I met a guy when I was doing a summer job in college. His big plan was to travel to the Sistene Chapel and find a chair and stare at the Mona Lisa all day. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to get as close to Leonardo as possible.
I liked his idea. He was excited about it. It sounded intelligent, and probably used it to impress a girl or two.
I just didn’t have the heart to tell him he was going to the wrong place.
I’ve often wondered if he ever figured that one out.
So, Anissa didn’t wind up being extubated Sunday.
I did however get to tour another hospital for a different reason. Peyton broke her arm Saturday on a fall down the stairs, and told me she was going to suck it up and be tough. I’m wrapping my kids in bubble wrap from here on out. We did get in some minor comfort shopping complete with an early birthday present and popsicle.
Or Monday…
Instead they wheeled the ventilator back in. She had struggled to keep her airway clear and the thought was that maybe she was laboring too hard.
Or Tuesday…
Instead, I got to tour several other facilities for the next phase of her care.
Or Wednesday…
Instead, I had a severe heart to heart with my wife. I told her that if she wanted to go, that was ok too. I had it covered. But, if she wanted to fight, I was behind her all the way and this was just one more thing to overcome. It dawned on me that I had never considered that as a possibility. Maybe she didn’t want to fight. She’s too good of a person for everything she’s been through. Maybe this was it.
By far, the hardest conversation I’ve ever had to have.
That night, someone sent me a link that the St. Pete Times ran a story on us. I clicked on over to see what they had done. It was essentially a copy of something Anissa wrote about on the 3 year anniversary of Peyton’s diagnosis.
“Romans 12:12.
Rejoice in hope,
Be patient in tribulation,
Be constant in prayer.
I can’t say that it comforted me, that it filled me with the knowledge that everything would be OK and confidence that we could do this.
But that verse spoke to me and clarified that although there was nothing I could do for my daughter’s body, I could do these things … and God would handle the rest.
Although I will never tell you that my faith keeps the fear at bay or my anger under control, it’s what has kept me from giving up and allowed me to get out of bed every morning (well, most mornings).
It’s been what allows us to keep laughing, keep living through it. ”
It just felt like she was reminding me where we’ve been. It was encouraging, and I needed that.
On Thursday, she chose to fight harder.
She was very responsive to the medical staff in the morning. Fairly alert and able to consistently follow commands. I asked the various doctors to get on the same page with regard to her treatment. I kept getting differing stories from each specialist. They agreed, and she was finally extubated at about 5:30 pm. We’re taking a risk that she won’t be able to clear her airway. But, there’s also risk crossing the street. Sometimes you’ve got to run before you walk. So, tonight, I got to hear my wife make a sound for the first time since that last phone call.
It was a fairly strong “ahem”.
On my way out last night, I stopped by the chapel. It’s a tiny little room with a little pulpit and a bible on it. The bible was opened to Mark. The verse in big letters center-pieced on the page was Mark 5:36 “Be not afraid; only believe”.
I really think that getting her out of the ICU where the kids can come visit are the next main key. I’m going to have to be cautious, but, they are going to be an integral part of her recovery. Nothing could stand between my wife and her kids. I truly think they will give her the biggest fighting chance to recover.
Understand folks, this recovery process is going to be a while. A large part of that recovery will be up to Anissa and how much interaction she gets from family and friends. She will need consistent coaching, pushing, pulling, etc. So, for all of you folks that are lining up to help out, THAT’S when we’re going to be needing you. Right now, we’re focusing on getting her more alert and aware. That takes rest, comfort, coaxing, love, and prayer.
Right now, the closest person that I know of that defines “serenity” is with her.
And we’re being patient in tribulation.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Anissa, you and the children are in my prayers daily.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Oh, God be with you all. Peace and prayers to you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:23 am
My heart is with all of you a thousand times.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:23 am
YAY for the extubation! And BOO for the broken arm. Thinking of you guys every single day.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Thanks for the update. I’ll continue to pray for Anissa-and you, and your family (and a big supply of bubble wrap for the kids!)
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:25 am
As I read your words, those of a man in love with his wife, a father devoted to his kids, a believer who is writing his heart, I am heartened, Peter. I don’t know if you see all the comments in your posts, I’m not as close to Anissa as many, but I do consider us friends, and I know your response to these circumstances would touch her in the deepest places.
