own time (not that Pete’s blog isnt fantastic!)..
Hang in there guys. We are all pulling for you!
Anissa…YOU GO GIRL! GO GET ‘EM!
Aloha,
Michelle
on Mar 17th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
I was involved in a little meetup this last weekend – Mishi and Nap Warden and a few others were there. You have no idea what a hero Anissa has become. You have no idea what a hero YOU have become, Sir.
mayhewp Reply:
March 20th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Ok, but Denzel better play me in the made for tv movie! Seriously..more like Jack Black…
Thanks for the kind words, but I’m just a normal guy doing whatever I can to fix my family.
on Mar 18th, 2010 at 2:09 am
Sounds like it’s therapy for you too!
Hey! Maybe chewing those pancakes is what makes that mouth start working again. Order up a whole new batch and make Anissa eat em’ all!
Can’t tell you how heartwarming it is to “hear” you all laughing again.
on Mar 18th, 2010 at 8:23 am
Way to go, Anissa. By the time I get there next month for a visit, you’ll be dancing the cha-cha.
on Mar 18th, 2010 at 11:59 am
First … WOW! But from everything I’ve read and talked with you about, I doubt you expected anything less from Anissa. But still, WOW!
Second … I totally didn’t get the Burgess Meredith comment until I saw the reply from Cindy W. Duh …
Third … Cornholio is my idol!
on Mar 18th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
why don’t you give Peter two. He’ll be happy to eat them
Hahahahaha…she got you good! And I love it because that’s our girl, through and through.
Anissa is so lucky to have such a wonderful family standing beside her. Cheers to all of you and cheers to her for fighting each and every day. Love to all xoxo
on Mar 19th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Hi there Peter and family!
This is the first time that I’ve left a comment on your blog, but today, I needed to.
I’m not sure how I can across your blog. I know it was after Anissa’s stroke – I think Redneckmommy had a link… yes, that’s right, she did. Anyhoo, as one of her regular readers I followed the link and since then have kept up with you all.
So anyway, I just have to say that you are doing a great job. You have a lovely family, and I am so thrilled that Anissa is doing so well. It makes my heart happy, and quite often you make me laugh out loud – literally – with how you write (Cornholio!).
Take care, and with good thoughts and prayers from my part of Canada to you and yours,
Roxanna
on Mar 20th, 2010 at 11:56 am
So wonderful to read about all of Anissa’s progress. And it’s AWESOME to see Anissa posting on Twitter again!!! GO ANISSA!!!
on Mar 21st, 2010 at 6:08 am
YAY! I cannot imagine the journey you have all been on, but how amazingly wonderful to read this post! May God continue to bless you indeed! <3 Jenn
on Mar 21st, 2010 at 11:40 am
LOL I hope you enjoyed your two pancakes. What an amazing family you are. The love is beautiful and I appreciate you putting everything out there to keep us all up to date on Anissa’s progress. Your posts are a joy to read, even when the subject matter is difficult.
on Mar 22nd, 2010 at 3:31 pm
I have been away for a while taking care of some major renovations at my house. I couldn’t wait to get back here to learn of her progress!
I am so happy for you Mayhew family! Thank you God for the miracles! Keep em coming!
on Mar 24th, 2010 at 12:10 am
Number 8 is my favorite!
on Mar 24th, 2010 at 9:33 am
I just found your blog and I’m truly amazed by you and your family.
on Mar 24th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Amazing, just amazing. I finally saw an Anissa tweet the other day and nearly cried w/ happiness. Praying for more of the same, every day for you guys.
on Mar 29th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Having a sense of humor, I’ve found, is one of the best medicines around. It really does make people feel better. And Anissa you are so right about rediscovering ice cream!! Stay strong!
on Mar 30th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
Humor, Hope and Faith are an awesome combination! Besides ice cream, you need to try I Love Lucy shows! I’d love to be able to see them for the first time again! You are an amazing family:)
on Mar 31st, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Pulling for you out here in Washington!! Always.
on Apr 1st, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Closet space fighting is a good thing.