Heck, your response is encouraging and challenging total strangers! You are “walking worthy” and I HATE to resort to Christianese, but…wow…you’re saying and doing the things I would hope to be doing if I were in a similar situation. You’re modeling authenticity in your faith, a faith that isn’t easy but one that honors a King
.
Thanks for sharing her words from another part of your story. And I join thousands in continuing to pray for all of you.
{{hugs}}
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I second everything Robin said, eleventy-billion times over. Peter, thank you for keeping us updated and for being amazing through this. I pray and think of her everyday, and of you all.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Keep fighting Anissa. Keep up this amazing strength Peter. You have all my best thoughts and wishes for you every day.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:29 am
praying for Annisa hard every single day.
Hugs to you.
Keep the faith!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Again, thank you for sharing. This is all so heart wrenching, even for those of us at a distance. It’s hard to imagine how you are managing to hold it all together – I have so much admiration for your strength and love. -Christine
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:31 am
baby steps, baby steps but every little one counts! so happy and still praying everyday:)
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:32 am
My heart is with you, Peter. You and your family. Anissa is a strong and vibrant woman. She can do this. She will do this!
Hugs and Prayers!
Sam
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
It sounds like it has been such a hard week, Peter. I am so sorry you all are going through this. Thinking and praying and hoping even harder today. I think you will continue to see small and large signs that will give you clarity and peace of mind. Stay strong for your kids, Anissa and yourself.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:35 am
You all are in my thoughts every day. Anissa has such a wonderful family, she’s so fortunate to have you all.
Thank you for keeping us updated.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Thanks so much for the update, you’re doing a wonderful job being her advocate. Anissa and all of your family is in my prayers. And I hope that Peyton’s feeling better too, what a great kid!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am
We’re with you. With you, with you, with you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Oh sheesh, I’m sorry about Peyton’s arm!!
Stay strong! Keeping you all in my thoughts!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Answers come when you need them most. Of all the things the Times could have posted….
Praying for you all. And for Anissa to be the only person requiring hospital treatment from here on out.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
You are a wonderful advocate for her; I imagine it is amazingly difficult to do so on top of worrying about her and the kids. Poor Peyton!
Thank you for the updates. Our chatter may have lessened but our prayers haven’t.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
They say you often take a few small steps back before a big leap forward…and I’m praying this is the case for Anissa.
Please give Peyton some big hugs! The poor sweetie!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:46 am
You are a wonderful testimony to faith in difficult circumstances (when it really counts, right?) I continue to keep your family in my thoughts and prayers…thank you for taking the time to update all of us in the midst of this chaotic time.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Oh, man, you are really an amazingly strong man. No wonder Anissa is so awesome.
Crossing everything….
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:51 am
So much good thoughts and love coming at you and your family. It’s good to know that Anissa gets some of her strength from her amazing husband.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:52 am
“only believe” is what gets us through most days. Hugs and prayers.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Thank you for the update. I am still constantly thinking of and praying for her. That really stinks about the broken arm. I think a lifetime supply of bubble wrap is a great idea. Stay strong.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:58 am
I’m so sorry!
So sorry for all the pain in your life!
You are a brave and wise man to have that one-way conversation with your wife. Praying for strength and peace moment by moment.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Its time we all fight harder for Anissa, she’s always been the one fighting for, praying for, making everyone around her better. Praying for all of ypu, each and every day!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:03 am
You have had a long week and it isn’t going to get easier any time soon. I am praying for you. Still for wisdom that you will know what she most needs and how to advocate for her with her doctors. Wisdom in your parenting. And grace to cover all of your day. That Anissa will be healed. Comfort for the children. Hands and feet for you when you need more than two of each. And rest for the long haul. God bless you and yours.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Thanks for the update, Peter. Know that there are people behind you and Anissa and your family that you’ve never met sending you love and hope.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Thanks for the update, Peter! I will continue to keep Anissa and the entire family in my thoughts. Keep fighting Anissa, we love and miss you so much!!!
XOXO
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Thank you so much for this update. Poor little Peyton! But what a relief it must have been to have something that was so straightforward and (relatively) easily-fixed to deal with.
Please know that these updates are so appreciated. You have so much to handle, and it means the world that you’re posting these updates. Thank you so much.
And to Anissa, KEEP ON FIGHTING!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Your words bring us there with you, even though we are far apart.
Know that you, the kids and Anissa are thought about and prayed about.
Love and hugs to everyone.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I am so sorry about her arm! She’s such a big girl saying she’s going to tough it out! It sounds like it’s been a very difficult week. You are doing such an amazing job keeping everything together. We are keeping you in our prayers! Thank you for keeping us updated!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Your faith has buoyed mine, Peter…and I’ve never even met you or chatted with you or seen you. I have met Anissa and talked with her and seen her, and she’s an inspiration, too. You guys are an amazing duo, for sure.
And I know this will be a long road to recovery, and I’m ready and willing to help whenever the time comes. Until then, know that I pray for you guys every day, usually several times a day.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Beautiful words of love and faith. I truly admire you both for your strength. Much love and prayers for you all.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Peter, thanks for the update. I have you and Anissa and the kids in my thoughts and prayers everyday!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:26 am
What an amazing husband and dad you are. I am praying that she will continue to fight.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Continuing to pray for Anissa. Your love for her is palpable.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:30 am
First off Peter, I want to thank you for keeping us all updated on Anissa’s progress and your family’s.
This has to be one of the most difficult times a devoted husband and dad must endure and you are being a wonderful example of just that. You are truly a devoted husband, partner, friend, companion, soul mate and not to mention a father, supporter and child of God.
Your devotion and example to your children and to all of us is immense and I thank you for that. I pray that you can continue to be strong for your family. But I also pray that you find the time to let go and let God. I know how difficult it is to stay strong but we also need time to weep.
I am praying for you, Anissa and your children daily. God Bless.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Continuing to pray for you all
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:32 am
You are an amazing husband.
Your love and faith is beautiful and your wife is a lucky woman to have you. She will get through this. You will get through this.
You’re in my prayers.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Peter, what a tough week you have had…we are praying and praying and praying for ALL of you! Your love for your family is so evident, and you are a terrific husband and father…
love you,
Jayne
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:33 am
You and Anissa are continuing to touch many lives in a profound and positive way during your trying times. Praying for your family. Terri
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:36 am
I am new to the blog world and never had the chance to snark with Anissa. I have been quietly reading this blog and updates on twitter. Anissa and your lovely family have been in my thoughts every day. You are just as strong as your beautiful wife. I will continue to send positive healing thoughts your way and look forward to the day when I can snark it up hard core with Anissa.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Every day I’m just more impressed with the both of you, and your willingness and ability to be strong and fight for eachother. Keep it up, Anissa!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
I’m here for the long haul. I wouldn’t have it any other way. XO
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:48 am
All my thoughts and hopes are with you. xo
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Be strong. I am just so blown away by you, your wife, your family and how so much love floats between all of you and into your words.
I am sending constant prayers, good vibes and strength…
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Keep fighting Anissa! You have a wonderful honey and kids….Hang in there! Yeah 4 the extubation!
Hopefully it only gets better from here!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:55 am
we’re praying with you!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Praying for Anissa, praying for all of you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Thanks for the updates, Peter. Knowing how Anissa is doing helps keep hope strong and when the news isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it’s just a reminder to keep praying.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Sending healing thoughts your way.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Thank you so much for this update…continuing to pray for Anissa and her strength and for you and your strength.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:03 am
even though i wasn’t a reader before all of this happened, i’ve been riveted by this story and have been pulling for anissa.
i know a whole lot about stroke, far too much. and i’ll say now that i’m not a doctor and i don’t love offering assvice as they call it.
i’d mentioned in an earlier comment about brain researcher and stroke survivor jill taylor (http://drjilltaylor.com/book.html). her thoughts on recovery are very, very different than what most experts believe.
please read this book. she believes that much of recovery involves rest and sleep, completely opposite of what many other experts believe. and she has recovered well. my father, who was pushed and prodded, did not. it’s anecdotal, but worth looking at.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Still here and praying for you. I just can’t imagine what you are facing and dealing with. My thoughts are with you and your family.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:07 am
That middle part got me…the part about your heart-to-heart….oh, it got me.
Continued prayers. Always.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Thanks for the update. Continuing to send hope, prayers, and love.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Your family has blessed mine. I am changed by what little I have come to know of you.
This will send little ripples out, forever and ever.
In my little corner of living and imagining it in so many others.
May it’s power wash back over you , holding you up with Love.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Be constant in prayer.
As ever, we love you and are with you. We stand at the ready and, as I tweeted for Anissa when I first heard, “I’m praying like my boobs are on fire.”
Because I think she’d like it that way.
mayhewp Reply:
December 5th, 2009 at 9:00 am
I know she would
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I DMed you but I know you’re busy so I’m trying here too. I have some money for the kids for xmas but your paypal account says it’s not active anymore. Just let me know whenever you have a chance how to best get this to you. No rush at all. I’ll have it whenever you need it.
Also, it’s snowing in Texas right now. It’s kind of a miracle. I’m ready for another one…
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Prayers and some tears here. And some smiles too. I hope Anissa keeps fighting.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:14 am
SO much love and unending prayers for you all.
Boobs in the face for ‘Niss, too, of course.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Thank you for updating us, I know it isn’t easy writing a blog post during all of this. Yes, all you can do is be patient and stay in prayer, God will take care of the rest. Your post is encouraging and hopeful.
Forever in my prayers!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:19 am
You write so beautifully. The post you mention was the first of hers I ever read and it led me to spend much longer than I should have done reading through the rest of her blog.
You are both such inspirations and so strong. For all the trials and tribulations you have had to suffer I think you are so blessed to have each other, and your children are so lucky to have such amazing parents.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Wow! first poor Peyton, broken arms are no fun! second, I’m so touched by this entry. I’m so sorry that you had to have that conversation with Anissa at all. I’m crying my eyes out! She is proving day by day how strong she is and she IS going to pull through this. I pray for your family every morning all the way to work. It is my time with God and I thank Him for all the baby steps that she’s taking and for strength for the family; most of all for faith. keep the faith Peter, God is listening to you and everyone else. Love you guys!
Desera
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Peter–
You, Anissa, Nathaniel, Rachel, and Peyton are in my thoughts so much during the day. I know that it’s God’s urging to pray for you. Could you ever imagine that so many people would be praying for your family? God has blessed your faithfulness to Him. You are what men should aspire to be in their marriage and their parenting. God will continue to bless your faithfulness.
Lisa
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Yesterday, a friend of mine was talking about how hard it is to live the serenity prayer. What you wrote here personifies it.
Take good care of yourself. Your family is in my thoughts.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Thinking of you, Anissa, the kids, loving you all & praying for you all!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Continuing to pray for you all.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:42 am
I bet that ahem was the most beautiful sound in the world. I am so glad you got to hear it.
Anissa is in my thoughts every day. HUGS.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Thank you so much for keeping us all updated, Peter! I know it must be challenging enough, just keeping up with the day-to-day, right now, let alone checking in with all of us who are eagerly checking the blog and twitter updates looking for any sign of change.
Hugs to Peyton, as her arm heals…now you just have to help her come up with a really cool story for “how” she broke her arm!
Anissa is going to be very proud when she reads all of this…you have such a strong love, it has reached so many people, and we are all very lucky to bear witness to something so pure and true.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Still thinking of your family and praying Anissa will come through!! Thank you for the update.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Prayers and thoughts for you and your family from freezing cold Colorado.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Thoughts & prayers for Anissa, Peter and their family, always.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Your words make me feel close to you guys. I wish I could physically be there, but my heart and prayers are there every minute. xxoo
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Thinking of you guys all the time. What a tough week for you all but so relieved to hear she is fighting!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Keep fighting the fight as best as you can. Strength and prayers for you every day.
It is very appreciated that you let us into your lives and take the time to keep us updated.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I check twitter for updates every day and that reminds me to pray for Anissa, you, and your whole family.
Thank you for keeping us updated.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Thank you for sharing your story, Peter. And thank you for the perspective, hope, and call to action to help.
Wishing only the best to Anissa, you, and your family.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Thanks for the update. My mind keeps wandering back to her, wondering how she is.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Peter, you are doing a fantastic job. I am sure it’s hell, but you are doing the job you were put here to do.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I am repeatedly humbled by your strength and bravery – I know you kind of have to be strong and brave for everyone right now, but you’re doing such an exceptional job.
I’m so sorry to hear about Peyton’s arm! Poor baby.
You are all constantly in my thoughts and prayers, and will remain so. Sending all the love and positive energy I have in me. <3
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Romans 12:12 is my favorite verse.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Thank you for the update. We are continuing to pray.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
My prayers are with all of you, Peter. Please take good care of yourself in this time. We’ll keep pulling for you out here in the webs…
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Your devotion to your wife is inspiring. It really reminds me and I hope others of the vows we have made to our spouses! “…….In sickness and in health….” It inspires me to love my husband and children more. To live in and walk with the Lord. I have never known or met your wife. I have only heard of her through Twitter and other blogs. Your family has touched many hearts and souls, including mine. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family each and every day.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Peter- tell little Ms. Peyton that she better take good care of those arms-she’s gonna need them for a long time, for many more fun adventures! And tell Anissa-when you have the chance to let her know again-that we are all still praying for her to overcome this. Although I am sure her body is tired, and letting go, while not really the easier of the two choices you gave her, is something no one could blame her for. But when have we ever known Anissa to give up? On anything? She is the inspiration to so many people to go on, just when they think they can’t go one step further. Still praying for strength for all of you!
Much love in Christ~
Rhonda
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
My prayers are with you and your family.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Just found this blog and read the WHOLE thing ! You are an amazing man, father and husband. Anissa is blessed !
Our son went into heart failure when he was 15 – myocarditis. He had a stroke when he crashed and is no longer independently mobile. He had a heart transplant 18 months later. December 15th is the two year anniversary of the transplant. I’m forwarding him your blog. He’s come so far – and I know your precious wife will do the same……
Praying for a full recovery in NJ !!!!!!!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I wonder if that guy ever got to the Sistine Chapel and was somewhat disappointed… ; )
I think from what I’ve heard and read that your wife is a fighter and all the prayers and love that surround her and your family now will certainly help her beat this.
Still praying here…
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Praying faith and endurance for Anissa and you. And healing! You are in the best hands…the big, strong, sheltering, loving, safe hands of God. Know that there are many many many of us praying. (praying for Peyton’s arm too
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Peter, I’ve been clicking over to H4P obsessively wondering what was going on with Anissa. I was worried but also understood that it is a long way to recovery. I am so glad you were able to give us a little update, I don’t know how you do it, between work, the kids, all the different doctors, you are amazing! That said, please make sure you are taking good care of yourself, it is so easy to keep going without realizing that you are running on fumes!
You have the most wonderful family! Much love to you all!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Thanking God for the little improvements, and praying hard for more of them.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
You’re my hero. Seriously. How you even have the strength to update us blows me away. So, thank you, and all my prayers are with you and your family.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Best thing for everyone would be for the kids to see and touch their mom. I totally agree. Yes, it won’t be easy – but I bet your kids are up for this. They sound like some of the tougher, smarter people on this planet. And as weird as it sounds, they will be the best teammates you’ll ever have through this challenge – you need them on board as badly as Anissa needs them.
Make sure you get 30 minutes sometime this week to exercise and break a sweat. You’re God’s primary vehicle for rebuiding Anissa and exercise is like getting the oil changed in your car.
Brain injury is a really odd thing and sleep and time are your best friends for recovery. But the day will come as you have described that Anissa will need stimulation, language, physical challenge. As Jill Bolte Taylor says, “Honor the sleep.”
I pray the intention that Anissa will make a full recovery and that your family will be stronger and healthier than ever before.
Amen.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I came to know about Anissa through Jenny (The Bloggess) and immediately contacted the prayer room at my church. They’ve asked for regular updates on her progress, which I’ve been able to give thanks to your dutiful updating of this blog. While I ‘m not as strong in my faith as you and your family seem to be, I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I wish I could do more than I’ve been able to do.
I say this with no light weight: while I may not know just exactly how you feel, I can identify strongly with what you’re going through. This time last year, I was 200 miles away from my family, living in the NICU with my 2 month old daughter, awaiting the date for her reconstructive heart surgery. I remember the sickness I felt in my stomach when they brought the ventilator back to her bedside after she’d managed to be off of it for 6 weeks. I remember how keenly I felt every setback, no matter how slight. I remember the terror, the thoughts of “How will I manage if you don’t make it?” I remember having a meltdown, screaming fit because her lungs were failing and her doctors couldn’t agree on a date for her surgery. I remember all of it.
I know how difficult these things are, and I wish there was more I could do than offer a “hang in there”. I will continue to keep the prayer flowing from my end. You just hang in there.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Will continue to keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Your updates are so touching, big hugs to you all!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Peter,
I had emailed you this phrase sometime last week…but I really think it bares worth repeating out loud:
“Faith is when you know there is an ocean when you can only see the stream.”
I have faith.
Shannon
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Continued prayers and good thoughts to you, Anissa and the children.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I won’t give up on either of you. I miss you Anissa and I love you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Thanks for the update, I agree with the others, it is hard to do right now. So thank you for sharing.
My mom had one a few years back. I understand the emotions all too well. Confusion, frustration but amongst all of it, glimmers of hope and faith.
At many points the doctors crushed our hopeful moments, several times.
i think that was almost five years ago. Now, she’s back at home and like a trooper wants to do everything with minimal assistance.
Anissa is a trooper too. Hugs and prayers to you all ….
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Peter,
I know it must be hard to find the time to let all of us know whats going on, thank you for the updates.
Anissa is such a wonderful and special person I will continue to pray for her, you and the kids.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
This post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your faith, strength and hope. You’re in my family’s prayers every night.
God bless you,
Lexi
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I’m continuing to pray for Anissa and your family!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Peter:
You are stronger than you know, even in your weakest moments.
To me everything has just been a miracle, even that she was able to call you and say that something was wrong with her.
Thank you God for the miracles, keep them coming!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
[...] me a favor…read this latest post by Anissa’s husband, You Can’t Always Get What You Want. Send some positive energy to her and her family. Then go tell the people in your life that you [...]
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I was in the Sistine Chapel a few years back. All I wanted to do was lie on the floor looking up and take it all in. But that is awfully hard to do with so many people in there. Did you know there are Chapel staff whose job it is to “shush” everyone when the talking gets too loud, seriously.
I think of you and your family often.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Thank you and sending much love and prayers.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Hey brother – you’re beyond impressive. You’re right up there with role model. Keep up the faith. You and you’re family are being prayed for, and you know how prayer and petition work.
We are praying for you all.
-Aman
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Anissa is so strong – I know she will keep fighting!!! She loves you all so much!!!!
Praying and hoping…
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Glad to hear she finally got extubated, it must have been such a relief to have a positive steps after a few hard days. Anissa, keeping on fight, we’re all out here praying for you and sending all the healing positive thoughts we can your way.
Peter, you are all constantly in my heart and in my thoughts.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Thinking of you guys, and praying. Lots of love.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I’m not going anywhere. I check for updates constantly. And while I may be on the West Coast, far from her bedside, I am fighting along side her, hoping for the best.
Peter, you have done a remarkable job keeping us updated. But it’s astounding how amazing you’ve been to your wife and your family in the most awful of circumstances. We’re all here for you, too.
xoxo,
Megan
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Continuing to pray for you all – don’t blame you about the bubble wrap!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
I think it’s amazing and just breathtaking that you can go through your days, and still find strength to post for all of us wondering how your wife is doing. Thank you for that. Your family is still in my prayers.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
There are so many people out here pulling and pushing and praying and doing it all again for all of you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
The Mona Lisa might not be at the Sistine Chapel, but it’s surely a place of wonder and breathtaking beauty. So even if we can’t always get just what we want right when we want it, there is always the chance that’s because we’ll get something even better.
I’m so moved by your love and strength and dedication, and am thinking of you and your family all the time.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
At the top of my Christmas List is “better days for the Mayhew family”. Peter, your strength and faith is a testament to all of us. I hope you can let Anissa know that her blogging has connected thousands of people all joined in prayer for you all.
Thank you for sharing your emotions……. you are an amazing husband and father!
Lisa
IL Prayer Warrior
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
My thoughts are with you all….
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Continued prayers for all of you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I’m so happy to hear that Anissa is making progress. I think of her, of all of you, all the time.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Here.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I am so pleased that you are seeing some forward progress and it is wonderful that Anissa will be able to be in a room where she can see the children. I think you are right that seeing them will encourage her to make more progress, I know it would with me.
I hear you on the poor broken arm. My son just broke his 3rd bone this week. Makes you feel so helpless and you just can’t argue with a broken bone.
On a practical note, we found a great thing to help with showers. We had it for his broken foot, but luckily it works nicely with the broken thumb too and it’s SO much easier than messing around with bags & tape. http://www.medcareproducts.com/castcovers/prodinfo.asp?number=DCA
Hope it helps your little cutie!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs and love to all of you!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
That just gave me serious shivers through my body. The good kind.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
I don’t know you, but I am on the advisory board of a women’s health web site called EmpowHer.com. It was founded by my friend Michelle out of her own illness, and Michelle now has contacts with every really quality doctor in the country. I think that at some point you might want to consider getting the best stroke doctors in the country (some of whom are at Barrow Neurological Institute in AZ where we live) to look at Anissa.
Last year I edited a book for a neurologist and learned that the brain continues to regenerate, heal, and otherwise grow and learn as long as you live. This is a relatively new body of knowledge called neuroplasticity. It will be incredibly important for Anissa once they’re sure she’s stabilized.
If you want any help, please let me and EmpowHer know.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
When you have a moment, can you (or someone else who is reading this) tell me where I need to go to sign up to help? I don’t know Anissa well — met her just once, and we talked on Twitter some — but I live in Snellville… and would be happy to come down to you from time to time to help.
Karen Reply:
December 4th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Aiminglow.com has a link for donations. Thank you!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Thank you for taking the time and effort, in the midst of your struggles, to update people whom you have never met about what is going on with your wife and family. Because, even though we don’t know you personally, I think we have become invested in your lives. The words that you and Anissa have put into cyberspace have enough meaning and weight on their own that we have been drawn into your situation, in order to support you with thoughts and good energy.
Did Peyton get to choose a colorful cast? I broke my arm two years ago, and my main concern was that I’d get to choose a colored cast! I had to wait a couple of weeks because I had surgery and they didn’t use the fiberglass cast until a couple weeks later (but I did get to choose — hot pink, and it really did help me get through the healing process, because it was such an uplifting color, and it made me think of pretty things, instead of my broken arm with the metal in it and the skin graft.)
My continued thoughts are with you, Anissa, Peyton, Nathaniel, Rachael, and everyone else who loves you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Sounds like a hell of a week. I hope the next one is better and each one after that better still. My thoughts are with you and your family.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
thank you for the update and my prayers are with your family.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Believing in miracles. Living with my own miracle. Praying for your miracle….
I am constant in prayer for your family.
Thank you for the update!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
This post brought tears to my eyes. Your love for your wife and children is obvious — and it’s beautiful.
You have TONS of people pulling for Anissa. TONS AND TONS. Thanks for the update.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
That’s such awesome news, may it continue getting more stupendous every day
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
I read this out loud to my husband as I was reading it. We’re both encouraged and amazed at what God is doing here.
Praying as hard as ever. xoxo
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
It’s clear to all of us that God is leading you all through this painful time. I know just how painful it was having that talk with her…I had the same talk four years ago. God got you through that talk….and he’ll help you with every step….the small and the big. Thank you for sharing…..you have many strangers, like my family, who are lifting you all up in prayer.
Praying so hard for your wife and family!!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Thank you again, Peter, for updating us. Your family is in my constant thoughts and prayers. I know this is going to be a long journey, but we are all here for you.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Every good thought, prayer, every bit of positive energy I can, I am sending your way.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
I found your blog a week or so ago. I am praying for your family and Anissa! GOD BLESS!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
thank you for keeping us updated Peter, I can not imagine having to juggle all that you are having to at this time. Praying for you all.
So thankful Anissa has chosen to fight!
xo
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
You are in my prayers every day.
May God smile on you all.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Keep up the good work Anissa.
And Peter, thank you again – your words are the salve that many of us (most who have never even met Anissa in real life but feel her absence from the blogosphere, facebook and twitter like a huge gigantic gaping hole) need. The prayers continue for her next hurdle!
You go girl!!!!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Thinking of you, pulling for you, sending out white light and happy thoughts daily. Go Anissa!
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I can’t even begin to imagine how hard your heart to heart conversation with Anissa was for you, but overjoyed that Anissa chose to fight. As always, I am thinking of you all and am thrilled with each step Anissa takes in her recovery.
on Dec 4th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Praying. Praying. Praying.
Never ceasing.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 12:38 am
Peter,
I can’t imagine the conversation you had with Anissa the other day. How selfless to give her the choice to give up. I know I wouldn’t have had the strength to do that. I’m really glad that she decided to fight, I don’t know her, but she doesn’t seem to be the type of person to give up. Keep pushing and fighting. I pray that she’s going to be back on her feet soon and you’ll have a Christmas miracle.
Thinking of you and yours.
Lyndsey
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 1:01 am
You guys are in my prayers – I just want you to know that Anissa is still witnessing and encouraging – I needed that same message! Thank you for blessing me!
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 2:42 am
Just another stranger out there praying for you and your wife. <3
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 2:46 am
I heard today about a study that the MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR in a positive outcome for a stroke is the attention that your medical care team provides. They HAVE to believe that they can cure anissa, and this will result in a better outcome. SO MAKE SURE THEY BELIEVE!
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 9:04 am
While I am getting ready for my son Jarods 9th year old birthday I am taking time out to write this.
I love you Anissa. I haven’t seen you in many years, but I am thinking of you daily. I am praying for you. I am looking forward to the blog about you waking up and coming home soon. I am constantly praying and thinking about you. You are strong-your children and husband and family need you home. I know God is the only one who knows your path–but I am praying (as others are) that you will recover just like a Christmas miracle. I also have selfish reasons..I want you to meet my family and my new little 9 month old baby girl. Love you Anissa!
Your friend, Celeste
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Praying for you all.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I haven’t commented before because, well, there are a lot and what is one more, really? But this post touched me. I’ve not officially met Anissa, but have heard her speak at conferences a few times. My prayers are with your family and if anything can be done for you in Iowa- or from Iowa- I’m available.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
If there’s anything I can do from way up here in Indiana, you let me know! I am fighting for Anissa, too. Just last night at a family birthday party my Father in law asked me what the latest was with Anissa. SO many people are praying and following along.
Love,
Steph
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
So proud of you lady! Keep fighting! Praying for you and your family daily.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Thanks so much for the continuing updates. It is moving to hear her progress. I can’t imagine how you must have felt when you heard her “ahem.” My heart burst (in a good way) for you reading that.
Thinking about your whole family often and sending prayers and strength to that wonderful woman.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
oy! and the broken arm? Never a dull moment my mother always says. Peter, you and your family are a symbol to us all to be strong, to believe, to never give up hope and I thank you for that every day.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Sending Love. Big, heaping waves. I think of your family often, Anissa’s touched more people than she knows.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Your family is in my thoughts. Hope Peyton’s arm heals quickly. Hugs to you.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
We’re still thinking good thoughts for your family here in South Carolina. Your strength is truly an inspiration.
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Tebow had this passage on his face during the game
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Oy, what a week! You’re absolutely right about the kids and their role in Anissa’s recovery. Hope Peyton’s arm heals quickly. Thanks for the update. Hang in there!
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Thank you again for another heart touching update. I think about you and your family daily and talk about the situation to everyone I know just so they too can pray.
Take care and here’s to believing!
~Jana
Germantown, OH
on Dec 5th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
God Bless you all through this journey, may the grace of God always be with you and that the spirit of this season bring joy in your life…. trust that God will heal your child and your wife and that this time for you is merely a season, learn from it, you have our family’s prayers… be sure to take care of yourself too.